Alright, I was insanely bored and had nowhere to go... so I went through the entire thread and put this together.
I can answer any shit test with either sarcasm or straight up honesty. Sometimes, I'm just a smartass or I challenge her. Besides that, the following never fail:
"And?"
"So?"
"Why?"
"Yeah right."
"Whatever you say."
"Yep." (and variations of yep)
"So why are you still talking to me?" (and its variations)
(NB: In most instances I'll just plow without letting her respond.)
HERE WE GO!!! The ones with stars (*) are tests which I could realistically (or already have) personally run into. Based on my approach, a lot of common shit tests simply don't apply... but I answered them anyway, for funsies.
* "Why don't you buy me a drink?"
"Why?"
"I really love Jewel, Don't you think she sings well?"
"I don't even know who that is."
* "You're mean."
"So why are you still talking to me?"
* "Why don't you just leave?"
"Because you're still standing there."
* "Out of all the girls in here why me? And how do you plan on getting me to go with you?"
"Cos I wanna. Aaaand, something like this. Let's go."
"Are you coming on to me?"
"Is it not obvious?"
* "Why aren't you drinking? Don't be a pussy!"
"Cos you wouldn't take me seriously if I was drinking, would you?"
* "What rating what you give me and my friend here on a scale from 1-10?"
"I don't do ratings, but in my opinion you're/she's hotter."
"What's with that shirt? You look like you just left a Barbara Streisand concert."
"Whatever you say."
"I don't give my number out to guys in bars."
"I don't want your number, I want
you."
"So, did a donkey teach you how to dance or are you just a bit goofy?"
"I'm gonna have to say yes to both of those."
* "I'm bored"
"So why are we still standing here? Let's go."
* "Do you have a girlfriend?"
"Nope, what's it to ya?"
* "You're just like all the others, trying to show you're different and better than everybody else just to get in my pants."
"If anybody else came up to you and did what I did before this, you wouldn't still be here."
* "You're just a player"
"I just wanna make love to you. Now, if I was a player, I'd lie about wanting a relationship with you before I told you that."
* "Do these lines usually work on girls?"
"Yep."
* "Do you honestly think you can win me over?"
"Yep."
* "You're gonna have to do better than that"
"Whatever you say."
* "Wow you're rude."
"Whatever you say."
* "Why don't you move out of your parents house?"
"I can't afford it right now. And?"
* "So, how many girls have you had sex with?"
"I honestly have no idea."
* "So, how much do you make?"
"Very little. All I wanna do is make love to you, and I don't exactly have to buy you a boat to do that."
"Dammit, cash machine's broken. Can you lend me 30 quid till Monday?"
"Nah, you'll have to ask somebody else."
* "I'm on my period do you still want to hang out?"
"Well, I like blowjobs as much as the next guy, so why not?."
"Hey can you go get my friend from outside?"
"Nope. Next time I walk out that door, you're coming with me."
"Do you watch porno?"
"Yep. So what?"
* "So who was that girl I saw you with last week?"
"What did she look like?"
* "Don't you have friends to come to places like this with?"
"Yep."
"Quit flirting with us and go somewhere else, we dont like you."
"Well, whatever you say. You know where to find me though."
* "What if I told you I have a BF?"
"What if I told you almost
every girl I know uses that one?"
* "Do you think I'm hot?"
"Yep."
"You know, you're not funny."
"Whatever you say."
* I'm not attracted to you, why are you still trying to flirt with me?"
"Cos you're still standing there."
"Why are you smiling so much?"
"If you knew the things I knew, you'd be smiling too."
"I'm married"
"What kind of flowers did you have?"
"What makes you think you are so special?"
"I'll let you figure that out for yourself."
"Hold my purse"
"Why?"
"Don't be a broke ass, buy us some popcorn"
"Apologise for calling me a broke ass, or you can buy your own." (If they apologise, they can still buy their own popcorn. I don't even know them. Plus, they're rude.)
* "Why do you seem so interested in me?"
"Cos I am."
* "So of all the girls in here why talk to me?"
"Cos I feel like it."
"Whats your biggest weakness?"
"If you get to know me you'll figure that out."
* "You seem like you do this a lot"
"That'll be cos I do."
* "Did you just stare at my ass/Chest?"
"Yep."
"I want a man who can pay for me."
"So why are you standing here talking to me then?"
"Aww its cute, you think you're smooth."
"Whatever you say."
* "I barely know you."
"And?"
"Your hair looks stupid."
"Whatever you say."
"That guy over there keeps waving at you and giving you thumbs up. Is he with you?"
