| secret elmo: come back to california
Yannika babyyeah: why?
secret elmo: so you can play beer pong with us
secret elmo: and so we can be friends again
Yannika babyyeah: sir we are friends
Yannika babyyeah: and who is "us"?
secret elmo: just people
secret elmo: tonight its jenna, alana, rick, james, and me
Yannika babyyeah: where in cali?
secret elmo: slo
secret elmo: 1370 osos street
Yannika babyyeah: absolutley NO
secret elmo: i'm in apartment A, rick and jenna are in apt D
secret elmo: why
secret elmo: ?
Yannika babyyeah: ever since my accident in SLO i cant drive up there
secret elmo: k ill drive you
secret elmo: fly to LAX
Yannika babyyeah: no i can;t be in a car i SLO
secret elmo: k we can use my scooter
Yannika babyyeah: in
secret elmo: ill buy a scooter for you
secret elmo: or ill get a motorcycle
secret elmo: and you can ride behind me
Yannika babyyeah: you dont understand.... i can't be in SLO
secret elmo: what accident?
Yannika babyyeah: i had a really bad car accident in 06
Yannika babyyeah: it took me 4 months to drive again
secret elmo: i got thrown off a horse once
secret elmo: and it cracked my helmet
Yannika babyyeah: and in the time period i was in 2 more car accidents (i wasnt driving)
secret elmo: and fucked up my shoulder
secret elmo: took 2 months to recover
secret elmo: and didn't ride a horse for 4 yrs after that
Yannika babyyeah: it fucked a lot more then your shoulder sweetie
secret elmo: what happened to you how long before you recovered?
Yannika babyyeah: the car was totaled (sp?) i had a head injury, and my shins were bruised for months
secret elmo: that sucks
Yannika babyyeah: yeah
secret elmo: I don't think it's a function of driving in SLO though
secret elmo: I think the driver of the car might have been the issue
Yannika babyyeah: i was the driver
Yannika babyyeah: thanks
secret elmo: oh
secret elmo: i said the wrong thing
secret elmo:
Yannika babyyeah: anyway its a pschyo thing i need to deal with
secret elmo: yeah, slo is a cool place, there's all these college kids
Yannika babyyeah: mom tried to send me to a shrink.
Yannika babyyeah: i hate college kids.
secret elmo: I think santa maria is boring in comparison
Yannika babyyeah: i live in a college town. i want to droop kick all of them!
secret elmo: Really? I think it's idyllic, I choose to live among college students.
secret elmo: why do you dislike them?
Yannika babyyeah: you would
Yannika babyyeah: naive, ignorant, they have dumb opinions
Yannika babyyeah: all they care about is "changing the world"
secret elmo: eh
secret elmo: I don't care about most people's opinions
secret elmo: I care about Jenny's
Yannika babyyeah: and playing beer fuckin pong
secret elmo: but Jenny's gonna be a forensic pathologist
Yannika babyyeah: who is Jenny?
secret elmo: yeah I thought beer pong was lame before I moved here to this college area
secret elmo: she's my roommate
Yannika babyyeah: uhm okay
secret elmo: aren't you in school?
secret elmo: to become a nurse, yeah?
Yannika babyyeah: isnt a pathologist someone who lies?
Yannika babyyeah: to be a teacher!!
secret elmo: a pathologist is a person who examines dead people
secret elmo: oh
secret elmo:
Yannika babyyeah: what did i confuse that with?
secret elmo: pathological liar
Yannika babyyeah: oh yeah that
Yannika babyyeah: anyway i want to be a social studies teacher
secret elmo: if you wanna be a teacher you gotta like students
secret elmo: I like my students
secret elmo: one of them has cancer
Yannika babyyeah: oh i love students
secret elmo: in her ovaries
secret elmo: and she has a kid
secret elmo: I was tutoring her today
Yannika babyyeah: i dont like college kids
secret elmo: she's coming over to my house tomorrow I think she is gonna want to hook up with me
Yannika babyyeah: oh god
secret elmo: would you hook up with a student
secret elmo: ?
