It isn't cheating ifit's consensual. Also, you need to be friends with Missy or it isn't going to happen.

You're well on your way to lowering your standards in order to hold on to a 10 year old investment + protect yourself from being "played" for a chump. These fears are F'ing you up.

There is no "game" here.

You want to hold on to her for what? You want to be the "go to" guy to hold her dildos with a sock stuffed in your mouth between her sessions with her girl? You want to keep her around as a fuck buddy? This isn't who you are.

You're naturally possessive and jealous in regards to sex. Just speak to her honestly and tell her how you REALLY feel. Then go find a girl who appreciates possessive guys.

You need to get over your hangups about sex and sexuality. It sounds like you're scared and uncomfortable about the whole thing. I don't think you're ready for something like this because you're not even comfortable with your own sexuality.

Most girls are aroused by the thought of other women, that's just the way it is. Hobbit posted a great article about a study some scientists did on this, but I can't really be bothered to track it down, heh. Just cause she gets turned on by it doesn't mean it's going to happen, although it may be a possibility.

The fact that you're so uncomfortable with the whole situation is making her feel bad. If you're interested in her exploring her sexuality, then you need to stop making her feel bad about it and in order to do that you need to stop feeling guilty about it yourself! You can't make them sleep together though, it just isn't the way things work. Especially if you're still all conflicted about things; she'll just assume you have alterior motives (hey, that's amazing, you DO!) and she'll probably leave you because you're being fucked up and manipulative. She won't leave you for Missy, she'll just leave you and at some point when she is comfortable, then she'll explore her sexuality by herself and that's probably all it will be, not her becoming a lesbian, just exploring things.

None of these issues are hers, it's all you and you are the only one that can deal with this stuff and get over it. Focus on yourself, not her. I'd let her know that you realise you are conflicted and confused and be honest about what you really want without stifling her. If you want her to be able to explore her sexuality, then let her know that, just let her know that you're not entirely comfortable with everything yet and you want to work on that. She'll probably be more than happy to help you deal with things as long as you aren't making her feel bad about herself. So stop taking your issues out on her.

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"The 'Brick Walls' are there to allow you to prove how badly you want something!" ~ Randy Pausch

~ Rye

KNEW that would work! LOL!

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"The 'Brick Walls' are there to allow you to prove how badly you want something!" ~ Randy Pausch

~ Rye

Hey guys, thanks for the advice, partic Rye. We sorted everything out last night. All is cool:

Hey guys,

Thanks for all the advice. I talked with GF last night. Or rather she brought up the fact she wants to do Burlesque dancing but doesn't have anyone to go with.
I went through all of her friends apart from Missy. I then mentioned Missy and she said that she really wanted to know if I was ok with her going with Missy now that I know
Missy wants to have sex with her. I said I was ok with that.

She told me she has no attraction to women at all and that she feels it might be wrong to go Burlesque dancing with Missy as it would
be like leading her on sexually.My GF says she finds the idea of Burlesqe dancing very sexy but would want to be uninhibited with her body,
and that would be cruel to missy. She said that if they had Sex Missy might develop deeper feelings for her.

She said she was happy for us to fantasise about sex with Missy but that she doesnt have any interest in being with a woman. She then said I
needed to tell her any fantasies I had about her and Missy which I did. She said she would be dissapointed if I wanted to have sex with Missy or found her attractive.


She then told me a fantasy of her and Missy having sex whilst she masturbated. She came very hard, and when I asked why, she said
that she just replaced my name with Missy and told me what I wanted to hear. She said she also had a fantasy of me forcing her to
have sex with boyish blond haired girls. I asked if she would like that and she got very angry and said that they were just
fantasies and she would never want them to happen and that she has no attraction to girls - the fantasy is for me.

Finally she told me of her fantasies about some of our male friends and explained that having sex with Missy would be no different.

I'm glad I know she has just been doing this to turn me on. She says she is more than happy to fantasise about Missy but I must understand
she says Missy for me, but is imagining me in her.

I think everything is resolved now, but I really appreciate the advice guys.She has explained that these fantasies are just that and can
never happen in real life and we can never have sex with other people - which I am fine with.

I have a suggestion for you, if you ever find yourself in the room with two ladies who have been craving each other sexually for as long as these two have. This is just my opinion, so I'd like to ask some of the ladies here on the forum for their input as to whether I am right or wrong....
If you ever find yourself in this situation....Don't try to be "The Director", as seems like a natural thing for a guy to do. If they are in each others arms, you, my friend, are the intruder, even though they have elected to let you be a part of the action. They are there for THEIR pleasure, and not yours. Let them do whatever they want to do, and you should act more as a priveliged spectator than a director asking them to do the things that you have always fantasized about. I'm not saying you would do this, but most guys would. I myself have never enjoyed a 3some, but if I am ever that lucky, I am just gonna sit and watch, and let it happen however the ladies want it to happen.
Ladies, am I right about this?

Little story for ya here ....
About 13 years ago, I was married to a girl who was absolutley perfect physically. She was FINE!
When we went out, she was the center of attention in every bar ALWAYS. She could have had any guy she wanted. She said she wanted me.
One day, we saw an interracial couple...Black guy, white woman. "EWWWW!!!" She said... "No way in HELL I would ever do that! That is so disgusting! Why would a woman do that to herself??"
Not long after that, she met a black guy she couldn't live without, and left me with a son to raise.
Moral?
Just because she says she don't want to sleep with Missy, don't mean it's true.
My advice, take it or leave it.... Tell her you believe her, but keep your eyes open.
Now, let me say this, so everyone will know. I'm not a racist. Her new guy turned out to be a nice guy, and, while we were never "friends", we were friendly with each other... Until she did the same thing to him....With another black guy.

