Real questions.
Real answers.
Members of the UCP get coaching from me (ME, not some minions in silly hats) 24/7 with all their questions, and rather than keep it all hidden forever, it's time to share all my wisdom with you so I don't have to wait till I die to be recognized for my genius.
So blah blah blah, sales pitch, UCP awesome best deal ever 40+ hours of CDs and DVDs and monthly bootcamps and new videos and free offer ends friday blah blah blah... let's get to the real stuff!
(be prepared. this isn't some quick little "ok, your problem is escalation-specification-kobayashi-scenario-7. buy my 11-DVD set 'Applied Engineering of Seduction Subterfuge and refer to DVD 7, Chapter 2 for the 9-step process to pry open the vagina with hypnotic suggestion" kinda shit. these are real questions and real answers, and they go DEEP)
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AFTER THE FIRST DATE
Hey guys
I've ask her to go out to study with me yesterday and we did, we had so much fun and we end up having a lovely dinner as well. We actually talk more than studying. We both shared our own stories, our passion, and other interesting things. Time fly by so fast.
When we were studying, I saw her using her lip palm so I just look at her and smile and she said - what?
Then I just said - I was just wondering
then whisper beside her ear ' what it is like to kiss you.
She just light up with joy after I said then and ask me why I say that.
I just smile and ignore her and put my earphones back on (I'm was studying some music track, so yeah) it was the fire cracker, but I don't know, I kind of felt maybe I shouldn't ignore her like that.
But later on we were talking about relationship and stuff
I just told her
'I'm going to be honest with you, you are very attractive, and I'm totally in to you. I like you, I feel good when I'm spending time with you.'
She just smile and look down to her studying stuff and didn't reply. I wasn't expect one. We end up talking a lot again.
Then she open up and share her story on last relationship. It was a long distance relationship. And it didn't end well.
I told her that I have the same experience with long distance relationship, and the girl cheated on me. During that time she was drawing on my note book, but right after I said ' 'that I understand why she cheated on me, it is because I didn't like her enough and that's why she left.' I can feel she changed a little bit then she erase all her drawings on my book. But I just want to be honest with her.
But anyways it the end it was still okay, I feel that she likes me too.
I wanted to kiss her, but there weren't any opportunities that I felt it would be comfortable for both of us, and her friends kept on calling her. (I guess her friends are trying to protect her) but now I think I was focusing on kissing and forgot I can just hold her hands i wasn't fully in the moment with her a little bit.
After she got picked up by her friend and I went home.
She sent me a sms msg saying that ' 'Hey, thanks for today'
I flirt with her a little bit and ask her to do something again, she said yes, so I took a bold move and ask her to come to my house and have some fun in the kitchen.
Then she replies that
'Sorry I barely know you; I'm not ready for a relationship right now. Let's just be friends first.
I told her that
'I understand J I'm going be honest with you, after spending time with you today, I really like you, but I would be lying to you and accept you as a friend.
She replies 'as long as you understand, ermm I having a headache'
I was being pushy and repeat the same thing and ask her so lets have dinner at my place at weds night 6 I'll be nice J
And she replies that 'we are not at that stage yet, I really just want to be friends first'
After that I ended the conversation and my friends came over and we talk for a bit, then I went on MSN and she msg me. We chat a little bit, I told her I can't sleep and I just told her 'oh is just that i really like you and i feel that you do too, unless my feeling is wrong. i'm just curious, it is because you don't trust me?'
And she told me she just want to take some time to make a decision. And ask me how can I like her so fast. I told her the truth, basically I can feel that maybe I'm moving too fast, and she seems tradition with relationship and even told me relying on a moment of feeling is not reliable.
we end up talking over 4 hours again on msn but yeah, I understand why shes holding back. I'm so glad that I ask her why. And I told her that I will let it happen naturally.
Anyways we will meet up again on weds but we will do something else instead.
