Hey there all, sorry in advance for posting a topic that will most likely be extremely similar to countless other topics that get posted. However, I feel that there is enough uniqueness to my situation that it warrants yet another thread on the subject.

I've got a horrible case of one-itis for an ex-girlie, help me get her back.

About me - 22yr old, good looking male. I have little knowledge of PUA strategy as I've never really felt the need to research it. Generally, I have few issues picking up girls that I find attractive, but in this case I've lost a girl and would love to have her back. Found out about this whole community awhile back after reading the game, but didn't feel the need to work on my form as I was happy w/ my current abilities.

About her - 19yrs old bi girl, extremely attractive, but most likely has some self esteem issues due to her small breast size. If she had breasts I would label her as a 10. She's an extremely abstract-thinking, artistic, care-free girl and happens to be the single most positive person I've ever met. I don't think it's possible to upset her.

Situation - I worked with this girl for a year and a half before we hooked up. I'd always found her attractive and loved working with her, but she had told the staff there she was a lesbian to make sure nobody was hitting on her. This may seem a little on the crazy side, but if you've ever worked in the back of a fine-dining restaurant you know how hard it would be to be a beautiful, young girl in that situation. Her "wifey" also frequented the restaurant and would hang out in the back w/ her, so it was extremely believable. We always got along really well on the job, and I often got indications that she was interested, but brushed them off assuming it was just her being really nice/positive. We hung out a good amount outside of work, where I established myself as being the life of the party and, generally, an all-around great guy to hang out with. Seeing as her friends were all young, it was simple to establish myself as the alpha of the group. I didn't really do this intentionally to pick her up, it's more just my style to take charge of situations and make change.

I decided it was time for a change of pace, so I gave my two weeks notice and let everyone know I was moving across the country. The next day, I was hanging out w/ her getting drunk at her house, and ended up staying until everyone else had left. She asked if I wanted to watch a movie, and I decided it sounded relaxing. I figured she meant we'd head upstairs and sit on the couch, but instead she popped the movie into the dvd player at the foot of her bed. At this point I started to piece things together, but decided I'd play it safe and not make the first move since I really was convinced this girl was a lesbian. It didn't take long before she'd leaned over and kissed me, which lead to the greatest night in bed I've ever had. For the next two weeks we had amazing sex almost non-stop - probably averaging upwards of 6hrs/day. She remarked many times that it was the best she'd had and I'd have to agree. Once it came time for me to leave, she begged that I stay in the state. I told her I really needed a change of scenery, and that she should move with me. She's couldn't immediately, but she said she'd consider it.

We kept in touch via texts for the next couple months on a pretty regular basis. Eventually I planned a trip back home to see everyone and let her know I was coming in. She informed me that she would love to hang out, but we couldn't be physical b/c she had a boy now. This was one of her friends that I spent quite a bit of time w/, and I really liked the guy. I let her know that I was happy for her and how much I respected him, but that I was sad we couldn't be together anymore. I think she was surprised by this, as her image of me was that I didn't do commited relationships and don't get attached to girls. Apparently she used to date this guy back in the day, and since then they've been in an extremely lax relationship. They hadn't been physical together for 2yrs prior, and I had been the one to break her streak of being w/ women exclusively. They've been friends forever, and have always talked of adopting kids together.

Now I'm back at home, and have found out that this dude was only w/ her for a couple weeks before he left for boot camp, where he'll be for quite some time. However, they decided they were going to stay committed to eachother. We hung out the night I got back, and then the next day she left to visit her grandpa who is in the hospital out of state. Basically, I have just under a week now to formulate a strategy for getting her back. After hanging out w/ her again, I can tell the attraction is still there. She even let me sleep in her bed the night I was back, as long as I promised I wouldn't lay a hand on her. Before she left, she begged me to move back home. I responded to this by telling her I was happy w/ where I was living now and that she should move there instead. This was a bit of a lie, as I've been considering moving back home (not for her, although it could be the straw that breaks the camel's back).

So how do I handle this situation? Is there a way to get homebay back in the "we're just friends" zone, while simultaneously placing me back in her sexual crosshairs? I know you guys will probably just say "get over it, you have one-itis just like every other guy has had", but this is literally the only girl I've ever met in my entire life who I could imagine marrying. She's just too perfect of a fit for me to be able to pick up another girl and forget about her. I've slept w/ 3 other girls since her, two of which I ended up having extended relations w/, but none of them could take my mind off of this one. I really don't think I'm being irrational here, this girl is an absolutely perfect fit for me.

Sorry for the rather lengthy post, I hope you casanovas can take the time to read it (if you've gotten this far, you probably did haha) and help me out w/ any tips/ideas.