What Tipper is saying is, "EEEWWW" means "yes".

Yup.
Some folks thought I was wrong one time, but no... I was right then too.

Well, here is another update guys. Its pretty messed up.

We normally have sex 1-2 times a day - for the last week its been up 3-4, and we talked and agreed it was because of talking about fantasies etc.

Last night she picked some porn for us to watch. She avoided the lez stuff. and picked a few threesome ones (mff), but was only half interested in watching these. I knew she would complain, so I got some very hardcore videos of women having sex with other men in front of their partners. Basically, I thought this would shut her up and she would want to go back to the threesome stuff.

Once she saw these videos she was transfixed. She stared at the screen for about twenty minutes before speaking. When she did speak she just asked me to fuck her in the ass whilst she watched. The videos were quite shocking and when I asked if she liked them, she said she wasn't too interested in the videos, its just the idea of watching them with me and she wanted to get back at me for fantasizing over her with a girl.

I don't believe this for a second as she was very horny just watching the more extreme videos. I have no idea why she is avoiding the girl girl stuff - she says it doesn't offend her, just doesn't do anything for her.



After the anal, she blew me, which frankly I never thought she would do in that order.

I then told her that I knew about the dildo and used it on her. All the time she insists, "this is so good" - "I'm imagining its you". She gets furious if I suggest another person, even as a fantasy. She says she only fantasizes about me, which is complete rubbish considering what she said a few nights ago.

She has been texting Missy describing the videos. Its pretty matter of fact, not sexy at all.

Why does she get hot over something, then deny it turns her on and always insist she is imagining me. She gets so angry when I talk about a fake character and will stop having sex or just get awkward.

I think if you play your cards right, this might work out for you. This is my suggestion...take it or leave it, just a suggestion, and I'd get some more input about it before you do it.

Next time the subject comes up, ask her to promise that if she ever DOES decide that she wants to be with a woman, she has to include you, even if you only get to watch. When she gets angry and insists it's never gonna happen, tell her in that case, she shouldn't have any problem making this promise. Tell her that if she does it without your knowledge, you'll never forgive her for cheating on you.
After you get this promise from her (Maybe the next day) I'd begin telling her that it's ok to have fantasies about women. Tell her that you heard that a very large % of women, something like 85-90 %, have them, (I don't think it's really that high, but....) and then tell her that you would never judge her for that, because you love her so much, and because you don't see anything wrong with it anyway.
Don't push her too hard though. You are at the beginning of something here, but doing it wrong could blow it for you. Thats why I said to get some input from others before you try it. There are some smart guys on here, who probably have some better ideas, so take your time before you do anything.

Hey Tipper - you are full of good advice.

I just wonder why she insists on saying she only fantasises about me, when its blatent she doesn't. The denial is silly. A few years ago she admitted she wanted to have a threesome. We talked about it a lot and then she deiceded that she wasnt sure if she wanted a threesome or lesbian sex.

At that point she clammed up about stuff until now. When this lesbian thing pops up again its always about athletic but feminine pale skinned women. I dont find this type attractive at all, so I know along with her descriptions of what they do, its really in her head as a sexual desire.

I was shocked how slutty she was last night, I've never had a woman suck my cock after anal or try milking my balls to fill her full of cum. She has never been like this before, my worry is she will go back to very vanilla sex.

I need to get her to the point where she admits she has sexual fantasies other than me and doesn't go back on them. I don't know how to do this...

She says she would dump me if I tried to get another person involved sexually.On the other hand she tells me she loves suprises and she loves that I got her lesbian porn to watch, even though it doesnt arouse her.

Wish I knew how to procede...

One more peice of advice. And it's probably the best one yet.
Wait for it....
.....
Ask some of the ladies here on the forum for their advice.

Although I do claim to be a lesbian in a mans body, I surely have no idea how a bisexual woman (Or any woman for that matter) thinks.
It sounds like, for some reason, she is embarassed of her sexual fantasies. Is she from a strict religious background? Some of the southern U.S. religions are really strict, and anyone who was raised in such an environment will feel "Evil" or "Sick" when they realize that they are having fantasies that are really very common.
Also, if she liked the lesbian porn, she might also like a book I happen to know about. Run out right now and get it for her for a Christmas gift... It's called "MY SECRET GARDEN...Womens Sexual Fantasies." I don't remember the auther right now, but there are actually about 3 of these books, all of which are filled with the sexual fantasies of regular women from all walks of life. I have seen this book at WALDENBOOKS in the mall near where I live, as well as online. The woman I bought it for was from the background I described above, and, after reading only a few pages, threw it out. I'd bet money that won't happen to you though. You still have time to get this for her if you hurry! Let me know how it goes!

Yeah, get her My Secret Garden and you should both read it. Also, perhaps the reason she's so uncomfortable with the whole thing is because she still doesn't think you're ok with her fantasies. My guess is that she thinks you guys want to manipulate her into fucking her friend so that you can as well. If that is your objective, then maybe you should change it so that she stops perceiving that.

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"The 'Brick Walls' are there to allow you to prove how badly you want something!" ~ Randy Pausch

~ Rye

this is just me but i personally think it depends of how deep you consider yourself on an emotional scale. if you are REALLY attached to your gf and honestly have feelings for her it will be harder to get over. if she is merely an object of lust, then it will be easier to get over the feeling of "cheated".

also, from a moral standpoint, it also depends on if you are cool with having a bi-sexual gf. there are guys out there that would consider this morally wrong. but again, it goes back to how attached you are to your gf.

good luck man, i hope it works out for ya

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Who is the 5th of the Final Five?