Hello,

I have a big problem approaching people. I have a LOT of approach anxiety, and especially when talking to women. But, in general I have a lot of trouble stopping people and talking to them.

I mean, when you think about it, nobody just stands around and waits to be talked to. They have things to do, people to see, and places to be. I feel like I am imposing on them when I go to talk to them (I am specifically talking about the StyleLife Challenge, the part where he tells you to start approaching people in general.)

When I carry this over into talking to women, I have a lot of trouble opening the set. I try to be a nice person and not annoy people. I feel like I am imposing on them when I go up and ask them something, no matter how simple it is.

Am I thinking irrationally? I mean, call me callow and irrational if you want, but I can't even begin to describe how nervous I get when I even think about opening up a set.

Thanks for your help,

Michael

I'm the same way. I always saw it as a fine line between being social and being plain rude. When I was working towards getting over my anxiety I spent a lot of time conversing with anyone standing behind a register or a counter. Even if I wasn't ready to check out, I may just ask where something is and throw a short conversation about how their day is. It more often than not makes their day when someone is nice to them like that. However, even on the streets there is nothing rude about simply telling a passer by hi or asking how they are.

No, you're not crazy. You are feeling it from your own perspective (how you'd feel if the tables were turned). So just be polite.

Bold, but polite.

I've found that in every country and every culture and with every girl, some version of this phrase is always appropriate to start a conversation with her.

"Excuse me, I know it's a bit random of me to interrupt, but..."

_________________
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Sean Messenger
http://LVo3.com

"War is not the answer. Love is."

Yeah, see, I follow you there.

But, I just tend to feel sometimes that even if the person nods his or her head and continues the conversation, deep down inside they're thinking Wow, look at this guy rattling away about *insert topic*... That's kind of pathetic! No matter how confident I may feel at that point of approach, I always feel like VanHaven, like I'm crossing a social line and encroaching on somebody else.

Maybe that's just something I need to work out with time. Thanks so much for your advice! I just need to boost my own confidence.

Couple lines that can get you passed that on the street or at the bar are:

"can i borrow you for a second"

"can i ask you ladies a question"

Yes they do. They just do things like talk to their friends while they wait for you to come talk to them so they don't look like losers who aren't talking to anybody.

It's all a matter of how you frame it. You feel like you're imposing into their lives because you see yourself as someone lower who tries to suck value from them.

On the other hand, if a really generous rich man wanted to give a random person a check for a million dollars, would they feel like they were interrupting anything?

You've got something better to offer than a million dollars. If you don't know what that is, keep searching until you can identify what it is. For now, just know that you DO have SOMETHING to offer worth more than any amount of money because Chief told you.

It's not exactly the same for women, because they are used to being stopped and approached on a constant basis.

If anything, keeping it LIGHT when you first approach them is the most important thing. Just be ready to walk away, you'll have to approach many to get a connection.

Next time you go out, I want you to see how often your way too busy to do something, that you couldnt talk to a person for a few minutes, and heck if there intresting, it might be better then what you had planned anyways.

Basically, your giving yourself a handicap by thinking that your imposing people by talking to them. If your thinking it then, your most likely acting it. Chief said it best, just before you talk to anyone think of it as your just about to offer then a million dollar check and see if your actually annoying them.

Your an awesome dude, and your preventing other people from seeing that because your scared. Remember their is no boogie monster under your bed, and there isnt anything that you cant overcome if you just try.

If you want to know if someone is home, YOU knock on the door. If you want to find out if that girl likes you, you talk to her. You wont know if you never try.

Peace and best of luck my friend.

Women like aggressive men, and you dont have to be afraid of being rude, as long as you dont actually offend them or make them feel bad. Your approach anxiety is totally natural, mystery explains it alot, about how in ancient times you could get killed for talking tothe wrong girl, so its hard wired into your barin, even the greatest PUA's get AE, so dont worry, be aggressive but friendly, and use the 3 second rule. (you have 3 seconds to decide if you are interested in them, then you approach, your brain then kicks in and the conversation is easier than expected)