My all-time favorite study in this area is called “Behavioral Assessment of Social Competence in Males,” in other words, “What helps a guy score with women?”

The researchers chose two groups of men to participate in their study: guys who scored and guys who didn’t The guys who scored were designated “winners.” These guys were invited to many parties, were popular with women, and were well liked by all. These fellows dated a lot and were able to make it with women.

Men in the second group were flops with women. They tried, but they never got to first base. The researchers ruthlessly an candidly dubbed these guys “losers.” These fellows wanted desperately to date, but they were either hesitant to ask a women out or were continually getting turned down.

Since the two groups of men were equally good-looking, researchers set about isolating what made women go for the winner and avoid the losers. They put men through a series of tests.

The venue for the first test was at a dance. All the men were told was to ask a woman to dance. The women (who were in on the study) were directed to respond by saying, “I’m not really much of a dancer.”

Upon hearing this, invariably, the winner, the cool guys, simply laughed, and responded with variations of “I’m not either. Shall we sit this one out?” and began talking with her. (Italics: ) The winners did not take her answer as a rejection of them but simply as a statement of fact.

The losers responded with a variety of “Oh,” “Er,” “Um, well,” and the like and then they gave up. In short, they interpreted the female’s answer as a rebuff.

In the second test, researchers tapes conversations between the girls and the winner and between the same girls and the losers. This time, the women did not know it was a study. The guys were told to chat with a woman for a while and eventually ask her for a date.

The big difference between the losers, who almost always got turned down for the date, and the winners, who received a lot of “yes” answers, was a simple matter of keeping the rhythm of the conversation going

The cool guys chatted, asking questions, and as soon as the woman answered those questions, they’d pick up the slump by offering their own views or experiences. They asked the women more questions to keep the conversation going. The bottom line? They permitted very few pauses in the conversation. They kept the rhythm and the electricity going.

The poor losers weren’t any less interesting in what they had to say. They just had no sensitivity as to the timing. There were more awkward gaps in the conversation. They paused for too long, or hemmed and hawed before answering. The “musicality” of the exchange was off, which made the women uncomfortable.

Researchers also clocked the men’s answers to questions the women asked. The winners gave much longer answers. The losers often muttered just a “yes” or a “no.” After a couple of those, the conversation had nowhere to go. But the girls did. The losers heard a lot of remakes like, “Well, nice talking to you. (Sure!) See ya around.” The winners heard a lot of remarks like, “I’m really looking forward to seeing you again.”