Top 10 Common Mistakes When Online Sarging
I have been compiling these as I answer questions on my online thread and from what problems I see posted on the forum. Many of them stem from these things when talking to women. I post these so that you can avoid these costly mistakes.
1. Being too needy - This is the biggest one I see guys making when talking to women online. They finally start talking to a woman and the bombard her with emails and instant messages each time she is online. She begins to wonder if you have a life outside of the Internet.
Make yourself scarce and somewhat hard to get a hold of. People like things that are rare, take diamonds for example, or artwork. People don't collect pennies for example because everyone has a ton of them. Even if you aren't completely busy all the time it does a lot of good to make yourself appear that way. Resist temptation to check your messages all the time and reply back as soon as she emails you.
Part of this is the 3 strike rule. 3 consistent strikes to her not responding and you are done with her. Don't keep messaging her anymore. Same is true with phone and text game.
2. Use your own lines - This has to be one of the biggest things out there. Many guys are using openers other people wrote for example Whoopie's Facebook Poke Opener then don't know where to go after a response from her. Well the opener did what it was designed to do and get her talking but since it's not yours, you are in the dark as to where to take it.
When you use your own material or have a plan at least this will help. If you use someone else's opener. Ask them about the types of responses they got and how the responded to them. Then put it in your own words! This will help you transition better.
3. Use the opener and get off it - Another big mistake is guys get hung up talking about the opener for far too long. The conversation plays out too far and goes dull. It then gets harder to regain the interest of the girl. Use the opener, when she responds back work to get off that topic and on to something else you want to talk about. It's up to you to "LEAD" the conversation.
4. Build a connection - I wrote on my blog at length about this not long ago. Basically, you need to recognize there is a difference between building basic rapport and building a connection to someone. Talking about your favorite foods, football teams, and things of that nature builds rapport not a "connection." To build a "connection" to someone involves grounding yourself in their reality by letting them see parts of their personality inside you and vice versa.
You will need this connection to escalate her comfort levels and get her from email to IM, IM to the phone, phone to in person, in person to in your bedroom, etc.
5. Substituting Online Game for In Person - Bottom line is this is not a good idea at all, unless you have some physical limitations. You need the skills and calibration you develop from going out to be better at online game.
Many guys tend to use this as an escape for not wanting to open due to AA or other sticking points. The truth is you still need these skills and the things you learn from being in person. I can say that because there is an element of cold reading and reading between the lines in what women are saying that exists with online game. You get that from going out in field. This is a key component to being okay or being great with talking to women online.
This also applies if you know the girls through normal means but still choose to communicate online. That's a big step backwards, and will only hinder your results.
6. Not Escalating Fast Enough or Too Fast - Again like the above example you have to know the "type" of girl you have and feel this out for how fast you can get a number or if you need to wait. Bottom line is don't apologize for trying to escalate things at any point. If you get rejected go back and figure out if you need more attraction or comfort, rebuild, and the try again later.
Remember online game is slower than normal game.
Be patient!
But also remember the goal is to get her from email to IM to phone to in person as quick as you can. The longer you go without talking for long periods of time the more your chances for succeeding go down.
7. Not being congruent - This is a huge one and I should have listed it better than #7 but I touched on this a bit earlier. Just be yourselves and convey your own winning personality through those messages. Many guys get to the point of talking on the phone only to get shot down.
The girl sees that he's not the way those carefully planned emails and IM's made him seem and she's nervous about his incongruence. Her female intuition tingles and she stops talking to you.
8. Not projecting - I always talk in terms of when I see her and when we go do something. I almost talk as if it's already been decided that we have made future plans. This goes a long way to helping you get a date later. Not only that but it displays confidence in yourself. This might include stuff like "When we...." When I take you out...." Basically use "when" to "win."
9. Not utilizing pre-selection - Is one I see occasionally but is a big one if you're not using it. If you aren't conveying that you have both good relationships with men and women then you are in trouble. Many people stereotype online daters as being anti-social.
The biggest thing you can do is convey you have friends you hang out with, and women that like you in some way. If they are friends or if they are "past girlfriends" make sure to interject this whenever you can. The more she hears it the better, and more likely she'll agree to see you since you're "safe" to be around.
10. Overnegging! - This happens a bit to often than we'd like to admit. The truth is it happens a whole lot in field when we are starting out too and as we develop calibration we calm down some and don't do it as often. Many guys see a profile think a girl is a 9 or 10 and overneg.
The truth is most girls don't think of themselves that high and mighty and since we can't watch her immediate response and body language when we are typing online be careful with these. Usually a few light negs are plenty! I typically just use a basic false disqualifier like "I'd marry you but wouldn't date you" type of things. Stuff that is lighter on her.
Many guys over do it, and piss her off thinking they are building attraction. Be very careful with this. In most cases 90% its not even needed that much. She's not in some posh club with her friends, she's in her home, in her pj's checking her email.
Hope these tips help you out and prevent you from avoiding some key mistakes.
CHAT
