Hey guys, I'm going to be real here, I don't know if this belongs in this sub-forum, and right now I feel so out of it that you all begrudging me for putting it in the wrong place won't bother me anyway.

Let's start with some background. I am a 20 year-old student in Chicago, IL who has *gasp* NEVER GOTTEN LAID. If you guys think you're the lowest of the low, there's a new kid on the block - I am, bar none, the biggest loser you all have ever met/read about/given advice to. I was raised exclusively by mom, and she wasn't really an aid in developing any sort of game throughout my teenage years. As a result, I've grown up into this disgustingly awkward human being that has to look at the ground when talking to ANYONE - male, female, young, old, gay, straight - whatever.

Here's a little more for you: I'm actually a very intelligent and well-educated guy (I go to a university that's top 10 in the country) and I like to think that I can hold a solid conversation, just not about the stuff chicks like talking about. Hit me with international relations or religion and I GOT YOU COVERED, but throw me into a club and expect me to talk to women about whether or now a $400 LV belt gets a guy laid or not and I come ENTIRELY unglued.

Even more for you: I'm a very good looking guy. After ~1300 hotornot ratings, I ended up with a clean 9.7, and chicks throughout high school were always interested in me from afar...that is, before I ever spoke to them. I'm not jacked or anything, in fact, I'm a pretty skinny guy, but I take good care of myself and I was blessed because I have two rather beautiful Russian parents. On the topic of Russians, I am also a freaking Russian born and bred, so I speak the language, can pull a sweet accent, and can wear a leather jacket and jeans like no one else - TOTAL BABE MAGNETS RIGHT THERE GUYS!

Here's the reality, I probably have the most extreme case of AA there ever was. At the beginning of this summer, I decided that I was tired of seeing big, jocky guys with the hottest girls, and I decided that it was time to stop pitying myself because of it. It was time for change, and I started by reading as much of the literature as possible. So far, I've read 6 books on PUA, and whenever I finish a book, I feel like I can do absolutely anything, get any chick, etc. etc. etc. In the field, I come apart, I can't remember what lines to use to direct the conversation in an effective manner, and I usually end up walking away awkwardly from a girl, if I even approach her.

Case in point, I went to a club for my friend's 19th last night. First of all, they drew big X symbols on my hands because I'm under 21, so that was a great confidence booster from the start. /sarcasm Secondly, I kept telling myself that I would NEVER see these girls ever again in my life, and that there was absolutely no harm in coming up to them and starting a conversation. I kept telling this to myself in my head over and over again, but when push came to shove, I would psyche myself.

After two and a half hours in the club, I approached three 2-sets simply by asking "Either of you guys want to dance?". Every time the answer was "No, we're waiting for someone." I know it's bullshit, you know it's bullshit, but I didn't know where to go from there.

In one instance, I came up to a girl who was sitting by herself and texting, and my brilliant opener was "You going to just sit here all night and stare at your phone?". She didn't find it funny. I introduced myself as "Ace" (not my real name, but I play poker for a living and I figured chicks would ask me how I got that name or where it originates), and she didn't bite...she just told me her name and went back to looking at her phone. I got up and was out of there with a "Have fun...", sweating profusely and probably so red in the face that you could have cooked eggs on my cheek.

The bottom line, there were probably 50 instances in which I could have approached a 1 or 2 set and used one of the hundreds of openers that I know - I did it ONCE. I have AA, lack of self-confidence, and everything else imaginable that prevents guys like you and me from coming up to random women and talking to them.

I can sum this up in one word.

Help.

_________________
"I sat by the ships, a useless burden,
though there are better in Assembly-
so may this strife of men and gods be done with" - Achilles, XVIII.104-107

Heya!

It's great that you post this and let it out. The first step is always to admit you have a problem.

