This super cute hb7.5 with blonde hair/blue eyes and I had been texting for about a week.

Tonight we had finally went out on our first date and it was awesome. Great chemistry and we had fluid conversation and flo the entire time, no awkward silences. We went ice skating which was fun and cool b/c its different and allows for easy kino.

Then we went and got coffee which was her idea which is good. And we had made plans next week for us to go to starbucks and read some books or whatev.

But anyway, we get to her leaving and goodbye hugs and how we should do it again and stuff and I ask her...

Brandon: Hey, can I ask you a question?
Hb: Yeah, What?
Brandon: Do you wanna kiss me?
Hb: (with a smile) I don't kiss on the first date.
Brandon: (somewhat flabbergasted) well, i didn't want to kiss you anyway (jokingly, looking away)

As soon as I looked back she had already kissed me on the cheek, I gave her one more hug + hand hug and she was on her way.

I think overall that the date went well and I will see her again...what do you guys think is going thru her mind? How should I approach the kiss close next time? Should I be super passive? Whats your opinion on it all.

She had repeately said she had a lot of fun and I could tell by her body language that she was into me (holding hands, hugging close, etc...) but theres that doubt that I did something wrong too.

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I like vagina.

Some girls are like that whether they enjoyed the date or not. Don't beat yourself up over it and just believe the fact that she had a good time and was into you. She may just want to take it slow and not feel easy.

I'd like to criticize your reply though. Saying, "Well I didn't want to kiss you anyway" makes you sound upset and like you're trying to recover for not getting the response you wanted. The way Mystery phrased the line (I'm assuming this is what you were trying to do) is, "I didn't say you could." By saying it that way you are placing the desire on her, not you and without sounding like you're upset over not getting what you want.

Personally I dislike the idea of asking a girl before kissing her. If things are going right and you're both feeling it, then you get closer and if she doesn't pull away you kiss her. There's more that goes into it to make the kiss everything but inevitable, but that's the gist of it.

Like I said, don't beat yourself up over it, if you felt like things went well and she said she had a good time, then assume that's the case. You're not perfect, she's not perfect, you're both going to make silly mistakes, that's dating. She's probably questioning herself over what she did wrong and not thinking about what you did wrong, so put it out of your mind and just have a good time next time you see her.

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"The 'Brick Walls' are there to allow you to prove how badly you want something!" ~ Randy Pausch

~ Rye

I said it in like like a playful jokingly way.

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I like vagina.

not bad, the response seems a lil childish tho, maybe sumthing like "i asked if u wanted to kiss not if u were GOING to kiss"

I personally am not a fan of the "Do you want to kiss me?" technique because it all depends on the situation you use it in. Your situation was not the right time to use that. You can't just bust it out of anywhere and expect it to work like you did. It's a spur of the moment kind of thing. Also, the question comes off as a little to strong and it gives them many reasons to say no; most of the time I don't think girls are willing to admit that they want to kiss you, even if they do, because they want to be in control.

By the way, you asked her "Can I ask you a question?" before you used that technique which completely kills the effect. Do you always seek permission before you ask a question?

Next time, just try looking her in the eyes and if she holds eye contact for a while and smiles go in for the kiss. She'll probably accept and even if she doesn't and she turns her head away I'd say that's better than a verbal rejection. Your a man with big hairy fucking balls and doesn't make excuses for doing things that he wants, like kissing a woman.

She doesn't kiss on the first date? Fuck that. What is this the 4th grade? It's just a kiss. She has kissed on many first dates, you just gave her the opportunity to say no. That's why I think "Do you want to kiss me?" sucks.

Honestly it doesn't really matter how you said it. Even in a joking tone you come off sounding insecure and like you're qualifying to her in order not to sound desperate. You wanted to know how you sounded, that's how you sounded. But it's a small thing if she enjoyed herself and she won't hold it against you, so just accept the criticism, learn from it and don't say that again.

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"The 'Brick Walls' are there to allow you to prove how badly you want something!" ~ Randy Pausch

~ Rye

I'm actually going to disagree with you a bit here Rye. Girls use lines like this to make it easy on fellas they aren't attracted to enough or those they do not feel comfortable with the prospect of a sexual relationship with. It may be true, but I highly doubt it. I've seen girls flip like a switch between 'not kissing on the first date' with someone, and having a one night stand with another.