But yeah I just want to share my story and thanks everyone that contribute in here and thank you Sean, this is my first time I was able to open my heart to just to have fun with a girl I really like.
then I went on MSN and she msg me. We chat a little bit, I told her I can't sleep and I just told her 'oh is just that i really like you and i feel that you do too, unless my feeling is wrong. i'm just curious, it is because you don't trust me?'
And she told me she just want to take some time to make a decision. And ask me how can I like her so fast. I told her the truth, basically I can feel that maybe I'm moving too fast, and she seems tradition with relationship and even told me relying on a moment of feeling is not reliable.she was so honest and told me that it wasn't anything, but because she just insecure. oh man....then i just told her that
"thank you, it take a lot of courage to say that" i was so touch by that ...and i'm so happy that i get to meet such a great girl.
we end up talking over 4 hours again on msn but yeah, I understand why shes holding back. I'm so glad that I ask her why. And I told her that I will let it happen naturally.
Anyways we will meet up again on weds but we will do something else instead.
But yeah I just want to share my story and thanks everyone that contribute in here and thank you Sean, this is my first time I was able to open my heart to just to have fun with a girl I really like.
- K
that is wonderful, and the best part is you UNDERSTAND what she's telling you beyond her words.
she's not ready to sleep with you yet. she wants, needs, to get to know you.
it was bold to invite her right over, and you made it excellent by being bold and polite.
many men would have thought her not coming over meant she wasn't attracted, and would pushed or turned away.
but you got it. she does want to get to know you, and she knows when she's in your house it will likely lead to sex sooner when she feels comfortable and safe.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with taking it slow to get to sex. it does NOT mean you are instantly in an exclusive relationship. it means you get to learn about each other...
so the sex is even better.
keep us posted!
- Sean
i've talk to her on MSN again, i think i was being too honest and weak this time.she send me some song, the hidden meaning is like love is patience, it takes time and effort to have a strong relationship.
but then i told her how i feel, i guess i was falling back into the trap of possession. and being a little bit needy but i still want to be honest with her and i told her
"you know i'll try my best =) is just that i'm a bit insecure in nature i feel unsafe devoting so much without any certainties"
she said "well i don't know what to do, if you feel insecure aout devoting so much why dont u just dont?"
"lol i'm just saying, i'm not telling you to do anything"
she :"hummm..."
me: " well i'm just telling you how i feel that's all, when i like someone i ususally go full power but sometimes i guess that's too scary and give ppl pressure so yeah...i'm just saying"
she :" ogg ahh..but then u were saying something about uncertainties.."
me: "oh lol hmm i don't know how to explain but thats okay as long i can feel it from you"
after that we talk a little bit and i send her Byran adams "when you really love a woman"
me: hehehehehehehehe " *blush* emotions in MSN "
afterwards i went offline.
and this morning im reading her offline msg,
she: "its not a bad song"
after 2 hours later she send me this offline msg
she: "heyy...are you free on wed after school or something ? i think i need to talk to you""
hmm great..i guess i was being too honest and i show her that i didn't get what she is trying to tell me. thus giving her so much pressure that she had to tell me in person.
i don't know what she going to say, Sean i remember when AMI talks about woman's hint. When a girl tells you she need to talk to you, it is because the guy just don't get it? well i think maybe it is true.
right now i don't know what to expect and i gotta calm myself down and get back to my core.
please give me some advice thanks!
well i ask her to have a chat at school today
i ask her if i made her uncomfortable and is that i gave her too much pressure.
she said is not that. "is okay"
"so i ask her what did she want to talk about? you seems concern"
she : "nothing much"
me : "there must be something"
she: "is just that those words you use"
me thinking maybe because i use like "love you <3 hearts" and stuff in text
we have a chat, about school and stuff. i was waiting for the bus and she want to stay until the bus is gone, but she had to goto book store and her mom is waiting outside for her. so i suggest to goto book store with her and then i told her to go
and i said "thank you, i'm still learning"
so that's all
right now, i just need to choose what i want to do.
i want a relationship, i want to meet more people. she wants to be friends, i don't think i can do that anymore, i've wait enough time for a girl before just to satisfy her insecurity. but i do like her though.
maybe i'm taking this too serious
my ego is telling me she just want to keep guys around to satisfy her, because i know there are a bunch of guys waiting for her.
but i think i will treat her like i used to, still fun and stuff.
i will choose to treat her with an open heart.
oh man it is so hard, but i will try my best.
can anyone give me some inspiration and support?
