I've had a problem for a couple of years now, where I'll focus so intensely on a girl that I won't be able to eat, sleep, I'll have a constant sense of anxiety, and a painfully uneasy feeling. I always wonder what she's doing, who she's doing it with, and that her life is so much better than mine.

These girls have had way more life experiences, have way more friends, have a lot more going for them, get the attention of everyone, and then there's me. If we're in a social environment together, she's the social butterfly talking to everyone. I can never fully be present with the people I'm interacting with at these same gatherings, because I'm always thinking about who she's talking with, how much fun she's having on her own, and to verify how much of a loser I am in comparison.

There is a surefire way of getting over this intense one-itis on one girl, and that is getting this intense one-itis with another girl. It works every time. Once I shift my focus, it's like the previous girl doesn't exist.

This one-itis only develops once I've invested something in her (not a completely worship-from-afar scenario where I haven't even talked to her). It's usually after we start texting each other, or when I've asked her to dinner, or we've met at social gathering a few times and are bound to run into each other again.

You'd think that having had multiple of these painful one-itis experiences, I'd have learned to deal with the feelings about it - but I just can't, the feelings get worse. The pain of the feelings associated with this new one-itis I have at this moment are the same, if not worse, as the feelings I had 5 or 6 one-itis's ago, a couple of years ago.

HOW PATHETIC IS THIS?! I hate the feelings associated with it, I hate that I'm not getting conditioned to get used to it and get over it. I hate waking up with a painful, anxious feeling every morning thinking about her and how much better than me she is. I hate thinking about how much fun she has with her friends, how full and complete her life is, and how I'll never have a part of it.

If she were to let me into her world (and I realize it should be me letting her into my world - I'm just nowhere near there yet), I'd be glad to be a part of such a high self-esteem woman. But high self-esteem women that I have a one-itis for with whom nothing ends up happening, not even as friends, just make me feel worse about myself.

To be honest, I'd love to be in the LJBF zone with some of these people. I'd love to dig into their minds and learn about their lives, how they think, where they come from, how they got to where they are, how awesome they are - but by the time I run my game and find out they're not interested, they realize I'm interested so they don't really let me in as friends - more just as friendly acquaintances. I think being close friends with some of these girls would give me a point of comparison for my next one-itis - the next one wouldn't have such a big effect on me because I'd have so many friends like her (or BETTER than her) that I wouldn't be so caught up on her.

I've got so much inner game baggage, and I don't know HOW I got it in the first place - this need to just attach on to a girl. Oh, right, it might have something to do with the fact that I'm in my mid-20s and haven't even kissed a girl or had a girlfriend!

This has turned into one big, unorganized rant of my pain - I don't even know what I'm asking. Please, guys, help me out and tell me what to do. I'm actually well-off socially, I'm decent looking, and have many friends and a good job. I'm just so lost.

Wow dood, sounds like you have a lot of innner game to work on. I would recommend Hypnotica's Deep Inner Game or David D's Deep Inner game material.

The way you latch on and attach to girls too quick (or at all) is definitely an issue, and you're creating all these negative feelings inside your head. You need to break that mentality before you can actually start seeing success.

So step one is to check out those programs, one or the other (preferrably both )

Step two is to get into a more positive mindset, stop with the negative thinking and envious thoughts. Don't worry so much about what other ppl are doing. Worry about yourself; you should be having a good time and enjoying life, not being concerned with how other ppl r living their own, especially ppl you've only seen 5 or 6 times.

Step three would be to talk to more than one girl at a time, so you don't fall into one-itis traps anymore. I know that some ppl have used this effectively to avoid one-itis situations, even if they are totally not into the other girls they're seeing, but they just dont want to become too emotionally attached.

Definitely work on your inner game... if you continue down this path, it won't be good. Stay positive. Use your resources; I'm sure you've got lots of material to read/listen/watch. Also, hopefully some other ppl will chime in on ur sitch.

Good luck broham.

