Hey, guys. I've got this opener I've used a few times, but I'm starting to wonder if it's a little off-putting depending on the women in the set. You might say it's a variation on the Jealous Girlfriend opener. See, I've got some nude photos of a couple of ex-girlfriends of mine and I decided I could open sets by asking how women would feel about dating a guy who has naked pictures of his ex. It goes like this:

Me: "Hey, lemme ask you somethin'. Would it bother you if you found out that a guy you were dating had naked pictures of an ex-girlfriend? I got this "buddy of mine" (wink) and he's been dating this girl for about three months and everything's been goin' great, but she recently for some of his old photos that include some pics of a couple of his exes. Now she's upset about it and wants him to get rid of them and he's sayin' "No way." Does she have a valid complaint or is she being ridiculous?"

If they press further, I give them a little background by explaining that these are women that I, I mean he, dated years ago and there's no chance of them ever getting back together. The pics are actually pretty soft-core and tasteful, for the most part. They don't show any part of me going into any part of her.

The first set I opened with this actually said they'd be cool with it, but the sets I've used it on since then say "No way." and I'm beginning to wonder if this might reflect badly on me. I always side with "my friend" and say he should be allowed to keep the pics, but I'm starting to wonder if the women I'm talking to will decide they're not interested in a guy who's cool with that. I had a set tonight who excused themselves not long after I ran this on them. It could just be a coincidence (we were at a restaurant and they were done eating) but I'm wondering if they weren't turned off by the discussion (we sat talking for a while after they were done eating). I have a tendency to be a little paranoid and assume the worst so it may just be my imagination that they were turned off by it. What do you guys think? Thanks.

_________________
Omeo

Okay, here is the thing if I was a hot girl and you approached me with this. I would say to you, "Why are you asking us this?" as a shit test. And the reason I would do this is because you didn't explain yourself.

When you do any kind of Opinion type opener you need to tell them the reason "why" you are asking them. For example... "Let me get your quick opinion on something...I can only stay for a moment cause I have to get back to my friends, but would you date anyone you met on MySpace? The reason I ask is my good friend Megan met this guy the other day and was asking what I thought...."

When you give them a reason why they are more receptive, and if you attach a name to it then it becomes more real and personal. If you don't give them a reason why it's obvious you are just there to hit on them.

I personally think this is a good opener. Now depending on how long you have been using this opener you might not be fluid with it yet which is why some girls are leaving, maybe you aren't being animated or HIGH ENERGY with it. You need to work on your delivery perhaps. The more you use it the easier this comes. PLUS give them a reason why you are asking them, the devil is in the details!

Hope this helps you out,

Jon

_________________
Been around the world twice, Talked to everyone once...

What are you talking about? I did give them a "why". That whole thing about my "buddy" and his girlfriend? That was the "why". I actually say that to them.

_________________
Omeo

You're lucky it worked the first time. If there's one thing you never do, it's bring up ex-girlfriends.

That's one reason I say it's "my buddy" and not me.

_________________
Omeo

My point is this...I understand it's a buddy that you are talking about. However, you still haven't answered the question with your opener of "WHY are you asking us this?"

Are you asking just because you want to know if she has a valid complaint or being ridiculous? Are you asking because your buddy wants to know what he should do? Clarify that a bit is all I am saying.

_________________
Been around the world twice, Talked to everyone once...

Wurm
What JSmooth means when he said yo give them a reason "why".
He means a reason why you are asking them. "Why them" to be exact.

Coming on to them plainly as you do lets them think you were eying them... as if you targeted them.
Rather, make them feel like you just ran into them.
If you're having difficulties with it then a simple tool to use is a time constraint.

One more thing - don't ask them for their opinion... Tell them to give you their opinion.


Xerxes

_________________
- Xerxes

I still don't think I know what you're getting at. here. You seem to be asking a question whose answer is so obvious it doesn't need stating. You can't seriously be asking why I'm asking them, so I assume you must be getting at something else. Obviously I'm asking them because I'm curious about their opinion. It's the same reason any guy asks any woman about any opinion opener.