- K
Oh, knock it off.
You have one date, and she's supposed to know that she only wants to be with you, and is ready to risk having children with you?
Jesus. If the tables were turned and it was HER pressuring you to be with her and love her after one date, how would you feel?
Stop talking so much on MSN. Chat is ONLY for fun, not for emotional stuff. Stop talking about the "relationship" and get to know her.
I mean, really, who is she? Do you have any idea? Do you have anything other than your lying ego to tell you why she wants to take it slow?
There will ALWAYS be a bunch of guys competing for the attention of any worthwhile girl. The key is NOT to get there first. It's to be the best.
So do it. Be your best.
- Sean
I love you Sean thank you very muchI want to be the best!
okay~ i've ask her to go out with me on valentine's day
she had to go with her friends on that day, so i arrange to go next week.
but then she said i could tag along if i don't mind, so i said i would love to
i don't know any of her friends, i'm actually feeling a little bit uncomfortable because i'm not familar with her friends. i don't know what to expect, but i would love to see her again and meet her friends.
but yeah i just hope that i could be myself, be polite, honest and curious with her friends and have a great time.
- K
Nononononononono.
No.
No!
Bad dog. No cookie.
This is needy. Bad. Bad needy.
Never go out w a girl on Vday unless you are in a sexually mopnogamous relationship.
Never ever ever ever tag along with her and her girlfriends.
You do either of these things and she can never think of you as a sexual man.
Tell her you hope she has a great time, but you have something else to do that night. No need to explain. Let her wonder.
Yes its a little odd, but at the beginning you have to let her come to you a bit. Don't chase. Its gotta be a bit of a balance... And right now its out of wack, and she's gonna get bored.
Why are you in such a hurry?
- Sean
i really like her, and i just want to spend time with her i guess.
i guess my problem is when i really like a girl i go full power and i give the girl too
much pressure. but i really did enjoy spending time with her, and i just want to do it more. is very addictive!
i don't really know how to find my balance Sean.
i just want to express myself fully to her
is like if you like to eat pizza, and you enjoy it you go for another slice, and not wait like 20mins and get another one? i'm really confused. that's like playing mind games.
maybe it is because it v-day, and now i thin ki have to keep my talk ultra light
i felt that i can't say lame sweet talk stuff to her anymore after that.
and i have a feeling it will take a very long time for her to trust me.
sigh i'm just going to let it go.
- K
Its NOT mind games.
Think on this: if you eat pizza and just shove each mouthful in as fast as you can, can you truly enjoy it?
Can you savor it?
Can you even tell the difference then between an amazing pizza like Pepes in New Haven CT, and crap like Dominos?
Nope.
Same is true with relationships. Take your time. She's not running away anywhere. You like the feeling of being with her, but how much sweeter is that feeling when you let it build?
If she was leaving town, or you were shipping off to war, then yes. Seize the day.
But just this once, experiment with going slower rather than faster.
No one was a more all-in guy than me. It took a lot of heartbreak to trust that chemistry needs space and air to develop.
Why does it have to be now or never for you?
I mean, really dig. Why? She very honestly told you it will take her a little time to open up.
So what is the risk in that?
Life is not all or nothing. Its finding happiness in the little pieces in between.
I know I'm pushing like hell, but its only cos I've been there.
Hell, I might end up there again.
So before you decide on what to do, ask yourself this: what do you think would make her feel good, and you feel good, knowing what you know about you and her?
Take your desire for reality to be different out of it. What is possible?
And what could you do to make it easy for her to be with you?
- Sean
you're right, actually sometimes i tend to forgot how she feels and i just care about how i feel more than how she feels. is time for a change.
but now since i accept the offer what should i do?
should i just back out? and say i got something to do and not going?
that's like flaking though. or should i just go?
what will she feels if i just back out like this?