Yannika babyyeah: hmmm... maybe
secret elmo: like, if he was hot
secret elmo: and wanted to
secret elmo: and he was dying
Yannika babyyeah: of age?
secret elmo: but he was not very smart
secret elmo: ~28
secret elmo: like one of your worst students
secret elmo: but one who tries hard
Yannika babyyeah: oh yes!!
secret elmo: and is physically attractive
Yannika babyyeah: i would deff kiss the hell out of him
secret elmo: yeah I didn't hook up with her during the time when I was teaching the class
secret elmo: but now after the class is over I probably want to also ok next topic
Yannika babyyeah: thats good
Yannika babyyeah: okay moving oun
Yannika babyyeah: on
secret elmo: I was at a high school the other day
secret elmo: high school girls are hot
secret elmo: I wouldn't want to teach high school unless I was happily married or something
Yannika babyyeah: okay im reporting you
secret elmo: no don't
secret elmo: I'm already on probation for
Yannika babyyeah: for what
secret elmo: assault
secret elmo: but that's a plea bargain
Yannika babyyeah: damnit
secret elmo: what I did was
secret elmo: this girl
secret elmo: has a boyfriend
secret elmo: agreed to have me come spend the night with her
Yannika babyyeah: you assaulted a girl???
secret elmo: but I have to come back in 1/2 hour
secret elmo: so I left and came back and the door was locked
secret elmo: no problem, I crawled through the window
secret elmo: and came to her bedroom, nudged her shoulder
secret elmo: she moved over and made room for me in her bed
secret elmo: then she didn't want to have sex
secret elmo: so we just cuddled
secret elmo: and she called me Robert
secret elmo: and I laid there for like an hour puzzling about that
Yannika babyyeah: you would
secret elmo: and decided to just cuddle and
secret elmo: anyways in the morning she's like
secret elmo: wtf are you doing here
secret elmo: not anymore I wouldn't
secret elmo: but in 2006 I would
secret elmo: yeah
secret elmo: anyways
secret elmo: so I was like
secret elmo: what do you mean wtf am i doing here
secret elmo: she's like ok my dad is coming back you have to go quick get out now
secret elmo: so i left
secret elmo: and her dad saw me anyways
secret elmo: his truck pulling up is what woke us up
secret elmo: and then her boyfriend found out
secret elmo: and then i started getting death threats from him on my cell phone
Yannika babyyeah: how is this girl?
secret elmo: and then the police came and asked me questions
Yannika babyyeah: old
secret elmo: idk i don't talk to her
secret elmo: she's my age
secret elmo: 26
Yannika babyyeah: damnit
secret elmo: damnit why?
Yannika babyyeah: you get yourself in the craziest situations
secret elmo: yeah that's why I don't have a license yet
secret elmo: I have had to stay under everyone's radar for the last year
secret elmo: and in 6 more months I can get off probation and get my license to practice law
Yannika babyyeah: olny you would crawl tho a window inthe middle of the night then be called a different name then wonder about it then be threatened to be killed
secret elmo: then i can make big money
secret elmo: that is only part of the story
secret elmo: i met this psychotic girl named jenn
secret elmo: and didn't realize she was psychotic
secret elmo: a few weeks before all this happened
secret elmo: and she was living with me
secret elmo: she is a berkely drop out alcoholic who i helped to get into ucla
Yannika babyyeah: wow
secret elmo: and anyways we both got thrown into mental hospitals right after we broke up
secret elmo: so
Yannika babyyeah: you always have the most amazing sstories
secret elmo: that was two days after i left that girl's house who i crawled into her window
secret elmo: that was the last crazy shit that happened in my life though
secret elmo: after that the cops showed up at my house to arrest me for rape
secret elmo: and i had to go get a lawyer to talk to the DA and hide out in LA
secret elmo: and the DA admitted she didn't have any of the elements of rape
secret elmo: there wasn't even any clothes being taken off
secret elmo: so she removed that charge
secret elmo: and replaced it with residential burglary
secret elmo: they charge you with extravagent crimes so that they can get you to plea bargain to something
secret elmo: then the girl broke up with her boyfriend
secret elmo: and she tried to send a message to me that she wasn't going to cooperate with the prosecution if I give her $2000
secret elmo: and I didn't respond or talk to her because it was against court orders
secret elmo: and I took this deal for 3 years of probation
secret elmo: but anyways before I surrendered to the police and got bailed out after they reduced the charges
secret elmo: I was down in LA, studying for the bar
secret elmo: and that's an insane amount of stress
secret elmo: to be studying for the bar while there's a warrant out for your arrest for extravagent crimes like that
secret elmo: it scared the shit out of me
Yannika babyyeah: yeah crazeeeeee
secret elmo: and so I pulled it together and passed the bar and shit
secret elmo: but after that I watch my step
secret elmo: and I've been really careful
secret elmo: you know
secret elmo: ?
