Hey Everyone,
I really wasn't sure at first if I wanted to write anything about this at all because it has been a long road. After considering how it might influence other members I decided to go ahead and write about my journey as it relates to the pickup community or dating community.
We need to set the stage with a little bit of background information. I had a few girlfriends growing up that I was lucky enough to be sexually active with. I was the preverbial nice guy that most of us were that'd do anything to avoid confrontation. I was so nice I was taken advantage of most of the time and often picked on growing up.
Many of the relationships I was in ended up in heartbreak. Several of them cheated on me with other guys. That includes my ex-wife that I was married to for about 3 and a half years. It was just after she left me in January 2007 that I started looking for people to date.
Needless to say I was depressed upset, felt very self concious about my weight and apperance, and wasn't very secure with being me. Hell, I didn't even really know who "Jon" was at that point in time.
I turned to going online with Match, Eharmony, and sites like that. I was pretty good at meeting people this way, and eventually would get a lot better with it. A few girls were nice enough to meet me and are still "good friends" LOL. I turned to this because I knew I could meet people in person.
This is what I looked like starting out by the way for some laughs. This was taken at my work.
I wore a lot of hats, had generic t-shirts most of them years old from High School or College, I wore a size 40 inch waist in jeans that were baggy, had pretty bad acne, bad psoriosis, and really yellow teeth due to smoking. I kept a pretty high and tight hair cut because thats what I had as a kid. I was always quick to be angry because of depression and generally just not happy. NOT TO MENTION I COULDN'T MEET A GIRL TO SAVE MY LIFE! I always became the best friend.
After several failures of trying to date on my own I picked up Neil Strauss's The Game and Mystery's How to get beautiful women into bed off Amazon. I thought to myself finally I'll be able to get this taken care of but was very skeptical if it worked. I started reading The Game first got about half way, and wanted to know "how" to do this. I was really mesmorized by how easy it all seemed to work. I then started reading Mystery's book. A few months later the show would air in its first season.
I tried going out on my own to bars and nightclubs not really knowing what to do, how to dress, or anything like that. I would go and not approach while all the time promising myself next time I would, but I didn't for a while. Still I got more comfortable being in the club environment, it was a culture shock for me. I realized how hard this stuff was going to be but made myself a promise that I wouldn't ever give it up!
Around this time I joined this forum and really started my journey. Through advise from guys like L.A. Tripp, Rye Lee, The Doctor, and others I started fine tuning my game. I started putting together a small black pocket sized notebook of openers, transitions, what to do in A2, A3, etc. Before I'd go into the club I'd sit in my car re-reading these to memorize them for use later.
I met several "Wings" from the forum off and on as I started out. This was helpful but most would go out with me a night or two and then disappear. During this stage I was mostly just opening and walking away not knowing what to really do next or having the confidence to do it. Most all of them struggled with AA just as I did, but I was determined to have better in my life. That determination made me keep going out solo, and posting field reports so I could get feedback and do it better. I stop caring about if I failed, because I knew it was just a part of it all.
(Me attempting peacocking with rings and all)
When I wasn't out I was on the forum learning, reading, watching videos, listening to audio or anything to LEARN my way around this problem as I had many before. The truth was I needed to go out more to get better. Even at work, on lunch breaks before going to bed, etc. I was obsessed!
Going out 2 nights a week on Friday & Saturday quickly became 4 nights a week (Thurs, Frid, Sat, Sun) on the average. I went to the same few clubs to get to know the staff better. I got more and more comfortable in the night club after a few months. I also got more comfortable approaching people and was getting further along in the process before ejecting.
I also started talking to other members of the forum more frequently. Guys like KinoEscalator, JSquared, Paramour, Juice and L.A. Tripp where very helpful. Talking game and going over my nights actions in addtion to my field reports got me better and helped me learn faster by analyzing it all. The hard part was applying that knowledge.
After about 6 months of this I was doing really well and started to get this whole Indirect Mystery Method down. I was posting some really good field reports and wasn't as dependent on hiding behind a computer to meet women. I was able to pull 3 somes at times, I could get lays, I could hold my own in large groups too without a wing.