- K
Be polite, AND be bold.
There's nothing rude about it. Be honest.
"I'm not going to join you on vday. Thanks for the invite, but I have other plans I had forgotten and can't break."
No need to explain. Let her wonder. She wants to be curious about you (again, not mind games; just not full disclosure).
And then make those plans happen. Instead of sad puppydog tailing along with her and her friends and feeling like a pussy and wondering what you are doing wrong all night, just take a break from her mentally and do something purely for YOU that night.
Get the fuck out of the house. Go to the movies. Stay at the movies as long as you like. See what you want to see, no discussion, no argument. Sneak in your favorite movie food and let yourself get lost in another world for a night.
She will still be there in the morning.
Remember... You are pizza too. If she has it there every second of every day, she does not want it as much as when she can't have it all the time.
And never forget: be considerate of her, but ALWAYS take care of yourself first.
No one loves a martyr. Do things for YOU.
- Sean
what if she asks what did i do afterwards?i will go out with friend on that day if i'm not going out with her, so i'll just say i went out with friends then?
and one thing, she kept on telling me she goto dinner with a friend to some fine dinning, and stuff, i kinda know is one her date. i usually just talk about how she like it and stuff.
and sometimes she say she go out with a guy to study and have dinner and stuff.
i usually just play it cool, cus i think that's normal, what you do think sean?
- K
OK, here's the deal.
You are close to being a sucker. You are close to being pussified.
You are very, very, very close to... I hate to say it, the dreaded "one-itis."
Now, as much as I hate to resort to PUA terms to describe a phenomenon, sometimes these neologisms really get right to it.
It's wonderful to find a girl you think about all the time, one who makes you feel like a King and treats you like a gold-plated Toy Westie with all-Prada doggie outfits.
That's great.
BUT...
It's only great when you totally and unabashedly Love that girl because she DOES wonderful things for you. She has to treat you just as well as you treat yourself, and as well as you treat those you care for.
It's all balance, young grasshopper. That's Love. The more Love you make, the more you can take.
One-itis is something different. It's a disease, a disease of the mind. And it's easy for any ol' Doctor of Love (like me... PhD work specializing in hot monkey lovin') to diagnose, cos the symptoms present like this:
* Boy likes girl
* Girl kinda shows interest in boy
* Boy does nice things for girl
* Boy wishes he had more time with girl
* Girl doesn't do nearly as many nice things for boy as boy wishes for
* Boy secretly dreams of flying away with girl on Unicorns to Pleasure Island... and girl has no idea
* Boy starts to resent girl for not recognizing his love sure and true, and girl starts to stay farther and farther away, or treat him worse and worse to drive him away, cos she can smell that desperation like a fart in a car
Now, you may present with only a few, or all of these symptoms. But if you find you have more than three, consult your expert Love Doctor, Sean Messenger, because you, my friend, have a critical case of one-itis.
Fortunately, modern science has come up with a cure.
And the best thing is that cure isn't restricted to some overpriced, fluff-filled DVD set that clogs up your bookcase and embarrasses the fuck out of you any time someone (esp. a girl) sees it and asks "is this stuff like that show 'The Pickup Artist?' that stuff is so weird!"
Nope. This cure is available to you over the counter, at the low low price of Nuthin'
Here is it.
In order to prevent the onset of One-itis (and this is especially important now, as Valentine's Day is the peak of One-itis season), take the following precautions:
* Unless you are in a sexually monogamous relationship (and BOTH of you know it) with a girl you care about, always have more than one girl you are testing the waters with, flirting, dating, smooching, approaching, whatever
* If you are in a sexually monogamous relationship with a girl you care about (and did I mention those are the fucking tits!?), never ever forget that there are more beautiful women in the world than dreamt of in your philosophy, Horatio. Never stop appreciating the beauty and sexiness of women all around you. I mean, don't be a douche about it and blatantly check out other chicks while you are arm-in-arm with your sweetie, but don't shut yourself off from feeling the sexual, life-giving energy of women all around you in this world.
