| - Disclaimer-
I understand there is more than one 'right' way of doing things. My game is different from most of you, hence these tips may not work for you as well as they do for me. The only reason for posting the following is that the principles outlined here are universal - if I get you thinking about them, understanding them and finding other ways of applying them, my purpose will be served.
-----------------
What I'm about to tell you isn't rocket science. What it is, however, is counter-intuitive. It's not exactly difficult, and by the time you finish reading, you will think 'I dont see what all the fuss was about in the first place', but trust me – it will hit you. Slowly, over time. You'll do a couple low-risk experiments and see questionable results, but this information will always be there in the back of your head and eventually, you'll start utilizing its full potential. But only use it when the time is right.
In our line of business, the ability to make people like you is crucial. How do most people go about it? If you've taken an 'pickup for dummies' course, you'll be right in saying: kissing ass, right off the bat. The cliche of starting a relationship of any kind by buying someone a drink instantly springs to mind. Not that this is always a bad idea; of course, unless you are a social retard, being nice will work more often than not. But there are two basic fallacies people fall for here. First, you all know that unless you've had to work for something, you will never, ever value it. Attachment comes from investment – the more you invest of something, be it time, money or effort, the more attached you become to the outcome. If your respect and admiration comes to people without effort, its value to them will be close to zero. Which brings us to the secnod point – if a little niceness is good, more must be better, right? I'm sure you've noticed this before – the more someone kisses up to you without a good reason, the less you value it. If some critical point is reached, you may even start to despise the person.
My recent dabbling in douchebaggery led me to a curious conclusion. Sure, I insult people a lot and most of them don't appreciate it. The twist comes when as soon as someone stands up to me, or even makes an astute point in an interaction, I immediately have an opportunity to turn it around.
'You know what... you're alright, kid.'
I flaunt the fact that I'm a misanthrope. I'll always, always throw in a line about how most of the people you meet on an average day are completely fucking retarded. Again, this is a truism – unless you're SPAM Gandhi, you don't get along with everybody. When you think about it, most people really have nothing to show for themselves, and paradoxically, this is a point everyone can relate to. Genetically and to an extent socially, we are programmed to like people who are similar to us. In a culture where individuality is emphasized, there are bound to be differences – hence:
'Most people are fucking stupid. So, in the interest of saving time, I assume I'm talking to an idiot until I'm proven wrong. I call this the Guantanamo Bay approach to human relationships.'
Straight off the bat, you're making your approval scarce. Withdrawing supply intuitively raises the price – or in this case, the value – of your approval. You need to establish that you don't just give out approval for free before you give any of it away. Like I said before, being nice or giving compliments straightaway can come off as kiss-ass – and the better someone's social calibration, the better they are at spotting a kiss-ass.
So when it is crucial to get someone on your side – the girl's brother, her boyfriend, even the girl, coming to think of it – my basic model is establishing that I'm hard to please, busting on them a little (creating some negative tension) before flipping the switch and finally being friendly. If I could be asked to dabble in MS Paint, I'd draw you a graph plotting tension (positive and negative) on the vertical axis and time on the horizontal. It doesn't take a genius to imagine that if you go from zero to some level of positive, you've travelled a shorter way than if you started somewhere below zero and arrived at the same level of positive – draw a picture if it helps you. If you've ever had the displeasure of taking a Social Psychology course, that's probably the only interesting result you've come across.
The final piece of the puzzle? Some of us apply this exact dynamic to girls – negging, qualifying etc. Here's the kicker: it works like a charm on guys as well. It is hands down the most powerful tool for disarming male obstacles in a set I've come across to this day. I never knew you could get guys to buy you drinks without having a vagina, but life and the stupidity of our wiring never cease to amaze me.
In the interest of saving the haters' time, I'll clear up one thing before I wrap up: I make a distinction between 'polite' and 'nice'. I'm not flat-out rude, disrespectful, and insulting for no reason. But if I get a reason to call someone out on something stupid they said (and usually I don't have to wait long) or even play the Devil's advocate in the rare case I agree with them, I instantly go for it. I create the illusion that there's a reason for everything I do other than to follow a specific model, just to be able to flip the switch at some point and play my 'you're alright, kid' card.
|
CHAT