*sigh*

before I load up the barrels and start shooting from the Hip... Ill ask you three questions....

1) you fucked for 2 weeks and left.... How do you know this statement to be true?

2) Yeah???? thats why your trying to break them up huh? you can tell her that all you want... but at least be honest to us. Would you be willing to break the two of them up to get with this chick?

3) All right... last and definatly not least... this chick is trying really hard to stay with her current BF and be faithful... I respect the fuck out of her for that... and so should you, If you were that guy, woulnt you want her to act EXACTLY the same way?

If your serious about wanting to start a perminant LTR/Marriage with this chick dont fuck it up by screwing the relationship at the start... you will NEVER trust her. If she did it to that guy she can do it to you....

my advice...
sit her down and be fucking honest, dont dance around the subject and bounce along the fence... cut the shit and just be real with her. Tell her how you feel, and be ready for the consequeses.... she may not go for it... or maybe she will... you will still have kinda broken up the relationship with your buddy and probably not be albe to talk to him again. Are you ready for that? But if its worth it, and she is willing, and this chick is everything you would ever want. Then grab with both hands and fight like hell for it... or walk away, and let her be happy.


I know its a bit Harsh, but this isnt about Pickup at this point... its about the life of at least three people.. yours, your friends, and this girls.... and the decisions your preparing are LIFE ALTERING.

Choose well my friend,
Choose wisely.

JMT,
Lucky

_________________
150 people are killed every year by Falling Coconuts.... 10 by Shark Attack.

I couldn't find any stats on death from approaching a woman.

Thanks so much for the thoughtful response for a post that most guys on here are surely sick of seeing pop up every other day, really appreciate ya taking the time to read my essay haha. I realize this isn't really about pickup anymore, but I figure all you guys know how to handle a situation like this better than anyone else.

1.) I worked w/ this girl for a year and a half before we fucked, and considered her a best friend. I'd always thought she was cute, but just never even attempted anything since I was convinced she was fully lesbian.

2.) Basically, they had the same situation we did - knew eachother forever and considered the other to be a best friend, then fucked a couple weeks before the other left to go out of state. I like the guy as a friend, but I like this girl more. Also, he wasn't my friend first but rather hers. I had probably hung out w/ him 10-15 times in total before I left, so it's not like I'm trying to backstab a true homie or something. He was fine hanging out w/ us while we were fucking before, so hopefully that would be the same. One of us is going to have to suffer the fate of just being friends with this girl, and I'd rather make it myself. He was just smart enough to get her to commit to a long distance relationship before he left, while I decided I wasn't about to do that to the poor girl as I don't believe long distance ever works out. I also figured that she was just going to go back to hooking up w/ the wifey instead of finding another dude.

3.) I feel like she's doing it more b/c she feels bad for him off at boot camp, and not b/c she really loves him that much. This kid very quickly pulled himself out of the LJBF zone, and her wifey verified to me that prior to hooking up w/ me she had no intentions of getting together w/ guys again anytime soon and that I had sparked the fire underneath her.

Commitment isn't my number one priority at all. If she wants to continue hooking up w/ the dude when he gets back, I have no problem w/ that. I'm fine w/ open relationships, I just want to be able to be w/ this girl on more than a just friends level again. She knows this is how I think too, so it worries me that maybe she has completely fallen for this guy. I would actually almost prefer it go this way, so maybe my relationship w/ the guy can be salvadged.

So would you guys suggest getting right to the point the day she gets back, or might it be to my advantage to keep myself busy for a couple days when she gets back? I feel like it'd probably be better to just get to the point right away, especially since I'm not really trying to fuck w/ this girls head PUA style haha.

Also, any ideas on how I might be able to use the wifey to my advantage? She's currently at their house while girlie is out of town, so I'll be hanging out w/ her at some point in the next couple days. I'm not sure which of us guys wifey likes better, but I'm guessing she might be more inclined to pick the other dude since they've known eachother for much longer. Wifey more than approves of me though, so it wouldn't be by much.

Thanks again for the words of wisdom regarding my sticky situation. I've never felt like this about a girl before, it's like I'm stuck in some cheesy romance movie haha.

A couple more questions...

Should I tell her I'd be willing to move back if she wanted to be together again, or is that putting the ball in her court and making me seem like a weak bastard? Perhaps I should say I'm considering moving back, and if we could be together again that would seal the deal? Maybe I should just say I might be moving back, and if I do we should be together again? Or I could just flat out say I'm moving back here, and when I do we should be together again. I'm really up in the air regarding my current living situation (but leaning towards moving back home) and it has nothing to do w/ this girl, so none of these answers would be a lie. In my mind the last option seems like the most effective, but I'd love to know all of your opinions.