That's it. Two simple steps to ensure that you don't become a victim of the most dangerous threat to our balls and boners in the world, One-itis.
This year, remember that Valentine's Day is One-itis season, and keep yourself healthy. Balance, my son. After all, if you are stricken with One-itis, you aren't going to be able to make any women happy, or crazy with desire, or over-the-moon in Love.
And if you can't make women Love you, well, you are just wasting your time on this lovely earth, my friend.
Remember, treat others as you would have them treat you (and if they aren't treating you well, DEMAND that they do!)
Let's be careful out there.
Love,
Sean
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HOW DO I MAKE A MOVE?
Following is a summary of a "day 2" I had on Saturday. I'd appreciate any feedback that experienced people are willing to offer.
So, the girl I posted about here, and I had a rain check on Saturday to catch some fireworks. Unfortunately, the weather forecast was “shit, shit, and more shit” for the second night in a row. Fireworks, once again, were not in order. So we decided to see a movie instead, and she suggested we grab sushi beforehand. Coolness.
Unlike the cancelled fireworks of the night previous, this ended up being just the two of us. The evening was pretty uneventful. It was our usual flirtatiousness… but… the flirtation never really crossed any lines. She just seemed really somewhat unresponsive for a lot of the evening. At one point, the lack of fireworks came up, and I suggested that we should just make our own. At that point, she said “I don’t have time for fireworks.” (She generally allows her busyness to overwhelm her.)
We went and saw the movie, and she had to work early this morning so couldn’t do anything beyond that and had to go home. That’s it.
(By the way, Hancock is a *great* movie! Go see it!!!)
This girl has generally baffled me for awhile, because I get *a lot* of mixed signals from her. (then again, I’ve probably sent her a fair amount of mixed signals too, because I’ve gone back and forth in my mind about what sort of relationship I want to have with her.) On the one hand, our relationship has been *very* flirtatious, as far as our conversations, interaction, and physicality (very close dancing, ass-slapping, hand-holding, etc., although we’ve never kissed) go. Plus, we went out to dinner and a movie together, alone. I don’t know if this is true, but I’ve been told by women (and a couple dudes) that there’s no way a woman would look at that and *not* consider it a date…. And then we’ve also shared moments like the one I posted about from Friday night, where I just get this really awesome vibe from her. So there’s that, but, then there are times where it seems like there’s nothing between us, and I get red flags like, “I don’t have time for fireworks” and have gotten other things like that in the past.
What am I supposed to make of this situation?
-EJ
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Just make a move. It may work, it may not. But the longer you wait, the more bored she gets. The more frustrated you get. You get credit for trying, and if it works, well, fuck, now you are going somewhere.
yes, I know it's scary. Yes, it's possible she will reject you. Yes, that will not be fun. But are you having any fucking fun now?
- Sean
Sean, I'm confused.
I loved listening to your "first kiss" podcast. I took away from that to kiss her after she's felt like you could have kissed her a couple of times already, when you're not in a totally public place, when she's showing at least one of three particular physical signs.
And what I've found is, there's almost always a reason it's not exactly like that. And in this thread, you're saying to kiss her. Because that's how to make things happen, to see if things are going to happen.
How do you balance all these things? Are you saying, hell, if it's not perfect, maybe all you have is this semi-public place in the bar, then kiss her anyway?
-V
Dude, if you wait for things to be perfect, you're gonna be waiting a long time.
And don't try to snow me with your excuses. I will make you a MILLION dollar bet right now that if I were a fly on the wall on your date, you didn't do ANY of the things I talked about in that class to get her excited and turned on, which is why you didn't feel you could kiss her, which is why you didn't try.
And I know how it is cos I've been there, dude. It's pure and simple fear of rejection, so let me break it down for you simply;
If she agrees to go out with you, she knows you want to kiss her. If you do not at least attempt to kiss her, she thinks you don't like her. Even if she doesn't WANT to kiss you, she wants you to try.
