| Somewhat over a month ago, I moved to Montreal to take a new job. At the same time, my serious girlfriend of 11 years took a job in Vancouver. Over the years, she has come to dominate our relationship. I have been very caring and supportive, completely honest and faithful, and have been completely monogamous. She, on the other hand, has been highly self-centered and has admitted to a couple of flings, one of which went on for over a year and was quite serious. Now, she is very unhappy that I did not move to Vancouver with her and is telling me that if I don't agree to settle down and have a baby with her, things are probably over between us.
I have been in a number of long-term relationships in the past, including one marriage that produced two children who I am the sole guardian of, and the pattern is quite similar. I tend to make compromises to hold on to a relationship and only later realize that those compromises were serious mistakes.
I am currently at a critical point. I either need to learn to be more assertive of my own needs and successful with my current girlfriend or call and end to the relationship, overcome the various difficulties that I have with meeting and interacting with women, and break with the old pattern of subservience.
Yesterday, I purchased Neil Strauss's book "The Game." I have read over a third of the book and have also read a fair amount of related material online. To say that I am intrigued would be an understatement. I only wish that I had access to this material 20 years ago. If so, I might have avoided developing many of unproductive patterns in my relations with women.
I hope that some of you seasoned members of the Montreal Lair will be willing to teach me what I need to know to overcome my shyness, lack of self-confidence, and tendency to submit to the whims of whatever woman I am involved with.
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CHAT
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