I think the fundamental error of an AFC is that he preoccupies himself with the girl he likes when she's not around. He naturally wants to get to know her, but he can't see her very much, so he engages in these dreams about her. But he can't learn anything about her by dreaming. What he's really doing is getting further away from her, covering up his real knowledge of her with dream stuff, which reduces his ability to respond appropriately to her. She can sense this subconsciously and it turns her off.

Just a theory.

i agree with this to a point. I'm not sure she subconsiously senses it or if she just notices because of the way you act. If you spend all your time day dreaming about her and putting her on a pedestal in your head then you've already given yourself less value than her and you tend to act that out and thats when she notices and starts to get turned off. pretty solid theory though

That is a very valid point.

A lot of guys do this, and it is actually deceitful and detrimental for Both people when the guy acts this way. For example, if you are thinking about a girl all the time and "Dreaming her up" when you can't see her you are attributing certain assumed qualities to her. Thus you form this assumed stereotype of the woman without having sufficient evidence/knowledge to back it up. This clouds your judgment and interactions with her. It makes you nervous around her and you "lie" to her by not showing your true self.

Example - You fabricate this fantastical image of her in your mind be dreaming her up every waking hour. You are putting her on a huge pedestal when you barely know her. When you hang out with her again, you subconsciously display that you are trying to "prove" yourself worthy to her, and I bet she can tell. You are effectively not showing your true self to her, which is deceitful in itself. You are not going to show any congruence between your actions now and your actions later, when your true self eventually shows. You still have to figure out if you are compatible with her, just as she still has to prove that she is compatible with you.

Thus, the best way to attract a girl is to "Be Yourself". Just be your confident self.

Yeah, that's what I meant. Your thoughts determine your actions, and conversely, your actions make your thoughts apparent. She subconsciously picks up on certain aspects of your mental state by observing your actions. I think women have evolved to do this.

I have to say, that actually made so much sense to me. I got this one-itis i've been dreaming about, and it just occured to me, that dreaming is constantly reducing my ability to respond to her, game her and such.
Great theory man

Yeah, this is my own biggest problem, because I love fantasizing about women that I know. I gotta stop, though, it's always driven me insane in one way or another.

Yeah, exactly. You don't want to give up your pride for the sake of some comfort. That's just embarrassing.

I agree completely. It's not just AFCs either. A lot of girls I know do the same thing with guys who don't speak English well.

one word Investment
we put value on things that we spend time working on or thinking about. The more time you spend worrying about a girl the more shell mean to you.

This was a HUGE eye opener for me. I JUST went through this with my one-ittis of 2 months and am now stuck in the friendzone. We live long distance and went on a date Friday and I think I blew it just because I put her on such a pedestal. This is great feedback and I will definately keep this in mind in the future.

~Ace

Another thing I just thought of:
If you don't know the girl very well to begin with and you spend all you time day dreaming about her and putting her on a pedestal like we've discussed then you start to close your eyes to her faults and then that can come back to bite you in the ass (it happened to me over the summer). And if you close your eyes to her faults its easy for her to slip you into the LJBF zone because you become boring and always point out her good qualities like everyone else, and it's easy to become attached to her because it's usually not long before you play her up to be your dream girl in your mind and then when you start to open your eyes and see her faults you're not going to want to acknowlegde that this might not be a good girl for you.

Don't just be yourself, be your best self.

Actually I has some experience myself just about this.
The more I obsess with some girl, the less interested she is.
But when I do the opposite when I don't think about her and just push her away, she will be like obsessed with me.
Like Style said, "The more you push them away, the more they run toward you."

This is true....but when I truley like a girl, and it's love/lust at first sight, it's like i'm blinded by it, and cant help but think of her, analyze the situation, and constantly get feedback from others to get their thoughts on the situation.

Understanding what I do about the game.....and being so young in the game...will this go away with time & practice of the game? Or is this something i'm cursed with forever?

If it's an ordinary girl that i'm attracted to but dont develop an emotional connection with right away, I can push away. But if the girl touches my heart in any way, I find it hard not to drool and be stupid about it.

yeah ive noticed its better to whack it to a girl u no.

but a good rule is to not do anything a girl would be like "what the fuck!?" to u about. like whacking off to her. (except for pickup)

i think alot of us have noticed this to an extent, but never brought it intto full light like you have.

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