hey
how dose a guy generaly get use to the fact that their girl has cheated on them
i mean this recently happened i was with this girl as my Gf and the next thing i know she leaves me cos she was seeing someone eles behind my back

i just need some friendly advice to get over this cos recently i have been feeling in the gutter

From personal experience, I know how you are feeling.

What got me though a bad relationship was the fact that I realize that it was better for her to have done it now, that say when you are married.

Just remember there is nothing you could have done other wise, even the best of boy friends are cheated on.

If your with someone there should be no excuse for you to still be looking, and the reason some people fail to realize it is because of the way that they were either raised, or just have a history of bad relationships.

What I have found is the best way to get over someone is to go out and meet new people.

No matter what, you should never take her back.

Best of luck

-Dre

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-Dre

If your going to question me, you better have a theory behind your argument.

"Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life; define yourself."
-Harvey Fierstein

Dre is completely correct. Better for it to just happen then waste countless time later down the road.

Hell, a couple of my best guy friends and I had a pact that we didn't care if we messed around with each others girls if the girls came on to us, because that just shows the girls weren't worth it.

Cheaters are just low lifes. Hyper-self-centered people. It's great to have them show their cards early. So they are actually doing you a favor.

Getting over a situation like that is two-fold. As the two posts above stressed, know that you are lucky to get away from a person like that.

And the second half is to do a self evaluation of your own confidence/esteem level.

For me, a cheater is just showing a fatal flaw, that they put there own self-centeredness above everything else. A "fatal flaw" so they gotta go. What if it was some other fatal flaw? Like,,, a heroin addiction? Or the chick was a thief? Or she showed herself to be one of those violent types, she likes to hit people?

Those kinds of things are easier to accept.

But a cheater is harder because it's a blow to our self-esteem. They picked someone over us.

So take a second look at your own confidence level and make sure you are patched up. It's normal to run into cheaters in our lives. So just put a smile on your puss and be glad to be rid of her early! Just set that trash out on the curb and don't look back.

Dre definitely has some helpful advice.

I don't know nightrider, a little bit of anger is always good in recovery but you can go overboard.

There's a psychological term called "Narcissism" which basically means that when someone doesn't feel the way we feel about them it destroys and makes us question our own validity. We feel we have done something wrong, its our fault and we hate the bitch for making us feel that way. This is pretty normal. But we can let it go overboard.

Learning to accept people as people and the fact that not everyone will feel the same way about us is probably a more healthy alternative. In a deterministic way, you can't completely understand what made her into such a destroyer of hearts. And it is unbelievably hard to accept (you won't be able to change her though). But you need to hold on to the fact that you have good qualities and you are a good person. In the end she misses out and she is deluded, don't take it personally. And don't turn into this guy ->

Hope that helps someone.

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-HomeWrecker

"The Part-time, residential, demolitions expert".

It's really simple man. She just doesn't sound like the type of girl you'd want to be with. There is nothing admirable or attractive about cheating. She sounds like a cold hearted, incomplete person with loose morals. If she was worth it and you really did screw up enough to give her cause to leave you, she would have broke up with you and let you know that she wanted to see other guys BEFORE the fact. There are a billion other women out there like her. You should be looking for something better.

Remember, you are the prize.

If you were married, then it would be a big deal. But, you aren't. So lighten up. If you love this girl evaluate yourself and see what you did to push her. Remeber, people cheat for a reason. It's because a cheater is in a good relationship, that's missing something important...a connection.

Not to sound homo, but was tempted many time because I didn't think the girl I was with cared about how I felt.

How often do you touch hands? How often do you kiss?

It's either one of two things. YOU aren't connecting with her or SHE'S a cheating biatch. But either way, you ain't connecting.

Dude, I didn't read any other replies, so I hope that I'm not repeating anyone.

I was cheated on by my fiancee 4 days before my wedding, with my best man, in Mexico.

It sucks, it hurts, you just need to pick yourself up by your bootstraps. It will be hard and it will get easier in time. You will never forget it, but you will be easier to deal with. Allow yourself to feel the feelings, then move on. More importantly, don't take it out on any other woman, it's not the world's fault, it's just hers.

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Life is a game. Win.

Medic, you nailed it.

So I was cheated on after being married for 5 years, and I totally agree with Dre. Far better to nip it in the bud than stumble into it years down the road. In retrospect there were signs at the beginning I should have heeded. Still, there could be a whole host of issues as to why it happened that may have nothing to do with you. Or to be perfectly honest you could have played a role and I think it's important to face that possibility. If so, view it as an opportunity for growth and greater personal awareness. Here's the thing though, you can't really know exactly why it happened, and as such it doesn't do you to much good to agonize over it. The past is the past and what you do right now is going to create the future you want. So to parrot what Medic said, pick yourself up and move on.