The most Ridic-you-fucking-lous Openers.



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Locke
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PostPosted: Tue Nov 25, 2008 6:30 pm 
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Quote:
"I just had the dictionary tattooed on my dick. Let's go back to my house and put some words in your mouth."
hahaha.

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Solomon II
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PostPosted: Tue Nov 25, 2008 9:14 pm 
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Awesome thread. I'm the king of bad openers.

I'm going to hell for the things I'm thinking right now... but we should do them just to make sure.

I am Steelcock Von Dragonfucker, and I'm here to save you.

Wait'll ya see my dick, bitch! Hey bitch, wait'll ya see my dick! (continue with the lyrics until you achieve the desired effect)

I'm homeless and I stole these clothes.

You've got something on your chin... wait, no, I'm having visions of the future again.

Hmm... you'll do.

You wouldn't have sex with a complete stranger, would you? Good... I'm Mike.

I hope to god you're not a lesbian.

So tell me, when you took a practice scholastic aptitude test did you know the answers or did you guess?

You're so beautiful I just want you to sit on my face.

Let's go back to my place and do all the things I'm gonna tell everyone we did anyway.

My friend bet me that you wouldnt have sex with me so like, help a brother out... I'll split it with you I swear to god.

You're silly. Girls are silly. I can't even fuck a girl silly because they're already silly. God damnit ok you've twisted my arm... but we gotta go to your place cos I'm untidy.

That's all for now... will add more as they come to mind.


Last edited by Solomon II on Tue Nov 25, 2008 9:33 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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JasonLloyd
 Post subject: lmao
PostPosted: Tue Nov 25, 2008 9:22 pm 
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hey, wanna see this watch. its a magic watch it tells me your not wearing any underpants...oh wait...its an hour fast ;-)

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JasonLloyd
 Post subject: in fact
PostPosted: Tue Nov 25, 2008 9:28 pm 
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correction. my actual favourites are where you take a crappy standard and put something stupid on the end.

if i could rearrange the alphabet id have sex with you.


do you believe in love at first sight or should i come on your face

etc. etc.

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Draven
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PostPosted: Tue Nov 25, 2008 9:54 pm 
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So.. do you like a guy that shaves his balls, or, do you prefer something that will tickle the chin a little?

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ace_of_spades
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PostPosted: Tue Nov 25, 2008 11:32 pm 
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Some really hilarious stuff in here. The one that actually works in London

'Hey guys, any idea which way the Eiffel Tower is?'

Also, the Apocalypse (had to be done Besch ;-) )

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On we plough.

Love,

Ace
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SirKonstantine
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PostPosted: Wed Nov 26, 2008 3:10 am 
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"I just shit in my pants"

:)

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Hopeless Romantic
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PostPosted: Wed Nov 26, 2008 3:16 pm 
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*as your passing a hot girl in a club* "We're like to ships passing in the night, except...we should be the kind of ships that FUCK"

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Risen
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PostPosted: Fri Nov 28, 2008 4:29 am 
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Walk up to a table of completely random girls and say:
"Sorry I'm late guys....the traffic was terrible"

The one time I used it, it actually worked lol!

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lilro
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PostPosted: Fri Nov 28, 2008 8:44 am 
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When leaving the party...

Write your number on a piece of paper and write "wanna fuck" and then just give it to the HB and walk away. Lol.
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Stygian
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PostPosted: Sat Nov 29, 2008 12:17 pm 
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A favourite of mine:

How much wood would a wood chuck chuck if I put my dick in your mouth?

Another:

Gimme a go!

Or the classic:

I'm a guy and you're a girl, we're destined to fall in love right? ....Right?
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LatinLover101
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PostPosted: Sat Nov 29, 2008 6:35 pm 
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On a scale of 1-10.... will you have sex with me/ give me your number?
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Sh@dy
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PostPosted: Wed Dec 03, 2008 8:39 pm 
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awesome stuff peeps!!!

"hey what do you (guys) think, left mid finger or right "(flick her off, with a grin and move them around for a bit) (would probably work best with a group, then focusing the fingers on the HB, then go off into whatever really)

just somehting that will throw them off completely. i usually do something like this, and it always works. be creative!!!

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Danimal
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PostPosted: Wed Dec 03, 2008 8:58 pm 
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The worst opener I've ever seen work "I have a small dick. Do you want to see it?" (Similar to Jaybot's line).

Or, spot a girl across the room hold up two fingers and motion her over "I knew if I fingered you long enough you'd come..."

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shadyb
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PostPosted: Wed Dec 03, 2008 9:10 pm 
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Quote:
1. "I seem to have lost my erection, could you help me find it again"



2. This one could possibly get you arrested, beaten up or worse:

Walk up, lean into her so that the rest of her group can't hear, then in the sleaziest voice possible say "I'm gonna rape you"... then walk away still holding eye contact! I'd like to point out that that was just for laughs, I wouldn't recommend doing it.


3. Walk up to a group with a clearly visible erection showing through your pants, push your crotch out for the whole group to see and say "well ladies, what are we gonna do about this?"
#3 is hilarious

my buddy and i are in our hotel room after a concert chilling, on the beds with some girls that came back from the show with us. in the middle of a friendly conversation with the girls my buddy says, "so are you going to let me get in them guts or what?" we all died laughing. it was a good time.

here's one i think is funny...

"hey boo, let me pee in your butt."
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