To the poster, it sounds to me like you aren't developing any sexual chemistry with this woman. In my opinion, the biggest cause of this is a mixture of false social programming, and a limiting belief that she does not want sex, especially from you. But since she is keen on second dates and such, it is obvious that she likes you. But liking someone is a component of a relationship, not attraction or sexual desire. You have probably fallen into the 'provider' role with this one. Find out what you aren't doing to lead the interaction to a somewhat sexual place, and ask yourself 'why I aren't doing that?' Is it because you deep down feel a sensation of unworthiness? If so then you should set some positive affirmations like:
'For a woman to enter my life, it will be the best thing to ever happen to her'
'I am comfortable with hot women being attracted to me'
'Women want sex more than men'
'For every gorgeous woman, there is a man who is tired of fucking her' (stole that from Alfie )
'I am the prize'
etc...

And keep telling yourself 'I like myself' and BELIEVE these things on a profound level.

If it's partly because you were raised through parents, friends, and society to believe that women should be treated like queens, and with the utmost respect. If you believe that they want to be romanced over long periods of time through chivalrous actions without invading their personal space. If this is part of it, then the more you read and study this material, your subconscious will begin to kick that other false shit out that back of your head.

You look, and seem, like a nice guy. But you won't get laid by being nice.

Your inability to create a sexual spark with this girl, or any other, is not your fault. As Rye said, don't beet yourself up or feel dejected. However, you must take responsibility for this and put effort and energy into changing, and taking something positive out of this situation.

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There are no failures, only feedback.

You misunderstand me Pleth. Some girls aren't open to kissing on the first date, but that doesn't mean they can't be opened if you create lots of sexual chemistry. ASKING that type of girl is going to get a negative response from her though because she isn't open to kissing right off the bat. If you just moved in and kissed her like I said, then it's rare for them to put up any resistance if you've been doing well up to that point.

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"The 'Brick Walls' are there to allow you to prove how badly you want something!" ~ Randy Pausch

~ Rye

Alright, I just wanted to make sure you weren't excusing him for his inability to close by dismissing it as a pre-determined choice that she would have made one way or another. It's still the poster's responsibility and should not be brushed aside "that's just the way it/she is." Learn and adapt.

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There are no failures, only feedback.

Yeah, I phrased that part of my initial reply poorly.

One thing you do have to note though is that some girls are just that uptight about any kind of sexual contact and won't let their guard down. Call it a character flaw or being frigid, but some people don't get physical until you've really established some serious connections. I used to be the kind of person that wouldn't kiss a girl until we'd at least been through a date; I had problems kissing random girls in the bar even though they were interested. I'm not saying that if he had done things differently she wouldn't have kissed him because by asking her he pretty much shot himself in the foot, but there are rare cases where the girl is a fanatical about her virginity or whatever; there's always exceptions to the rule.

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"The 'Brick Walls' are there to allow you to prove how badly you want something!" ~ Randy Pausch

~ Rye

personally, i think that was a shit-test, butttt to tell you the truth, i don't know how to react to it.

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Slept On Rappers
http://hiphoprising.blogspot.com

well...i was kinoing almost the whole night and i just wanted to avoid being in the friends zone. I agree, that it wasn't appropriate for the situation but that line has worked a lot for me, but in this situation it didn't. I'm gonna cool her off for a bit and wait a few days, see if she texts me...see if i can set up a movie night or something more intimate next week. anything else you guys should suggest?

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I like vagina.

Rye Lee and Plethora bring up very good points

I don't feel like typing so much....
Now i'm here to light a fire under your ass read my friend-zone post in my signature see how it relates to your current situation and don't let it happen to you.

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Friendzone 1-vt51424.html?postdays=0&postorder=asc&start=0

I personally wouldn't cool it off because if you cool it off any more than it is right now it's gonna lose any fire that is there. So what if she didn't respond how you wanted, just keep moving forward. A couple days before you see her is fine, but if you leave the ball in her court after she has shown so little investment I wouldn't be surprised if she doesn't call you.

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"The 'Brick Walls' are there to allow you to prove how badly you want something!" ~ Randy Pausch

~ Rye

When a girl does not want to kiss you it isn't a shit test. You've already failed something before hand....

And for the original poster, Rye Lee is right; if you try to "freeze her out" or whatever it's going to be counterproductive. Try working on her a little more but if it doesn't work out than...nexxxxxxxt.