FWB = Friend With Benefits.

I met a lady online quite by accident (she added me as a friend on Facebook), we emailed, started chatting, were enjoying talking to each other, exchanged a few sexy pics, then cybered once, etc. I went to meet her in person last Sat (she lives about 3 hours away). The trip was well worth it. Sweet woman, tall slender blond with a pretty face, nearly a bikini model body...we banged it out twice while I was there, once Sat night, once Sun morn. She realizes I'm recently separated and not ready for any serious relationship, and she's OK with that (she's divorced, so she was there herself in the past 2 years).

I've always been wary of coming across as too aggressive (being a historical "nice guy" aka AFC)...after we got back from going out partying Sat night, I remember thinking "OK, how do I escalate?" She had showered and put on sweat pants (not exactly lingerie or anything) so I wasn't sure exactly how to read that action from her. We were sitting, talking, and drinking wine, and I had her get up and slow dance with me to a one song, but she quickly sat back down. Hmmm. We continued to talk and laugh, then I just started tickling her. She had her flat muscular belly showing, so I just started kissing her stomach. That's all it took...I slide my lips up her body, started kissing her mouth, and then whispered in her ear that I was going to eat her panties off...I took her moan from that whisper as an "OK". I proceeded to continue the kissing and pull her clothes off, I didn't ask her if I could, I just did it...she didn't offer even any token resistance. We proceeded from there.

There's a lesson I've learned (or at least been reminded of) here, which is why I'm posting this: Be the aggressor, women expect you to take the lead. She obviously expected me to take the lead, she wanted to get laid as much as I did, and if I hadn't been the aggressor neither one of us would have gotten laid. Even though I was a little unclear about some of her signals, I just assumed she wanted to get laid, and I was right. (Now, if she had said stop, I certainly would have, but she didn't.)

So AFC's, don't forget to take the lead and escalate!

Cheers,
Gruuve

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Divorced dude having a good life.

Hey, man, Great work

This is the kind of learning everybody should have

I guess that qualifies as "in the field learning", eh?

We have plans for her to come here two weekends from now...looking forward to that!

Gruuve

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Divorced dude having a good life.

Great tip Gruuve.

Women want men to be men not some pussy ass beta male who skirts around it.

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Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.

~ Ferris Bueller

so step 1 = Eat panties?

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Every Saint has a Past, Every Sinner has a Future

LOL. Minor correction: Eat panties off.

Gruuve

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Divorced dude having a good life.

VERY good topic to those stuck on the other side not even realizing that they MUST be the ones taking action. Men are men. Women are women.

This is what I have recently (well about a year ago) learned about women...

VERY few will be the aggressor. The two aggressors that I (luckily) had a year or so ago is a ONS with this girl from high school... and had another stick her tongue down my throat at a party without barely talking to her (5 mins).

However, I get so close so many times with various girl of who I DO want to fuck. But I have the sticking point of Kino and if I do not Kino it is very difficult to escalate, sexually, if at all.

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"going to workout and shit." -stunt101 (PUA chat)

Good post. I seem to still wait for the woman to give me some kind of indicator (for instance, the lady in question had told me after we exchanged some pics "When you come here, I'm gonna hurt you!"...LOL). I logically know that I need to be the aggressor, but had kind of forgotten how it feels to do that...I've been married for almost 13 years...escalating with someone you've had sex with, like your wife, is a little different than escalating with someone you haven't had sex with before...I just need to keep practicing though, then it'll become as easy as escalating with a wife or GF, right?

So, this post is to remind me as well as anyone else...be the one guiding the physical behavior and making the moves. If she wants you to stop, she'll say so. I've just got to remember to follow my own advice here! LOL.

Gruuve

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Divorced dude having a good life.

It's funny that you mentioned the sweat pants. I had this girl come over a few weeks ago, at like 1pm and she was wearing sweat pants.

I looked at her and said " you couldn't even dress nice for me", she told me "fuck you, I wore these so you wouldn't have any trouble undoing any buttons". In my head I was like "erueka".

Obviously she knew while she was getting dressed at home that it was going down. Anyways just wanted you to know that your girl had the attention as well....


BTW I could be wrong and she just wanted to be comfortable lol...

LOL...hadn't thought of that! Interestingly enough, when I got there she had just gotten out of the shower, and was in a robe, panties, and bra. I actually would have prefered that she had been dressed and lookin' hot when I got there, but I took the robe as a "take me when you'd like" hint. If nothing else, it certainly suggested comfort and trust, eh? I was tempted to escalate right then, but I figured I'd let her wait until later that night...it seemed more fun that way, spend some time together having fun, then bang it out when we got back to her place.

I'm trying to figure what I did right here, and what I could have done better. This woman and I just hit it off over email and chat...didn't take any effort at all from me. We did end up in one little spat though...she invited me up on the weekend of the Feb 14th and I had said a tentative OK, but my estranged wife moved more of her belongings out and created a bunch of drama and fanfare that Sat, so I really wasn't feeling up to being around someone that night. She understood, but was also a little miffed at me. I tried to explain that we needed to go slow, I wasn't ready for any serious relationship, etc., and I pushed a few of her buttons and got her miffed. She got past it though. (Reminder to self: women aren't logical, they are emotional.) I told her that night "Did we just have our first lover's quarrel? Now that we've got that out of the way, let's work on the part we skipped." That got a laugh out of her. Doesn't seem like she held any grudge about it based on last weekend.

Gruuve

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Divorced dude having a good life.

i think you did everything right man. you took what you wanted. i learned that the worst that could happen if you escalate is that she rejects you....WHO FUCKIN CARES?? first i was really self-concious about being rejecting, but then i realized: she's gonna know that you do this often, and she's gonna feel like she's missing out.

a tip for the e-mail/chatting game...if ur smooth on the computer, be smooth in person. there's nothing worse than meeting up and being a totally different person LOL

Explain what you mean here, please! She's more likely to sleep with you if she thinks it's something you do a lot because she doesn't want to feel left out? Details on what you mean, please....

Gruuve

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Divorced dude having a good life.

So, I think my FWB (who's supposed to be coming here next weekend) is sort of avoiding me. From things she said, it seems she's afraid of getting too attached, so I'm thinking she's trying to put a little distance between us. I've texted her or emailed her a couple times, and she hasn't responded, so I'm going to leave her alone. She recognizes that I'm recently separated and still dealing with some hurts and angers from that, and it's given her a bit of a deja vu (the last BF she fell for was a musician who was recently separated...he ended up going back to his wife). I have to admit, her avoiding me makes me WANT to chase her, but I know better (thanks to folks like ya'll!). I'll chase some other skirt while she gets her bearings. As far as I know, our plan for her to come here is still on.

Gruuve

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Divorced dude having a good life.