Now, over to what I can tell from this report:

1. Realization, there is a lot of other people out there that has it worse then you. I even know quite a few from what I read. This isn't meant in a negative way, but to help you gain a healthy perspective of things. Stop telling yourself that you are the biggest looser, stop telling yourself that you are a victim and instead. Do something about it! I hope that this is the cause of you being here:)

2. Approaches at the club:

- Seeing as you are very new to this I would recommend doing the beginner mission first. It will really help you in terms of AA.
- Ok, the thing you will never open with again is: "Either of you guys want to dance?"
Just start out really simple. Like "Hey, I am ____.", "Hey, how is your night today?", "Hey". This is simple openers that doesn't require much thinking to come up with. After this you should work on transitioning. This means that you change the subject. I usually ask a question like "how is your night?", and by the answer they give me I playfully tease or tell them something linked to what they say.

Hope this helps!
- Exerio

Wow, now theres a sentence that sums up the last month for me For that reason i'm not the best person to be giving you advice but just keep going with it man, choose to have a positive attitude towards stuff and dont dwell on the failures because even when you dont get what you wanted, you do get experience.

Get over yourself. My wingman knows a guy who was 36 before he got laid, and is so awkward around people that the first time I met him, he stood outside the pub by himself whilst everyone went inside for drinks. I had just met him and felt really sorry for him so I literally had to go outside and drag him in. Myself? I'm 22 and never been kissed...

Do a Google search for "XX year old virgin" and you'll find many on forums/yahoo answers etc.

There is always someone worse off than you, suck it up and get over yourself.

I may be wrong, but I think your problem is that inside your mind, you basically don't care what other people have to say or think. Consequently, you can't make smalltalk. Not an easy one to fix but you should maybe evaluate yourself and see if this is what your problem is (I'm just guessing here).

Sorry if this seems overly harsh, but you need some MTFU (man-the-fuck-up), that is what girls are attracted to after all... or so I've heard.

Edit: P.S. what I always think to myself when something might start to be awkward (for example last night when I held my hand out to two girls, as in "Let's dance?" and they both ignored me) is "I'm never gonna see these people again". Also, even if I do... they probably won't remember me. Secondly, in this instance, another guy (who admittedly had a better looking upper body - I have the physique of a pro cyclist) got rejected too, about a minute later. Sometimes, they just want to be alone for a night out.

Get out of your comfort zone.

_________________
Lurker

Hey Achille:

What do you usually do on a Friday night? What do you usually do on a Saturday afternoon?

Do any of the activities you do involve seeing women out and about? If yes, then you should focus on doing those activities where you are likely to meet women.

You should work on getting the mechanics of a conversation down. So you don't like talking about whether wearing a $400 belt will get guys laid? I don't like talking about that kind of thing either. You can control the conversation - girls will be interested in your russian accent. Sounds to me like you enjoy talking about russia - talk about that with girls.

Like the other poster said - just introduce yourself, ask girls where they are from, and what they do. I know the books say don't do this; but those books are assuming that you already have the social skills to carry on that kind of conversation. You don't seem to have the basic conversational skills down yet.

You should work on just making a conversation last for five minutes or longer. Once you get that down you can pepper your conversations with some of the techniques you learned in the books.

You're good looking on hotornot? That's not going to help you unless you body mechanics are good. You gotta keep your back straight and position your arms in the right way. Watch a James Bond movie - he has good body mechanics.

Well that's a start - post some field reports and tell us about your progress.

Hey man it seems like we have alot in common...

-20
-Good looking and Intelligent
-Never been laid
-Russian (im not born and bred though)
-Poker player

So I know where your coming from. Although I dont suffer from severe AA like you do. However, I do suffer AA at times the field, and sometimes have to resort to liquid courage to open. Its hard for me to give advice on this subject because I have failed a hell of alot more than ive succeeded, but ive noticed that in the few times that I have gotten K-closes or hooked a set in the field was by having a positive frame heading into the night.