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like you said you have alot of inner game baggage. you worry to much about what she is doing then rather worry about what YOU are doing. Stop beating yourself up for it. Its shows that you are a needy type of person. you need to be with someone or else you get anxiety. It also shows your insecurity( also an inner game problem). i'm not a doc or anything but IMHO its best to work on your inner game. once you start liking yourself more, build up more cofiedent. then you can start liking other people without the worries you have now. Its good that you noticed the pattern of it and that you have a problem. Read up on inner game. A good book i read is called " awaking the gaint within". slowly but surly you will get out of this phase.

questions for you. Does you friend tease you about not having a g/f? is your friend or social network friendly or negative towards you? basicly does your friend support you?

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"Live life to the fullest, never look back, remember No regrets" J.f

You need to be going after multiple girls at once, this will definately help, and if you keep feeling your life isnt so great compared to theres, it seems like your judging your happiness in life on how well your entertaining these girls.

You need to pick up a new hobbie or sport, go to the gym, rock climbing or the best would be salsa dancing, these will be something else you can concentrate your life on and suceed in, plus they all give you HSV and plus everyone loves a guy who can dance . So try something new, and you'll feel much better...plus you might meet a few girls from picking some stuff up.

cut the person out of your life its the easiest way

one itus is a bastard

You're not qualified for self diagnosis of your situation so just let it go. Why are you labeling yourself? You say you run into what you call "oneitis" after you make contact and interact.

What you're suffering from is ZERO game. If you're going nutty over them after interacting, obviously, you haven't had opportunity to shoot your load down their throats.

Stop with all this analyzing of the self. I promise you, this is a dead end. And don't bother asking us amateurs to analyze you as this could lead to a marathon.(Running the wrong way) Go to a professional shrink? Yeah, try it out and come back here 2 months later 800 dollars short and several prescriptions for anti-anxiety medication wondering why you're still not getting laid.

Dude, you need to get laid . . . period. You need to feel the power of going into a bar, chatting up a chick, bringing her back and shooting your cum so deep down her throat she shits it out of her ass. Forget inner, outer, meta, psycho blabber. Research this site for openers and open ideas. Research this site for routines. Research for closes. Then you go out and RUN THE FUCKING SHOW.

One girl goes, "Fuck off!" And you go, "OK . . ." And you hit on the girl sitting next to her and fuck her. This is the way it works. Once you realize that this power has ALWAYS been in you as a MAN . . . you will realize your place in the World. Life isn't that complicated. We sleep, wake up, walk around, eat, shit, and WE FUCK. That's all there is. Everything else is bullshit built around monetary credit/debt and social norms created by morons.

You've been doing all the basic crap that men need to do to live: Breathe, eat, walk around, sleep. . . guess what? We need to FUCK. My man, go out and fuck. Give me specific situations and I will personally do all I can to help you achieve this goal. You probably need to do this several times for you to see the light.

...wow

kasabi i think u need to write a book or something thats pretty deep

he is right though dude

Thanks to all of you guys for your input, your support helps.

I've been giving this LOTS of thought, and while I realize I need to get laid, there's a lot of internal baggage I think I should clear first, otherwise no amount of pussy will help me feel good about myself - do you agree?

I've been thinking about myself a lot, and I realized my problem is especially true when it's a very high self-esteem woman or a woman who is very flirty with lots of guys and loves male attention. In these cases, I feel like at the very best I could only be a small part of her awesome life, at most, and that makes me feel SO SMALL. (As bad as it sounds, I almost want a girl who'll make me the centre of her world, just for the feeling of acceptance and validation which I NEED so much right now.)

Ambitious, socially-skilled, desirable women have so much going for them that it seems like she would never spend any time thinking about me and it draws me into a pit of over-thinking about her. The smallest reminder about a conversation I had with her or an interesting trip she took or how she had a great time the other night just send me down a negative spiral of self-pity.

What scares me is on the surface I already have my shit together. Others see me as having lots of interests, hobbies, activities (which I do), but how sad is what I'm about to say - none of these things keep me passionate when I'm obsessing about a girl. I could win the biggest award or honour, but if I'm in my one-itis phase for one of these high quality girls, nothing means anything to me. HOW SAD IS THIS?! I could be out with friends who, under normal circumstances, would get me out of any bad mood but even if I'm making or laughing at jokes with them, even they can't get me out of my one-itis.

Now...enough self-pity. How do I get over this? I've been telling myself how anytime her thoughts come into my head, I'm going to let it go and not think about it - easier said than done. Consciously, I can stop the thoughts, but at the back of my mind the anxiety and poor feelings remain and I know it...