_________________
Omeo

Maybe start with something like, "You look like a confident bunch. I have to go in a second, but can I get your opinion on something?" Have you tried not siding with your friend? Aren't many girls insecure and would find nude pictures of women that are secure enough to be photographed nude threatening? There's my amateur 2 cents.

minsok gave an excellent example, "you look like a confident bunch" That is the (why) of why you are talking to them.

if someone walked up to you and started talking and asking you questions like he knows you, wouldn't you feel a little weird about his presence... now if he walked up and said "hey you look like a confident guy" and started talking to you about public speaking, you'd probably feel a lot better knowing there's a reason he's talking to you and isn't just walking around looking for a friend - lol

-Xerxes

_________________
- Xerxes

I like the story... but just change the set-up a bit.
Dont make it about your buddy (cause guys with nude pictures of their ex-girlfriends are creepy, and if your hanging out with someone creepy you might be creepy to).

"I need your opinion.. bla bla bla.. my very good friend Sandra has been dating this guy for a couple of months..."

Now: If the girls dont like the fact a guy keeps old pictures you dont have to defend your friend for whatever reasons he might have to keep them.
Just go: Well, Im more a DVD-maker myself.. hahaha

_________________
Vino, vedi, vici.
I drank some wine, I saw her, I conquered

I Like it ; Adds a Bit of curiosity and you can even say
Has this ever happend to any of you guys? Omg if it happed to me id be pissed
ROOT - I'm asking because like my friend many ppl out there most likely go through the same thing so im curious
Even though you rooted u rooted sucbonsicously , instead of consciously
In other words beneath the suface im not saying its wrong im just putting it out there , everyone has their own way

_________________
Difficulties are things that show a person what they are.” Epictetus

i will never use the naked pics opening in a nightclub

sometimes the music will be to load and the girls might not hear eveything your saying and may only here the words "naked pics"

also never bring up your ex-girlfriend, thats a nono

Hey Wurmwood,

Okay man, I may not have been clear enough so let me refine what I'm talking about because I am just trying to help you out a bit. I know why you are asking the girl the opinion opener, that's not what I'm talking about. It's obvious your using the line to open a conversation with a set, yeah I know that! I was getting at something else.

What I am getting at is this. When you walk over to ask the girls a question, any question for that matter if its what dental floss they use, where they bathroom is, or the naked picture opener they are going to want to know WHY you are asking them. Why of all the people around are you asking for their opinion? Why not ask the bald guy in the corner with the biker tats? LOL.

The girls in the set may very well turn to you and say, "Why are you asking us this?" This kind of shit test can hurt early on in the set and cause you to loose sets of women. Now the girls are intelligent they know why you are asking them the question, they know you are interested in them in some way. Your actions of walking over to them and talking to them show them you are interested.They are doing this as a test to see if you can think on your feet, to basically hear you say you like them, and give you some shit. It's just their way.

Now that is the "Why" that I am referring to. I am referring to the girls saying to you "Why you are asking us this question?" This frequently happens if you don't include a "reason" in your opener. That is why in my openers and in Style's or Mystery's they always say something like

"Hey let me get your quick opinion on this...I can only stay for a second because I have to get back to my friends...but Who do you think lies more men or women? The reason I ask is because my buddies and I were over there discussing it and we're 50/50 what do you think?"

What's the reason you ask? Because you and your friends are debating about it and are 50/50 on the whole issue. You are preventively answering the question of "why are you asking us this question" by building the answer into the opener "the reason why I ask is...."

Does that make sense?

This way you don't get shit tested very early into the conversational opener and making your job harder with opening the set and getting them to hook into what you are saying to them.

I hope this makes more sense, and I apologize for the confusion and frustration,

Jon

_________________
Been around the world twice, Talked to everyone once...