The topic seems to have been covered pretty extensiely, but I'm going to chuck in an old scottish saying which may help your worry.

"What's for ye, won't go by ye"

Hope you understand it.

I think Bonita has a real valid point. I think we have AT LEAST 70% compatability and she knows it too. That's why we are as close as we are, but merely overlooks me as a bf because she just sees me as "Dave" her x's friend and now her friend.
As far as being mean Madals? No, not at all. I would consider it constructive criticism, there is a difference. One sees both on here but I can tell the difference between someone trying to help and someone just being an asshole. I don't really see her as perfect (maybe physcially ) She has flaws and she can be snobby. I often wonder if she'd be overlooking me if I hadn't become disabled. I mean, I'm not Brad Pitt but I can hold my own and have rejected more women than have rejected me. I guess that is where the feeling of not being good enough comes in; being disabled. It makes PU more difficult (not impossible) and it makes life more difficult and it would also make HER life more difficult to be with me. I'm sure the sexual aspect has driven some girls away. Like "Excuse me while I stick a tube in my dick so I don't piss in your mouth while you're blowing me" ya know? These are issues that I haven't figured out yet...but your advice is sound. Otherwise I realized I do need to have more sexually based conversations with her. Oh, and na, I don't think I'll jump off a cliff if I don't get her but it's very rare to find a woman that you're this compatable with on so many levels...

_________________
"Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail"-Emerson

I like how the OP was all like
"I do NOT have oneitis!"
and then he was like
"I have oneitis"
in the same post

GFTOW

I still maintain if you want this, you have to go for it. You will have to risk the friendship.
The key things you need to do is add sexual charge to your interaction. Stop thinking of What if's. It will fuck you up. You cannot change what happened, you can only change how you deal with it.
you have to start believing you are. Write a list of all the reason you are amazing and why she would be lucky to have you. Ever time you feel your not good enough, look at that list and think "dude, I wish I could date myself I am so awesome".
So does being ugly, poor, dumb, fat etc etc. Nobody is perfect, there is always a way around.
This the big thing to work around. You dont want her to look at you and think "i need to help him" or "he needs my help". Appearing dependant is something you really really don't want, be that emotionally or physically. Unfortunately people WILL assume things about you being in a wheelchair, their assumptions can be easily changed at first but if you let them reinforce them then they will be stuck in that thought process. Do you play any sports or do active things etc etc?
Again, stop thinking it would drive them away. Your convincing yourself it wont work before it has started! I honestly cannot tell you how to work this round since I haven't been in this situation. Ideally, you should consider looking for a forum for people who are in a similar position (i am guessing paralysis from what you have described) and ask what they do in these specific situations.
It might be very rare, but unfortunately the only way you will get a LTR here is to get out of the friends category and start over. Its a risk.

Madals

yeah, I was paralyzed in a car accident at about my waist a couple yrs agobut enough so that though I can stand for a while I can't walk without braces and I have no bladder or bowel control which really sucks bad esp. for sex! I don't know how much talking to other paralyzed guys would help because compared to everyone else I've ever met with a spinal cord injury I have more feeling/function than they do.. I still feel pain, heat, cold, my dick, when I have to piss;I haven't talked to anyone else who retained these things. Another thing I realized I haven't mentioned since early in this post is herxbf who is my boy. He is in jail but they still write each other, talk on the phone and she still visits him. Another barrier is her love for him. Unless/until she realizes(part of her does) that she needs to put him behind her, not me or any other guy on earth is gonna be able to have any kind of romantic relationship with her.

_________________
"Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail"-Emerson