FR: approach in mall, convo kept fizzling out...



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PostPosted: Thu Jul 30, 2009 6:30 am 
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Location: Phoenix, AZ
<location: the mall>
I went out into the field to practice compliment openers. I had a stack planned out – I would compliment a girl on her necklace/ring, and then tell her that she must be a stylish sort of girl, and then tell her that you could tell a lot about someone by her necklace/earrings/ring and launch into a cold read.
This did not work out at all. First off, this was because my stack depended on my target being alone, thus I couldn’t open sets with it (I have no clue how I’m supposed to open sets in day game). and second off, I couldn’t seem to find any target who fit my bill walking around (for some reason I have serious troubles approaching people who are walking around). I need a new stack that will work for more cases, and to figure out how to open day game sets.
So I decided, if I was having troubles approaching people that were walking, I would go into some stores to have a more casual environment.
I went into Urban Outfitters, surveying the area. there were quite a few HBs there. I looked at those funny books they have and decided which girl to approach. I was having AA that I would not be able to sustain a conversation with them, and I was trying not to create any weird vibe with my opener. (Well, I tried.)
So I approached the girl (HB8) and touched her on the arm right by the shoulder (kino).
Luminova: “Hey, you look like you’re enjoying the books. Could you recommend any funny ones to me?”
HB8: “Um, not really.”

not the best thought out overall, but there came a point where I just had to force myself to open without overanalyzing things. it failed miserably and I was left hanging. I said some random stuff I can’t remember trying to get a conversation going, but to no avail. she didn’t seem receptive, so finding a foothold with my AFC cold-approach conversation-starting skills didn’t work so well.
I was feeling weird and not so confident, so I changed locations. I went into the mall bookstore next.
In Barnes & Noble, I walked in. I encountered a girl who worked there.
She had a pair of cowboy boots on. I could hardly not make some sort of comment on them. I launched into C+F, busting on her for her boots, and how she must be a cowboy and stuff.

HG5: “Hi, how are you today?”
Luminova: “Wow, are those cowboy boots? Dang, what’s with those?”
HG5: “Oh yeah, ha ha.”
she is giving positive body language and reactions and everything
Luminova: “You must be some sort of cowboy or something.” with a grin
HG5: “No, I just felt like wearing them to work.”
interaction starts to fizzle out
Luminova: “Dang, with those bracelets, you’ve got the whole Western theme going on.”
then things fizzled out. I flat-out couldn’t come up with anything to say, so I awkwardly walked away.

so I continued wandering around the store. I was hoping I could have an interaction without this problem. AA was not helping me any here. I went into the manga section, and there was an Asian HB5 sitting on the ground, her back against the shelves, reading a manga book.
Luminova: “Excuse me, I’m new to manga, are there any books you can recommend to me?”
this opener is similar to my previous opener in UO, but this is just because they were situational
HB5: *giggle* “I can’t think of any, sorry.”
judging by her body language and tonality, she had no interest in talking to me
Luminova: “Nothing at all?”
HB5; “No, sorry.” she resumed reading
Luminova: “Well, thanks anyway.”

I was unable to keep things going when I opened any of them. Two showed no interest, but for all three, I was unable to hook them, to get a conversation going.

a problem I’m having is that AA keeps coming back after I screw up. I will go to approach this HB, and then will freeze up in approach because I get this feeling that I’m going to stall out when I talk to her. which is exactly what happens!! so each time this screws me up, it makes it harder to approach the next time, because I know I’m going to be zapped by it.
let me explain it a little. when I say “freeze up,” I don’t mean I have a panic attack. I mean, things simply fizzle out and I can’t keep the conversation going. *:[ I can’t follow up my opener, I can’t transition into routines. (Granted, if I had followed my stack, this problem probably wouldn’t have happened, but I was having troubles initiating my stack.)


what can I do about this?? what am I doing wrong?

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~Luminova~


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PostPosted: Thu Jul 30, 2009 8:45 pm 
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at least you're taking that step at approaching to better yourself. unlike me, i just don't even try and keep eye contact, i'm not ugly or anything, it's just a habit that's so hard to get out of man. :(


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PostPosted: Mon Aug 03, 2009 3:21 am 
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dude this happens to me all the time, if you ever figure out whats wrong, please, please please message me as to how you got over that problem


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PostPosted: Mon Aug 03, 2009 4:00 pm 
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Joined: Fri Jul 31, 2009 6:11 pm
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Location: Harbin, China
I guess it's like you said, you had a stack prepared but it was too narrow in scope and you never got a chance to use it, and completely changing gameplans in midstream is something only a guy with a lot more experience would expect to pull off easily I'd guess. Next time you plan to go out, try to prep a different stack and see if you have better luck when you actually get the chance to try to use it. Also maybe trying playing the numbers game a little more... and by that I mean go in expecting nothing to happen 90% of the time, and then make sure you open at least 10 sets =p. Luck is a factor when you don't have the experience to look a girl over and decide in 3 seconds before you even talk to her whether you have a decent chance at engaging her, but the larger your sample size, the more you remove luck as a factor.


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PostPosted: Mon Aug 03, 2009 4:07 pm 
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This is a very usual problem that most people encounter in the beginning.
You have to transition after the opener, else the conversation will stale.

I usually go by a model like this:
(assuming in a bookstore)

Me: Hey, can you recommend a book that's an enjoyable read?
HB: Uhm, not really.
Me: I actually expected this answer, you see, a lot of people tend to go into their own head when reading, and in some cases they may slip out on an enjoyable experience by that.

Now, what I do here is getting her attention. This is also called a transition because you are able to change the subject away from books. In this example I used a tiny neg, by telling her she can't pay attention while also giving value by telling her that she can get an enjoyable experience.

If you use transitions like these you should get their attention and then you can game further from there.

- Exerio


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