So, I ended up finding a piano player for my band, and to my luck she's an extremely interesting and attractive girl.

The other day it was the first time we met and we hit it off very well. We walked around at night for about five hours talking. One thing that intrigued me however, was the deep conversations we had about sexuality in our culture. The idea that women are allowed to dress anyway they want and men are supposed to be extremely plain. Anyways, my first worry is if discussions like this are showing a side of me that is unattractive, a whole beta feminine side. On the other hand, I was thinking.. this may show that I am open and confident, not worried talking to her about anything, what do you think?

To move on, I am seeing her tomorrow. My problem is my lack of skills. I came to Bristol Lair with literally NO idea of how attraction works. In high-school I was very shy and my ideas of life were fantastical and Romantic, exactly the opposite of what I've been reading on this website. The only time I ever "made-out" or gone further with a girl is if they approached me or if I was really drunk.

However, I've learned a lot from this website about Inner Game.. I haven't materialized all of it.. (there's a shitload of material) but soon I will. I've become so confident lately I can go up to any two girls and ask them to have a threesome without much anxiety.

My problem now is that I can't distinguish if this girl likes me as a provider (friend) or as a possible lover? I don't know the IOI's or the signs she gives me and where to look for them, or really what I should say to seem like an attractive provider to her rather than a friend. The problem I have is that I don't want to sift through hours of material on IOI's when I don't have the time seeing as I'm visiting her tommorow morning.

I assume that if we talked deeply for five hours and she did things like carry my guitar equipment a far distance then that must mean she atleast respects me?

Could anyone give me ideas of what you think of this girl and what I can do to sense IOIs or even create IOIs? Thanks!

The convo is good, what girl would spend 5 hours on something she finds unatractive?

I'd throw a lil cocky funny shit at her & maybe a lil more inteligent shit here and there to show her your different, then go direct after some you get some good ioi's...

I'm not an expert, so if I'm wrong anyone can feel free to correct me.

I don't know. It could be because she is playing in my band and she seems a bit different. I know everyone says that, but.. she seems genuinely nice and intelligent, very different from most personalities in women I've seen. Maybe she's BI? Although, she did talk about her past boyfriends. Maybe I'm just kidding myself though, 5 hours is a hell of a long time.

What IOIs should I look for?

Look for the subtle things. Does she listen attentively when you talk to her? It seems like for 5 hours she ought to. And were you guys getting close to each other? Did her demeanor change while you guys were out from when you first met her? Girls can be pretty obvious sometimes. It's just we're too dumb to pick the signals up sometimes even though it is clear as day.

Then again, you said shes in your band. Is your band your sole source of income, or do you do it for fun? Because just like dating in the workplace, it might not be the best idea in the long run. But thats for you to decide.

Seems to me you've got your mind set that you like this girl. but in what environment are you going to be seeing her again? At a rehearsal, or are you both going to do something together? If its the latter, try some kino to gauge her interest.

Sure, when we're talking she responds to every detail and we look at each other's eyes at various times. How close? We sat on a couch beside each other and we were walking side by side (not holding hands or something). Yeah, she started to talk more as the night when on.

No, it's not a big deal about the band. My problem was if she was only being nice because she's in my band.

We generally will be hanging out at her house, just the two of us, and then will be walking outside. What do you mean by Kino?

Things are going to turn ugly if you care about your music at all.

Having girls in your band = shit will hit the fan

Why? I'd hate to sound misogynistic at all, but in my experience girls are utterly incompetent when it comes to performing music in a live band. They will not commit to the music with passion. Dedication is needed to play in a band. The only reason girls initially agree to playing in a band is because they just think it will be fun.

With that kind of dynamic going on, seduction will be incomprehensible.

You are being misogynistic. Not all girls are preppy tools who think music is just fun. She's very dedicated, she's written a whole album of her own material. Some girls aren't incompetent pieces of meat you know.

Also the music is Black Metal. I doubt she has the mentality of touring with the Jonas Brothers. And it's session work. If it doesn't work out than whatever.

In that case it sounds like you've stumbled upon a rare gem, provided that she has decent improvisational skills. I was merely speaking from personal experience and have never met a girl who's written an entire album of original music.

Why seduce her when you can have something so much greater with her in your band? Sure, you can try to have your cake and eat it, too, but that's not something I'd risk if you have a band member like that.

Seduction always involves risk, no matter what impression you gather from "indirect game."