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I've found the best method here is to punish her, but not by being a jerk, by flat-out telling her it's not cool.
Just a simple "Where were you?" "That's not cool. I was expecting you and you weren't there. When I make time for someone, I expect them to be there. I have many other people who I could have made plans with, but I chose to make them with you. If you can't make time for me, I'm not going to make time for you anymore."
Something like that, to let her know that you will not take it anymore. And then DON'T TAKE IT. If she flakes after that, drop her.
This was my stand-by strategy for YEARS, and for years it was the weakest point in my game. Why? Because it's easier for the chick to just avoid your condescending attitude than it is to accept that flaking was a shitty thing to do and start being punctual.
It took me forever to learn this lesson, but there are two scenarios and two responses that I've found are the most effective.
1) When she calls to flake - This is the easiest one. Just reframe her flaking as a good thing, ala "Oh, you can't come? That's
perfect, my friend was wanting me to come over and watch episodes of The OC. Apparently I remind her of some character on there." Note the subtle suggestion that I will be hanging out with another girl. Credit Herbal for this brilliant response.
2) When she just doesn't show up - Don't make initial contact. 99% of the time she will call you after a couple days. When she does, pretend it never happened. If she brings it up, tell her you totally forgot and make new plans.
This is what has worked best for me, although I don't get many flakes anymore because I nip them in the bud by running this routine on the first interaction: At some point in the night, I mention having really high standards for the people I allow into my life, and when she asks what I mean I say, "Well for example, if a girl flakes on me, I probably won't ever take her seriously."
Cuts flakes in half
Your boy,
870