Before you go out you should try and have something positive in your head, and when your out just try and act like your just out there to have a good time. Smile, and just casually open people by saying "Hey, hows it going?" (like someone above mentioned). You dont even need to start a conversation from that point. Just say "Hey, watsup" with a smile, and move on.

As well, Ive also noticed that when I succeed, its usually when Im out with a group of friends, where Im already going to be in a positive social state by just talking to my buddies before I talk to the girls. Maybe you should try that.

I hope this helps man, and best of luck

That is a good place to be mate. But by reading your post I dont think that you have hit your rock bottom yet. Believe me some guys in here have gone through SHIT before getting really good with women and dating.

You have a lot of things going for you mate. My profile is no different than yours only that I dont have Russian heritage or the good looks that you are talking about.

You just have one problem from what I see, i.e. having and interesting opener and through multi threading bringing the girl into your reality i.e. you are well read and intelligent and know a lot about religion and international relations. YES, you can absolutely talk about these things to a girl in a bar. But you have to make it interesting and funny for her. You need some help in multi threading.

If you are serious about getting better at this then feel free to PM. I'd be glad to try and help give you ideas to convey your awesome personality to a girl in a way that would thrill her. Dont get disheatened because you have a lot going on for you.

Infact start reading on shit tests, openers etc.. on this forum. You would get ideas for good come backs for when a girl says 'no I'm waiting for someone' or when she says anything discouraging. IMO you just need to get out there and keep trying. But yes for help we guys are around

Thanks for all of the responses guys.

I do realize that I actually have a lot going for me. Believe it or not, I am generally a pretty confident person, unless we're dealing with the realm of women. In an academic or workplace setting I embody many of the "alpha male" qualities that I've recently read about, but I have a lot of trouble transitioning them to a club or party setting.

The main problem I see with myself is a lack of experience. Given experience, people are, more often than not, able to master or at least strongly grapple various tasks. I imagine I wasn't confident in school from day one; it was an acquired confidence as I realized my strength and weaknesses in that particular setting. The same, I believe, can be said for women - right now, this is uncharted territory, and human nature all but tells us to be afraid of that which is unfamiliar.

I first got a job at a grocery store when I turned 16, and I was deathly afraid of dealing with strangers back then. Fortunately, I was forced to deal with them on a regular basis, and after the first few hundred encounters it became entirely effortless. I learned, through experience, to no longer be afraid of approaching a customer at a grocery store, and I believe that, through experience, I'll be able to learn to do the same with women.

I need to train myself out of having approach anxiety. I've read some of the posts on dealing with AA and putting it away forever, but I was wondering if anyone had any extra tips or strategies for ditching it altogether?

_________________
"I sat by the ships, a useless burden,
though there are better in Assembly-
so may this strife of men and gods be done with" - Achilles, XVIII.104-107

First you have to get your inner game right. There's not much use in applying material if you're not feeling great yourself. Try some new looks, think about all your strenghts and exploit them (there's so much you can do with your russian origin, trust me I'm from South Africa and when I just bring that up the conversation is rolling). If you feel good, you will already notice a big difference in how people see you. Also get your body language right. Once your inner game is good you'll have more confidence and it will boost your game!

Well my story is quite similar except I'm a Brit. I'm 22 and not got any so you're ok so far... But I can see I'm an attractive guy and on nights out girls have perceived me as confident.

Btw as a side note I was raised quite a bit by my mother, was in the 'leg up' programme at school due to a speech impedement (which has since been fixed) and had an abusive drunkard for a father who would often undermine me. I rarely got hit but the verbal abuse and his massive absence while growing up was hardly a help.

But just remember this, rather than letting it defeat you, I prefer to think of this quote:

"That which does not kill me makes me stronger" - Friedrich Nietzsche

I personally revel the uphill battle and the struggle because at the end of the day, when I make it, it makes it all worth it, which I think is the mentality that most people who are trying to make an improvement in their lives should take onboard (and to top it off, this isn't just in seduction and pick up, this is also just generally if you want to make a success of yourself).