I had the girl from myspace that I was talking with over last night. I was dead tired as fuck - stayed up pass 24 hrs. How did I almost make it out alive? Fucking caffeine baby!

Anyways, when she came over - I immediately used Kino then I invited to smoke. She said she didn't want to and I asked her what's wrong with her stomach. She told me she didn't want to tell me.

Now, here's the history of this girl - she has been through several relationship with assholes that just treated her like a piece of shit and a sex object.

So, I made her a small plate of spagetti that I made. Meanwhile she was texting on her phone. Which isn't bad - she's has a large social network. So, we finally sit down on the couch and watch a movie. I constantly kept on reading her body language.

I notice she was twirling her hair and leaning away. I didn't know if she was bored but that's what I picked up. So, I told her she has a beautiful smile and she said thanks, then I said "Come here!" and pull her towards me.

We made out but didn't go far. She kept on texting at periods then I walked out to get a smoke and came back in - she was on the phone again.

We made out again then she got a call. She was talking to one of her friends. She went to the bathroom and said she was going to go. So, we hugs and kissed again. I felt disconnected with her for some reason. You know how that is right? The resistance - the other person running away sensation. I felt it almost through out the night.

When I can't connect with someone because they're hiding something or whatever.

So, we started making out on the couch again then we got down to it. She said she likes me but anytime she has anything nice things go wrong.

Also, she said she likes me and that I'm a really nice guy - I make her laugh.

Also, remembering when she said "I like you" there was a incongruency of body language. She shook her and shrugged her shoulders and looked away. Shaking the head is disagree with what she's said. Shrugging is doesn't know or confused maybe why she's saying it. Looking away is being dishonest to the other person.

Not that I was looking for it but it's what I noticed. I notice also, when she was showing me a shirt a guy got her and I was out of my mind - "Oh, look white stain!" She looked at me disguised and said, "That's not funny." She then scuffed like "I can't believe he said that!"

What I learned over the years is that when someone gets defensive because it's to cover up something.

So I walked her out and she got in her car and drove off after I kissed her. She told me she'l call me when she gets to her friends house. She never did.

We text back and forth - I was using jokes. But also I noticed she was using short words - like "lol". I wrote her a message, "Wouldn't it be cool to teleport but it's not Star Trek, you know? LOL! Are you guys getting wasted?"

She wrote "No." Which I was like, okay... I threw a joke but it didn't sound right because I was tired as fuck.
She wrote back, "Whatever".

REWIND: When we were talking and she told me that guys just want a piece of ass. I joked with her and said, "You have a nice piece of ass!" which she laughed at.

Okay back to now. The thing I was picking up was she wasn't really enjoying the time we shared. She left in a hurry when a friend called her to go to somewhere. Also, she just wanted to cuddle and me to hold her. She was fine with kissing and all but she didn't want to go further.

She said if things don't work between us - we can still be friends. She said she wanted to get to know me more and more.

If she's naturally attracted to assholes - I can not be. Sure, sometimes I sound like asshole but I'm not.

However, I do notice I don't have the urge to text her - I'm thinking about her but the need to text her isn't there like it use to be. I'm fine you know - I think something changed last night but I'm not sure what it is.

I seem in peace with serenity. Sure, I was dead tired last night and didn't make sense which is okay.

Also, she's a just a girl. THere's a dime in a dozen. So, if she decides to text me or not see me - it's fine. Meanwhile, I'll still carry on making progress and changing.

So, I'm not sure if anyone of you guys heard that line or had a date where the girl was texting or calling her friends all the time. You know?

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You need to learn to stop pushing and trying to make things work on your schedule. I've seen you make this mistake a lot actually.

When she shrugged and shook her head and looked away from you while saying that she liked you, it wasn't because she wasn't being honest with you. She told you that whenever things are going good with a nice guy they end up turning out bad and that's a common thing for girls to say because that's how they feel. They are afraid that things won't work out well, so they hold back and want to go slow, but you took her as not being fully honest so you pushed. She didn't want to be pushed, she wanted to go slow and ease into things so she could feel safe.

