Hey Sierra,
With your problem 1, I had the EXACT SAME problem/issue in my first long term relationship, which started at 14/15 (lost my virginity to her at 15).
I think the reason why I felt like that is because I had always had this expectation or ideology that girls were beautiful, respectful tame creatures that should be handled with care. I expected to wait a couple of weeks before our first kiss, and a few months before we started heading south.
The reality was that we kissed as soon as I asked her out, and she made me finger her comparatively very early. I found out about her experienced past, even how she had kissed many other girls. I also learnt first hand that most girls were like this (of course she had all the gossip on her friends and other girls at our school). Her personal experience crippled me inside whenever I thought about it...thoughts like:
-it won't be special, she's already done it
-someone's been here before me
-it's my first time and everything, so it's special for me, but not for her
-someone else has pleasured MY girl
-etc.
I think these irrational thoughts boil down to lack of experience (and for me, also naivety). Another aspect is your expectation, ideology and ideal. It may not fit with your model of girls and relationships, probably because your model is irrational/obsolete/too idealistic. Consider this for a moment.
My best advice, although it may not seem helpful, is simply to
let go. In time you will come to terms with her previous experience of boys (actually, I don't think I ever did in 21 months), but you will at least accept it. You just have to let it go and admit that those thoughts are irrational. It's up to her what she did with her past and there's no right or wrong granted it was all her choice.
Problem 2.
Now this is interesting. Quite strange actually, by this time most girls would be gagging for it.
Quote:
we have both agreed that were not rushing
In my opinion this is pretty AFC thinking. You just haven't built enough comfort and/or attraction with her, or haven't captured and led her imagination, or accelerated her emotions, or made her feel horny without actually doing something physically to her.
You have had sex with her already which is great. I think it would be a good idea to ask her the ROOT cause of why she is copping out before the orgasm. Because I'll tell you one thing. This:
Quote:
she tells me it makes her to tempted as it just makes her want to go all the way with me
Is almost certainly bollocks! You have to decode that. It may be a flat out lie to cover up something else, perhaps an insecurity, or it may be subcommunicating something else. I can only guess, you need to find out. If you can do this WITHOUT verbalising it so much the better, because talking to her about it can make it worse/kill the mood next time you do it, especially if the problem still resides.
Next time she says that, try and go all the way. It may sound pushy or whatever, but she should want it. She should enjoy it. Then make no excuses for it or any 'we're taking it slowly' crap because that's all BS unless there is a legitmate reason behind it such as she has been abused in her past or something.
Good luck buddy!
CHAT