Anyone have any ideas on how I could use her wifey to my advantage here?

Would letting her know this w/ a letter once I left the state in a couple days here possibly be a better idea, or would giving her the chance to think this over be a bad idea? I don't think she would consider not discussing this in person a cop-out, she'd probably think it was somewhat romantic that I hand wrote her a letter (and no I'm not just saying that b/c people do it in movies, I've seen her get excited over letters before)

lol yeah... quit calling her the wifey... haha just jokeing the term just grates on me lol

trying to give this mostly serious thread a bit of comedy =)

on to the comments...
I dont have a migrain today so the shotgun has been put away... besides I think you got my point. moving on...
k, first off
your last comments have pretty much said you only want to be friends with sex on the side with this chick... but you have previously stated you would marry this girl... so id figure that out first..
once you have come to terms with that idea.. cus you really cant have both... one or the other my friend. Rarely will you turn an FB into an LTR sometimes the reverse is true, but thats really only because of the comfort of the LTR.

I would not make her the deciding factor of moving back... even if its not true, the way you worded it comes off as super needy... and your not interested in starting a relationship with this girl... not to mention you passed on that opportuinity the first time.

if your going to move back... then do it for your own reasons, when you pose it to her.. you can imply the added benefit of you moving back for her... but its not "because" of her.
Chicks LOVE letters... but I sense some fear of rejection in this instance... This discussion is not just "oh your so great, romance romance romance" its a serious discussion about where the relationship stands, the potential for rejection, hurt fealings. The stuff your about to discuss with this girl could be fairly emotional and a important conversation...
the best way to handle this is in person... man up, she will respect you for it.

Now that being said... if you really want to write her a letter... sit down and write it all out... then put it in a cute envelope and tell her you want to hang out... give her the letter, and let her read it... if its long.. maybe find something to do while she reads it...
then have dinner plans so you can both go and talk it out.
maybe she wont want to have dinner after the letter... but better to know right?

I woulnt take this route personally, as its still a little passive and non-confrentational.. but to each his own.

JMT,
Lucky

_________________
150 people are killed every year by Falling Coconuts.... 10 by Shark Attack.

I couldn't find any stats on death from approaching a woman.

I'm not looking for marriage right now, but this is the only girl I've ever met who I could even fathom spending the rest of my life w/. The relationship was never discussed as originally being a FWB situation, and the way we were spending time together for the last couple weeks there's no way she perceived it as such.
Does nobody in the PUA community believe in holding multiple LTRs? All I'm saying is that if she didn't want to cease being with her current dude that I'd be ok w/ that. I'm not the jealous type, and have held relationships like this before that worked out just fine. I don't think he'd be too fine w/ it, but that's up to him to work out in his head if she decides to get back w/ me.
I am interested in starting a relationship w/ this girl, and only didn't before b/c I was moving away and not planning on coming back. The way this girl was falling for me, I figured that if I just let her figure her shit out and didn't seem to needy she'd decide to move out to me, and if not I wasn't about to try and hold a multi-year long distance relationship that probably would've just ended in more pain for the both of us. I don't believe in long distance relationships, and don't think anyone should ever be in one unless it's only going to be for a short period of time. Apparently she was much more attached to her hometown than I thought, b/c she decided that I wasn't going to be moving home and got back w/ her best friend/previous boy. Then he ran off to boot camp haha.

Thanks again for all the helpful responses lucky, I'll probably be putting all of this info to use tomorrow night so I'll let yall know how it goes. Would love to get some more opinions from the community, anyone?

After browsing the forums a bit more, I've realized that this topic might be a better fit inside of the Relationships section. If a mod could hookz it up and move this topic I'd greatly appreciate it.

If you break the two up while the dude is in bootcamp, be prepared for one pissed off brainwashed guy that will be looking to snap your neck when he gets back. I was in the military for five years, and I have seen guys go beserk when they find out about their girl is cheating on them, and they always find out! just a warning

Good looks, but I'm not too worried about this guy. He's a scrawny little bastard, even though I'm sure that he'll come back from boot super fit. He's also an extremely nonviolent person, I have no idea what the fuck he's doing in the army. He'd much rather be sitting around listening to psytrance and eatting 10strips of LSD than shooting people w/ M16s. Plus, I wouldn't let this be a secretive relationship. If we were gonna get back together I'd require that she tell him, and I'll be giving him a call to talk things over and make sure he's not gonna shank me during the week he'll be back.