You can't expect other people to be ready on your schedule. If you want a relationship and not just a one night thing, you need to be sensitive to their feelings and not push them to move at your pace. If you push, then they don't trust you, they feel pressured and think you're trying to get something from them, which is understandable because guys that want something DO push. So when a girl isn't going at your pace, then slow down to hers, don't try to get her to speed up to yours or you'll blow it like this.

I've been there man, it sucks, but it's time to learn from your mistakes and stop repeating them because like I said, I've read a bunch of your posts with the same mistake being made. I know you can handle it though, otherwise I wouldn't give it to you so straight.

_________________
"The 'Brick Walls' are there to allow you to prove how badly you want something!" ~ Randy Pausch

~ Rye

LOL! I know Rye Rye! I wondered why I had the thought she was fucking some guy u know? She told me guys treat her like a piece of ass. However, I was cuddling with her and she was talking to her friend saying, "Well, third base is opened at 3 in the morning." I'm not sure if that's a bar.

Although, she's pretty screwed up though. It's not me - she told me herself she has problems that she has to deal with before getting involved in a relationship.

We text a bit and things are cool but we're just friends. I told her we can be just friends and that's it. I think it's best for her to get over her deep emotional problems and that I understand how difficult it can be.

Also, i'm implemented a new rule that I don't need to text her or need to talk to her - only when I want to. I choose whether or not I want to talk you know?

This one girl in my complex told me, "I might have to use ur computer for a moment." "No, i'm working on something."

Plus, I didn't have a printer so, the reason giving was logical. If I did - it would just be a favor if I wanted to.

Also, back to this girl. I noticed that I've made some changes - in the morning I decided to meditate morning and night. Some how I feel refreshed and more energized. I noticed this girl brings me down a bit. So, I think it's best to just stay friends. Also, I came to some conclusions that I don't need someone that is just fucking around. I talked to some friends and one of my friends told me that I should find a girl that will appreciate me and it sounds like to her she's a bitch.

Also, this girl that I had over last night - probably suffers from low self esteem. When we first chatting she started talking sexual and sending me nude pictures then bamb - let's go slow mode. You know? Which is okay, but I think she needs to work on her self like I do too.

THere's always improvements to make you know!

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Also, I forgot to add some stuff in here which is important.

1) She's not very nice person. For example, she kept on calling my apartment complex a hospital complex.
2) She doesn't really respect others that much.
3) She gets high - which isn't good.

There's others but I can't think of them. I mean I want a girl that is:

1) Respectful
2) Nice
3) Caring
4) Funny
5) Sense of humor.
6) Appreciative.

I'm not saying women are bad - because they're not. But most women on myspace are messed up. Most of my friends on myspace do weed. I'm not into getting stupid. I charish my brain cells.

Also, indulgence of alcohol and drugs tends to mean to cover up open wounds and is a temporary relief system to ease the pain.

Also, it seems to me she has a negative demeanor and negative perspective which I'm trying to get out of. I don't need someone to bring me down - you know?

So, I think it's best for me to not talk to this chick or just be very distant with her.

Hey, if she told me I'm a great guy and she likes talking to me then she has to feel the miss you kno then she'll eventually get the balls enough to change. I think her changing will make her happy and become more healthy. I don't know if anyone would agree but I definatly think she needs to grow up.

Now, again - don't think this is I hate her because she rejected me WHAA! I took it as a great wonderful learning experience for the both of us.

She told me when I wrote in the text. "All I can say is I'm sorry." She shouldn't be so I wrote her back and told her she shouldn't be. It's not her fault and so on.

However, I'm not becoming her personal therapist - but I do think a little PUSH in the right direction will help. You know guys?

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"Women Love What They Can't Have!"

My official underground website

http://f4fc0878.linkbucks.com