Hi guys,
Yesterday I was going on the tram to the train station. It was a nice sunny evening. I was thinking about abstract things. As the train approached my destination, I prepared to leave. On my way to the door, I saw an attractive looking girl sitting. She was txting something on her phone, when I looked at her. She looked up back. Now, this was not a normal look she gave me. It was the sweep-the-floor-with-her-eyes type of look that left be stunned. The problem occurred when she didn't take her eyes off of me after a second. Which meant it was not just a casual, dismissive glance. Which meant I had to act, because I kept staring at her. (I know about the 3-second rule)

Now, in a nice hollywood-style movie, the character played by me would probably have acted, beyond any nervousness. What I did, even I can't justify. My eyes swayed towards the exit button on the tram, my hands darted towards it even before I had any chance to give conscious thought. I realised at that time that it would take at least another 7-10 seconds for the button to light, so I can press it and open the doors. I was trying to get off it too soon. So I was standing there for that time, looking like an idiot who was trying to run away from an attractive girl looking at me. In a Fight or Flight style of thinking, I was a caged bird, fervent for a chance to fly off as far away as possible.

The sad part is that I was feeling it physically, not just emotionally. I felt warm, tense and jittery. After I got on to the commuter train, my muscles felt like I did an exercise set.


After thinking about it, there are several things which prevented me from acting and caused such an anxiety attack. My belief system said I HAD to act, but my subconsciousness was saying that I couldn't act. I couldn't because I was already leaving the train and if I stayed I would miss the train station.

I wouldn't mind this so much, but I've been having quite a lot of opportunities to engage in conversation with girls I liked, usually on some transport system or in the library. I don't like missing those opportunities.

Another point I have noticed is that I am really confident in some areas of social interaction and don't care what people think of me. In other areas, I feel anxiety because I don't know how I should, or shouldn't act, i.e. where i don't know what is socially acceptable. I guess I'm afraid of being thought as inexperienced in things that are important to me, such as being ABLE to talk to the opposite sex.

That's why I'm writing here. I hope to learn from people who are more experienced in these social situations so I can act if I want to, and not be held back by my inability to act even when the desire is to act.

hey!!

that happens to me, you and everybody so dont have to feel on your own.
and i dont expect it to go away. but time in the field is showing me that getting out of your comfort zone is the way to progress.

so, on saturday, i see this group of blondes, they are like dancing and doing shit and what have you. sometime ago, i would have not even considered going over. i considered it and went over. i was shitting myself. i got blown off. i limply ejected after getting blown off. i didn't reach social hook. i felt humiliated and low but fuck, i did it!!! my fear didnt stop me!! i won really. maybe i didnt walk out of the nightclub with a blond on each arm but fuck, i acted on my desires instead of hiding in the shadows.

so mate, take small steps. push yourself and i am sure that you will be glad you did. unfortunately until you are willing to do the stuff you feel awkward and risk failure, you wont get anywhere.

read somewhere and it is true, "if you dont throw a dice, you never gonna throw a six"

best of luck.

you place to much pressure on the outcome, instead of the situation itself.

if you worry about the future(outcome) you can never enjoy the moment(situation) and the moment is the only thing you can control.

9 times out of 10 the people you meet in life, you will never see again. So with those odds, why lose sleep over someone in life that you dont know, that you will most likely never meet again if the interaction is not the best if could be, learn from it and do better next time.

if you believe your self worth is a measure on how others think of you, then your living life not for yourself but others. Instead your self worth should be at a level that you create. Its your reality, not anyone elses...so create it the way YOU want, believe nothing from others, unless you want to believe it for yourself.

_________________
"The greatest mistake you can make in life is to be continually fearing you will make one."