Okay so the night before I'm hanging out with some friends and this girl. She's pretty good looking so I decide to get flirty with her. Making fun of her, etc and we start hitting each other and stuff. I thought we were having fun, but I guess not. Also this girl is pretty cool with me we had some deep conversations before this incident.

Cut to the chase.

Next day I see she is throwing a party and I'm not invited. I ask her why she didn't invite me to her birthday party which is coming up and she tells me that I was really being physical with her and it kind of hurt her. So I proceed to say wow I didn't know I was hurting you and I was acting like bitch at this moment trying to suck up to her. She's saying how she thought it was okay but i took it over the line and what not. Then she pulls out how her ex used to hit her too and that is why she feels that physical violence is unecessary. I felt like shit, so I said I'm sorry and I really ment it. Then a few minutes later she responds and says apology accepted. Then the conversation gets kind of lighter because I said I was a horrible apoligizer and it felt awkward. She then proceeds to say that it wasn't awkward its over instant messenging, imagine if it was face to face and I was like i'm better face to face because I can read expressions better. she agrees and what not and she starts explaining how she looked with emoticons throughout the conversation. Like in the beginning her face didn't care then when she brought up her ex she started blushing and then now she is all smiling. we start laughing in the chat and then she says she has to go to sleep because she has a driving test tmr, it's like 1 a.m. I say ok and I'm glad we could work things out, she says yeah I'm glad too.

So basically now I feel like a bitch and i'm thinking everytime we hang out now it's going to be awkward because she's friends with my close friends and we are bound to see each other. I think we are cool now and i still think I have a chance with her because she wouldn't be telling me about her ex and what not if she didn't give two cents about me. But I need the PUA's opinions and help now.

Thanks in advance.

Well you're kinda caught in a catch-22. On the one hand you didn't do anything wrong on purpose, but you did unintentionally do something wrong which warrants an apology. On the other hand being super apologetic makes your relationship awkward and completely shifted the dynamic, basically she has you by the balls and she knows it.

It probably wasn't that big of a deal to begin with. But when you started apologizing she saw her opportunity to blow it out of proportion and purposely made you feel like a bitch. Women instinctively test how strong men are and how they will react under pressure. If they sense weakness they exaggerate your misjudgments to see how you will react.

I've done the same thing before. We're both nice guys. We both felt bad for doing something unintentional to a woman that was negative. It's natural to become overly apologetic. But it also happens to be the wrong answer to the problem.

Think about how a hb would react in our situation. She wouldn't become overly apologetic. She would get mad at you, for getting mad at her. She would stand her ground and be mad at you for being so sensitive.

Now this isn't what you should have done, but it isn't far off. What you should have done is stated you side calmly and rationally, without being overly emotional and without becoming submissive to her emotionally attacks. You still apologize, but don't over do it. If you exaggerate the apology, she will exaggerate the transgression.

But you've already laid you hand on the table. You've already shown you will break under attack. I'm not sure what advice I can give you now. You're really going to have to play it by ear. I highly suggest however that you do not act awkward around her from now on. Simply act like it never happened. Act like you did before. Be just as friendly and open. Act like nothing has changed. If you do this, you have a chance of actually moving past this.

Sounds good just play everything by the ear, but I'm leaning more on just freezing her out and ignoring her, cause I feel really dumb now after realizing my mistake.

I'm leaning more on just freezing her out and ignoring her, cause I feel really dumb now after realizing my mistake.

Go with that, and try to stay away from 'chatting'. If you must chat, text, tweet or whatever, keep it short. Nothing good comes out of long conversations via text, for the guy anyway.

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Keep people off-balance and in the dark by never revealing the purpose behind your actions. - Robert Greene

Thanks for the tip, I didn't know that about texting. But yeah I was thinking since she has the higher ground on me now, I'll have to act as if she's a nobody and take that power away from her.