"Yeah, it's kinda offputting. Let's go outside."
"Woah how did I end up talking to you?"
"I walked up to you, said some stuff, you said stuff back... and here we are."
"My friend likes you. (she just introduced you to her friend and she is dog ugly)"
"Not my type, sorry."
"Can you look after my bag while I dance for a bit?"
"Go ask that guy, he looks like he will."
"So you're after a shag yeah?"
"Yep."
"Do you wax your eyebrows?"
"Nope, I shave 'em. Waxing hurts."
"Does my bum look big in this dress?"
"You spent enough time looking at it in the mirror to know that already."
"I need a guy who can protect me, what can you do to keep me safe?"
"Not a hell of a lot to be honest, I'm pretty skinny. I've got a really big kitchen knife at home though."
* "I think I'm too much for you to handle."
"Whatever you say."
"Why are you still talking to me?"
"Cos you're still standing there."
* "Why would you ask something like that?"
"Cos I wanted to."
"You just wanna fuck me dont you?"
"Actually, I wanna make some toasted soda with cheese afterwards aswell... how good is your grill?"
"You look alittle too young for me."
"Whatever you say."
* "You're too skinny"
"And?"
* "Do you just like slutty girls?"
"There's no such thing."
* "Why are you talking to a lot of other girls at this club/bar?"
"Cos I can. Jealous?"
"Are you trying to pick me up? it won't work!"
"Yeah right."
* "Are you here alone?" (when in fact you are)
"Yep."
* "So out of all of the guys in this bar, why should I even give you the time of day?"
"Cos they're over there and I'm over here, and you've got some time to kill while they get drunk enough to come ask you about boring shit and pretend not to be attracted to you."
* "Is that the best line you got?"
"Yep."
* "You're gonna have to work for it."
"Whatever you say."
* "I just saw you get THAT girls number."
"So? She couldn't come home with me so I had to get her number instead. Now, it's all about you."
"Do I know you?"
"Well, if you did, you wouldn't really be asking me that would you?"
"Did I say you could touch me?"
"Nope."
* "You are such a smart ass."
"Yep."
"Hey, which one of us is hotter?"
(Point to the one I think is hotter) "You mean which one do
I think is hotter? Her/you, why?."
"So do you always talk to strangers?"
"Yep."
* "Why should I give you my number?"
"So I can call you and get around to that stuff we talked about. Why else?"
* "How many girls have you hit on tonight already? Am I the twentieth?"
(Just tell her how many, or exagerrate ie. "nope, I hit on every one of them and once I'm finished with you I'm leaving.")
* "I have to get up early in the morning."
"Well, I know a good way to wake you."
* "What if I met someone else?"
(Shrug shoulders) "What if you did?"
"I love pot, how about you?"
"I smoke a little once in a while, but I'm not crazy about it."
* "I'm taken"
"Whatever you say."
* "Where are all your friends?"
"I dunno. I'm sorta trying to concentrate on you at the minute."
* "How come you never told me I'm pretty?"
"Cos you know that already. I'll tell you how sexy you are
all you like later on though."
"I only go for tall guys."
"Whatever you say."
"I don't like your shoes."
"It's good you like me for who I am, instead of for my cool fuckin' shoes. I like that."
"Wow, that t-shirt is so cute, does your little brother know you have borrowed it?"
"My brother? That's not really a good subject for me, if you don't mind."
"I don't like your cologne."
"Whatever you say."
"Long hair makes you gay."
"Sucking dick and taking it in the ass makes you gay. And as a matter of fact, some people aren't even sure about
that."
* "Why are you talking to me?"
"I told you that already."
"My 10 year old brother has that same shirt."
"And?"
"I'm busy right now."
"Doing what?"
* "Don't you have anything better to do?"
"You already know the answer to that."
"See that girl over there? She looks about your type. Why don't you go talk to her?"
"Yeah, she looks nice. Tell you what, I'll give you 2 choices before I go talk to her." (I do my secret kiss thingy which I'm not telling you about heheheh)
* "Why are you wearing sunglasses?"
"Cos! They're famous."
"Why are you still here?"
"You can walk away any time you want, I'm not stopping you."
* "Stop staring at my breasts."
"I will once you stop drawing attention to them."
* "What makes you think i'm interested?"
"If I told you that, you'd sop talking to me just to prove a point. Then you wouldn't have any fun."
* "So why should I pick you, out of all guys in this room?"
"That's up to you. You should know a good man when you see one."
* "I don't think you're my type."
"Based on what?"
"Do you act this way around every girl?"
* "Yep. Why?"
And that's all for now. Big list though!
CHAT
