Hi, so I want run a potentially tricky situation and get some other feedback,

So i meet a girl who will be staying in england for around 5-6 months and we go for couple of dates. It goes well but at same time i feel something holding her back. But in the end we kiss and its nice and everything.

Now the problem is she knows she will be leaving probably for spain, and this is what is holding her back, scared of being hurt in future if we have to part, and I have thought of this also. So this has all come out properly now since our last date.

What would you do? Knock it on the head early?? But also at the same because this is early in our freindship so i dont want to be like saying lets make big plans etc (not good game so early), although i do think i like this girl a lot.

so its tricky, fear of losing a good one, fear of maybe never knowing what would have been, and also i do think of her a lot, and i dont want to create difficult situation for her in future.

look forward to your opinions!

Interesting situation, I like this one. To precis: How do you get with the girl without committing too much ? ah, I love the eternal conundrum.

There are basic evolutionary principles at play here. She is physically interested in you. She wouldn't go on dates & kiss you if she wasn't turned on by you (hindbrain). However, cultural expectations of commitment and 'respect' are polluting her biological urges. Our job (well, your job actually), is to cut through to the biology.

A few suggestions:

1) Develop your alpha side. Don't be weak, understanding and 'democratic'. Know what you want, express it clearly, make it an expectation of her continued relationship with you and don't let her renege on this. Be confident in your ability to take her if you want.

2) Turn her on so much that she can't resist. Make the hindbrain overpower the forebrain. To do this you'll need to find out what turns her on, what 'pushes her buttons'. Play all of this mercilessly and unrelentingly. Be her fantasy, then take it further by creating an even better fantasy for her which she can only realise with you !

3) just lie to her, tell her that you'll go with her to Spain, paint a picture of drinking Manzanilla's together on a Cadiz terrace etc. When you've painted a sufficiently romantic picture she'll open up for you. If you have no intention of going with her then no worries, she'll be 2000km's away. However, I recommend that you go with her - Spain is a wonderful country, and travel maketh the man.

All in all Zaptastic, I'd recommend that you start to understand her as a sexual being. I've got a lot more about this on my blog (hit www button below this post).

have fun !

PhilZ

Thanks for the input, will certainly give this some thought.

My first response with her the day after when she spoke about the concerns was to be understanding and tell her I had same fears etc, so I will certainly try and be stronger in this area.

Who knows maybe I would go to Spain, seems a long way off at this moment but never say never so I feel I wont need to lie to her, don't want to do that anyway, regardless if its alpha or not.

Only thing now is I probably wont see her until weekend as even now, she actually lives a little distance away, so hopefully she does not make a 'no' decision before we see again.

thanks again, fingers crossed!

Women have a deeper need for letting others know "how sensitive she is . . " than anything else. Basically. . . it's a woman's job in life to play the violin and go through the act of a woman than to actually focus on her real needs. So long as you address her "needs", you're all set . . . but you're a bit late already.

Your frame from day one should have been . . . (Yes, you know you both face an uncertain future but God Damn it she is an incredible woman, intelligent, sexy, and beautiful and you can hardly control your self) Physically, you should have been the one that caveman's a kiss out of her, then your the one who should have pushed away saying something like, "What are we doing? I don't know what's going to happen when we . . . but damn it, you're so hot. . . " - then you kiss her even more passionately.

What you're saying is, "I understand your logical dilemma. I understand it as I feel the same . . . but this crazy ass attraction between us is beyond 'our' control."

Had you kept this game up, pushing the level every time, you would have been in her pants long ago. If you put the "fears" on the table without a strong sexual/attraction frame to offset those fears, you won't even get a kiss out of her anymore.

And guys . . . lying to her about some International travel is so weak . . . sure you might get a lay out if it but give yourself a negative score for style if you actually do this. And moving your life for a one time vagina meat is even weaker.

Thanks again, maybe your right and I have already blown it, and if so then lesson learnt (sucks), but I shall damn well give it a go anyway,

Just to clarify though I did say I was not going to lie to her about anything, and would I move for a one time thing? No, but would I rule it out if something really good happened over a period of a number of months? Who knows.

Anyway, guess we will see, hope ya wrong though something tells me maybe ya right though....

Never "too" late . . .