You know how everyone hates rejection right? I think it's the worst for me because I find myself to be attractive (so does women. I'm pretty sure that's how I got laid in the past.. not because I had game) so I really have this huge ego. I won't approach a girl because if she rejects me, that'd destroy my ego. I think my shit don't stink and sometimes I even act like I'm snobby (chin up, eyes downcast staring at the girl as I walk past her with not even a smile. Just staring her down thinking that I'm the shit.) It sucks.. I don't mean to do it but I think it's a defensive system that I can't break out of. I want to be more sociable and friendly, not arrogant. The only "game" I got is when the girl approaches ME (either straight out because I'm attractive or just hint that she wants me) and do most of the work. That's the only time that I'd have the courage to flirt and ask for her number.. when I know that I'll be successful.

So my question is: How can I change this mindset? Even better, how can I harness this "ego" to do better good (lol)? Maybe turn ego into confidence. I dunno. I'm lost and I really need all of your advice! Thanks in advance.

Why not get them to approach you?

I used to do eye contact, wave, then call her over (don't do the one finger thing)... worked well in the past... its so much more laid back that way.

Because it might not work out and I'll end up looking like a retard.. and that'd greatly damage my egotistical reality/persona. Like I said, it sucks.. I wish I didn't care.. but I dont know how. Especially if it's around work or the place I live.. I always think.. if I get blown off, I might see her again and she'll remember the time she blew me off. I'll end up looking like an AFC infront of her all the time everytime that we would meet. Please guys! I need all the advice!

Hey bro, stop worrying about your looks for a second. What if you were a fat, butt-ugly dude with doughnut icing stuck to your face. Would you feel a loss of self-esteem if they rejected you then? - Yes,..unless you put a positive spin on being rejected. Pick out the things you did well in the set, and use it for the next.

If you're thinking of testing your skills on a pretty girl you've been eyeing for a while & find yourself getting nervous, open some other sets and take her off your mind. You've already given her a lot of value that she doesn't deserve if you think she's gonna hurt your ego.

Summarizing the same advice told over and over by others, it's this exact "trying to protect what's left of our image" that separates the wall flowers from those that (are perhaps born with risk-taking genes..or) got bored realizing they can't get anywhere when they're stuck to a wall holding hands with other sweaty men eyeing the women on the dancefloor.

If you want to get good, maybe try testing your skills on that girl, but don't take anything too seriously. You're not a needy man..that's a pretty sexy quality.

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Wow, this is what I was looking for. I guess just some motivation. Love the wallflower example. Haha. Thanks alot bro!

You can't turn an ego into anything else. An ego is and always will be a part of you. You must simply learn to understand it and control it. Find a place for your ego in your life... a very small place. I never really understood the ego until a few months ago. I saw a movie called "Revolver" with Jason Stathom. I suggest you watch it, the whole movie is about the ego. Get the Director's Cut and watch all the extras. They have psychologists that explain the ego very succinctly.

the issue with you, as you quite rightly point out, is your Ego, or more to the point, your self image. Your mind has created an image for you that you are completely identified with, and the fear of having that self image shattered is what is holding you back. Your mind, your ego, your self image, call it what you will, would see any rejection as a threat to that self image, which threatens your entire identity.

As is the case with most people, we are completely identified with our minds, to the extent that instead of us using our minds, our minds actually use us. You can see this in the way it is near impossible to stop your mind from thinking, and the amount of useless, aimless thinking that we do. Take a moment to listen to your mind and you will see the kind of useless thoughts that go through your mind.

What this does is stop us from living in the present moment. If we can operate in the present moment, then there will be no fear of rejection, bcos we won't be identified with our mind-created, self image. This is hard to do, but once we realise the extent to which we are identified with our minds, it immediately loses some of its grip on us.

There is a book called "the Power of Now" by Eckhart Tolle that is a brilliant read, and deals with all this. Its a book about spiritual enlightenment but is is very practical in terms of explaining the issue and giving techniques. It could also be very useful material when trying to pick up girls, if used properly i'm sure.

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