I felt more comfortable and more alive in all my life! But at the same time my job was suffering horribly from me being tired, posting on the forum so much, and focusing so much of my life on PUA. I realized about this time I needed a balance but didn't know how to get it yet. I alienated my friends, family, and others as I continued through my journey but still determined.
Around that time there was the PMZ meetup in 2008 where I learned much about the other members I had been talking to online, and learned new tips. It was around this time that KinoEscalator and I started planning on teaching a Orlando Workshop. The best way to learn is to teach so we posted even more on the forums. Forcing us to learn as we tried to help people and also ramping up our "Game" if you will. Not to mention I started writing the Online Dating Black Book as well since my online game was now excelling since I came back to it.
I seemed to get better and better. I started leaving behind Mystery Method and started doing more of my own style of things and pulling Single Night Lays. This was a big focus for me for a while and I did. I could pull it off after several nights of failure but still I felt empty and like I was searching for something. But I kept doing what I thought I wanted. I wanted the rockstar community lifestyle that people talked about but I started wanting just a good relationship.
October 08 I met my past girlfriend. My game slowed down. But by this time I had already started my company JSmooth.org and had been teaching guys for months how to get women. I was also really active in the Nashville Lair around that time. It was a struggle to figure out who to help for free and who to charge, but I managed. My girlfriend moved in with me and we started getting really serious.
(Me and Taylor)
Because I couldn't GAME for all those months I had developed a nice social circle of hot friends and people that were good to know. I could now go out and be recognized almost anywhere and most of the time get some perks which is nice. But I was never truly alone out there anymore.
Many of the times I was out I be asked to "perform" for new guys to show them this stuff works, or my clients. Hell even my girlfriend would show her friends what I could do. I became a dancing monkey because I wanted to approach. I wanted to show off my skills to people, but it didn't get me what I wanted.
This spring 09 my relationship with my girlfriend ended when she moved to Ohio to persue a career opportunity. I changed the name of my Business to NashvilleDatingCoach.com and gave it a more professional look and started to take it away from the basic pickup guidelines. I put up some new products and then held a $20 workshop here in Nashville for a day that was successful.
Now here I am, I am very fluid with what I do. I am still single at the moment but on about 3 dates a week on the average. I have a great social circle of friends to call on a moments notice. I have gone back and received forgiveness from Friends and Family and patched those areas of my life.
(*I have 3 half brothers and 3 half sisters. This is me and some of my family).
Physically, I have limited my smoking a lot and quit once for a long time. I whitened my teeth, change my dress to more of a business casual look, hair is much longer and styled much better, don't wear hats, have jeans that fit and are a size 36. I have updated most all of my wardrobe. Not to mention I tan now too! I work out when I can and changed my eating habits over the yaers. I feel and look much better. As for the depression I treated that as well with some normal medication thanks to my doctor. I truly feel much better.
July 4th Weekend.
Game wise I pretty much open once and close once. I seldom have to approach more than two sets in a night to end up hanging out with one of them all night, getting a number, and a kiss. I don't push for SNL because I am after a long term relationship now, and furthering my social circle. I go out with a few friends and meet up with my social circle on a normal basis during the week.
I also have a pretty busy schedule of hanging out with people to give myself opportunities to meet others. Monday - rest. Tuesday - Coffee Shop in the AM / Pool during the day / Two for one drinks and pizza night. Wednesday - Rest. Thurs- Club. Fri. - CLub, Sat- Free Pool Playing until 7pm, @ the Club, Sunday - BBQs with Friends, or rest. Not to mention I still plan on taking dance lessons amongst other ideas. The days of rest usually I end up having dates on and it's a good life.
I'm friends with club owners, club promoters, photographers, bartenders, singers, producers, lots of hot women, great guys!
I feel like I owe a lot to this community and that is why you see me on here posting so much, posting videos on Youtube, and working with my clients. I love the active and social lifestyle that I live. I try to help others as I was once helped in the beginning so that they could feel better and live richer lives.
Remember gentleman women have a small part to do with this journey. The changes you make to yourself for YOU are what's important. This is more than about women this is YOUR JOURNEY. This is your chance to change into the man that you always wanted to be. It's a chance to free your hearts, conquer your fears and misbeliefs, then to live in the moments that take our breath away.
Good luck on your journeys,
Jon
CHAT