It's a version of the Pascal's fallacy:
* If she doens't like you and you don't try to kiss her, she still doesn't like you.
* If you doesn't like you and you try to kiss her, she may still not like you, but she will respect you for trying and may like your boldness.
* If she does like you and you don't try to kiss her, she thinks you don't like her.
* If she likes you and you kiss her, she likes you a LOT.
Every dude gets stuck on #2. You are ASSUMING unless she hangs up a giant banner over her pussy that says "I'm wet for you, you big big stud!" that she most likely does NOT like you that way, and if you try to kiss her you are breaking some rule of god and man and she will be horribly offended and shocked and call the cops and the bouncers and all her big angry dude friends, and then call your mom to tell her what a perv you are for trying to kiss her.
Which is all... bullshit.
Women don't like it when you try to have sex with them when they don't want to.
But kissing? Shit man... unless you try, you will never know for sure.
And trust me. You are wrong about 50% of the time when you think a girl doesn't want a kiss. All girls love kissing. If you make it clear you love it, and get more comfortable with it, you'll find you do it a lot more.
It's not a big deal. Remove your head from your arse, wash up nice, and go kiss her. And if she doesn't kiss back, smile and say "you're so cute I just couldn't resist."
- Sean
100% agree with sean about kiss her, 9 out 10 time although i never did a graph on this things don't go well is because guys don't want to take a risk and move it to the next level and try to make everything perfect.
"Better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all." -- Saint Augustine I think it's from him
well it's better to have risk and fail than never to have try at all hehe.......
- S
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NO ANSWERS TO MY TEXT MSG?
I met this girl nearly a month ago, had a solid interaction with her and ended with her number. Typically I don't ask for girl's numbers cause I'm Senor Lazy, but I genuinely wanted to see her again. You know those girls that passes your qualifications/screening with flying colors, gold-star worthy, 1st girl to ever do that, and I want her part of my life either as a lover (preferably;-) or a friend.
For the past month we've keep in contact via text. We banter and role play beautifully (haven't really established rapport). Everything is all polar bears and ponies until I want to set a day2 with her. She flaked on me once due to her "work." She said she wanted to hang out with me 3 times. Whenever I set it up, she complies, but when I set up the time and all the logistical goodies she'll never reply and just ignore it :/.
me: We're going to ikea. we're going to jump on every bed in that mofo and I need a new light. Kool Aid is welcomed.
Her: awesome I need something from there too. Whoever invented kool aid must have been sssoooooo cooooollllllll
Me: K sweet, let's meet up on Tuesday at 2pm.
*****DEAD SILENCE*****
This is like my 4th time doing this too. 3 of those times she just ignored my attempt. Am I being too commanding/relentless with the "hey Im going here at this time time your coming. Be excited type of attitude?" Im doing my best to be unreactive and cool about it whenever she doesnt respond, but on the other hand, I don't want to convey that I'm fine being penpals with her.
- H
Why are you meeting her at 2 PM at Ikea? That's not a date. That's no risk.
No risk, no reward.
Text her this.
"This is crazy how we never get our schedules together. I dig you, and we gotta test this crazy chemistry out in person. Let's get a drink this week. How's Thursday at 8? I know a great little place, cozy and laid-back."
Let her know you like her a lil', and make it happen.
- Sean
Sean Messenger, you see right through me.
Wise words none the less, I greatly appreciate your help brother
- H
If you want someone to show you exactly what you need to do every step of the way, from Approach Anxiety to Direct Game to Rapport to Dating to Relationships and even handling Breakups, I've got a class waiting on just that topic, plus 24/7 Support for all your dating questions.
Go ahead. Sign up for the free UCP trial, try it all out for 7 days and keep all the CDs and DVDs for nothing, and go ahead and TRY to stump me with a question:
http://lvo3.com/home/ucp
I mean, just because it's never happened before don't mean it won't happen now. Give it a shot, sport. Let's go.
Wishing you peace, love, and great frickin' women,
Sean
http://lvo3.com
CHAT