I'm hoping you can point me in the right direction here...like I said before, going out and getting with lots of girls would be great but my skills aren't there yet and, even if they were, I'd feel this crummy about a lot of girls instead of just one. Pussy with my current state of mind won't make me come out of this mess - or will it?

As I mentioned earlier, you are not qualified to give this "LOTS of thought". Your thought processes in regards to your self is a habitual spiral of negativity and at this point, stands to be your toughest adversary.

Put it this way. Let's say you're a boxing coach and a new kid walks into your gym. He seems like a natural athlete but he's never boxed before. He tells you, "Coach, I'm really worried about boxing against a World Champ. I feel like the World Champ is probably too skilled for me. He's probably faster than me. He's stronger than me. I really want to be the champ but I'm really worried."

What would you tell the kid? . . . Well, I think any decent coach would chuckle, "Kid, you've never even had a pair of gloves on your hands yet!" . . . and then tell him something like, "Go take 2 laps around the pond and when you get back, we'll start off with some bag work."

I am by no means suggesting that your internal beliefs aren't important. But like a boxing match, an incredible and fulfilling life does not occur INSIDE YOUR HEAD. Sure, you want to be confident going in the ring but how do you gain that confidence?

Back to the boxing example. Instead of wasting his life, day dreaming (and worrying) about boxing, that kid will learn the basics and train. He'll get stronger, he'll get faster . . . and by the time he faces the champ some years later, he'd already have several fights under his belt. NOW he'd know how it feels to knock guys out. He'd know what to look out for based on fights he's lost. Wouldn't you think he'd be in better position to "THINK A LOT" about this?

In my initial reply, I didn't suggest you go get "laid" merely for the purpose of cleaning your pipes and releasing some endorphins. What I am suggesting is that the process of going to get laid will get you working on your basics. Consider it "basic training". Stop WASTING your precious brain power on crap that does NOTHING for you. You're not going to "feel better" by suggesting to your self that you should "feel better, feel better" no many how many times you repeat it. In fact, I bet you will agree that you feel WORSE after one of your "thought sessions".
No shit man! So what do you do? Sit there and think "Why? Why?" No . . . stop thinking. Begin with openers. Just do it.

"Woh! You look great in that dress. Thank God for this weather." (Just go in front of the damn mirror and just make up shit like this.)

Then just go out and just try it out. Random girls . . . just chat them up.

Then go to routines. . . closes . . . Keep progressing.

I am not suggesting promiscuity in terms of sex. You don't need to have sex with 100 girls but you do need to go out and get laid.(For the reasons I mentioned above) But in order to really try this out, you do need to be "promiscuous" with your flirting. You will see that a great majority of women seriously dig confident guys who are willing to chat them up. Forget the first 10 girls. That very first girl you open and she beams that FAT SMILE right back at you, your confidence points will jump 10 points. This is the type of process you need to be repeating.

Seriously, from this point on . . . I would much rather offer you ideas on how to go about chatting with women. Do yourself a favor and start up a new topic. . . and for God sakes, stop with this self-diagnostics crap. You don't have one-itis. And I'm not saying that to be nice. Your issue has very little to do with your emotions and your target girl(s) and has A LOT to do with you having little experience(with women) due to your very low level game. Go improve it.

Its human nature to see other people and the lives they lead as interesting and vibrant, but see ourselves as drab and predictable. This is however just a perception problem that can be fixed and is the core of the so-called inner game.

I think in your case though the problem is compounded by the fact that your still a virgin: your mating instinct has become so strong that your latching onto any target that presents itself, so strong that its compromising your sense of self worth - your mating instinct is basically trying to convince you that you are worthless on your own in order to make you desperate to get with someone. Its just millions of years of genetic programming kicking in.

Really I think you need to get out there and have some sex with pretty much anyone, I mean seriously, hire an escort or something if it comes to that.

Guys, wow - this is all great advice, and I'm going to stop diagnosing myself.

However, don't be surprised if you see an addition to this post if more of my past shit bubbles up - in which case I'll vent here and get over that old shit with some of your advice.

EXTRA EXTRA

Cure for Oneitis FOUND......GFTOW(Go F*** Ten Other Women) and see if your still interested in the original girl!