Yannika babyyeah: so my word of advice....
secret elmo: I want to be a millionaire, and I want to have my professional license
secret elmo: so I can't go fucking shit up
secret elmo: and anyways now that I've passed the bar I'm not as desperate for girls as I was before
Yannika babyyeah: dont fuck your student
secret elmo: I probably won't but the reason is
secret elmo: well I have my reasons they are private
secret elmo: what's new in your life
secret elmo: ?
secret elmo: I downloaded this hentai called Urotsukidoji
Yannika babyyeah: what are your reasons?
Yannika babyyeah: no sense in being private... ive seen you naked
Yannika babyyeah: ?
secret elmo: i am talking with a 16 year old about tentacle rape right now
Yannika babyyeah: tentacle rape?
Yannika babyyeah: from what? an octopus?
Yannika babyyeah: and dont change the subject
secret elmo: secret elmo: I downloaded this hentai called Urotsukidoji
secret elmo: I watched the first 15 minutes of the first episode
evil dragonpussy: okay
secret elmo: it's supposed to be all ultra-violent but I didn't notice anything very ultra-violent
secret elmo: evil dragonpussy: slasher porn?
evil dragonpussy: that's typical
secret elmo: no it's tentacle rape
secret elmo: porn
secret elmo: evil dragonpussy: so how is tentacle rape supposed to be violent?
secret elmo: because demons
secret elmo: stick their tounges out
secret elmo: and they expand into like 50000000 tentacles
secret elmo: which they plunge into the girl's vagina, mouth,
secret elmo: secret elmo: and pump semen into her
secret elmo: and like 15 tentacles invade her anus
secret elmo: and wrap around her
secret elmo: and lift her up in the air
secret elmo: evil dragonpussy: i'm not sure that question was meant to be answered
secret elmo: and make her feel all overwhelmed
evil dragonpussy: i understood the fundamentals of tentacle rape already
secret elmo: evil dragonpussy: i just never thought of it as violent
secret elmo: that's Jenny's little sister
secret elmo: what you want to know why I won't probably fuck my student?
Yannika babyyeah: yes
secret elmo: yeah you talking about seeing me naked reminds me of
secret elmo: your snatch
Yannika babyyeah: omg
secret elmo: which was very wet and makes me want to taste it
secret elmo: but
secret elmo: then
secret elmo: it also reminds me of
secret elmo: how I totally fucked it up by hesitating and such
secret elmo: and so I don't really like thinking about it
secret elmo: I wish I had fucked you alot, I'm a good fuck but you wouldn't know because we didn't ever have sex
secret elmo: ok so why won't I fuck my student?
secret elmo: because I don't like fucking girls who are kinda dense and who I don't communicate well with
secret elmo: because eventually in relationships it gets to the point where it seems like, for example in the relationship that I just exited
secret elmo: the girl liked to show me off and public displays of affection
secret elmo: like im some kind of prize to her
secret elmo: and she liked getting fucked by me
secret elmo: but when I need emotional support or I want to talk to someone
secret elmo: she really wasn't any good for that
secret elmo: which was frustrating for me
secret elmo: my brother is in the process of getting put in prison right now
secret elmo: and my grandma has throat cancer and might die, and might have to have her voice box removed
secret elmo: and I agonize about these things
secret elmo: and I want to talk about somebody with it
secret elmo: and the girl I am laying in bed with just wants me to fuck her
secret elmo: and then wants me to shut up
secret elmo: and that's cool
secret elmo: i guess
secret elmo: but it wasn't enough for me
secret elmo: and I think with my student it would be the same way
Yannika babyyeah: which brother?
secret elmo: i think she admires and respects my intellect and is physically attracted to me
secret elmo: Jack
secret elmo: mark is all straight-edge now
Yannika babyyeah: sorry that is beside the point but i know all your brothers
Yannika babyyeah: yeah i just talked to him not that long ago
Yannika babyyeah: i am sorry to hear that about Jack
Yannika babyyeah: and your grandmother
secret elmo: he is more advanced in his knowledge of neuroscience than i am now
secret elmo: I have to do research and look things up to understand his publications
secret elmo: which pleases me
secret elmo: and Holly is becoming a product of higher education too
Yannika babyyeah: did you know that i had sex with Mark
secret elmo: Robin and Jack are fucking up
secret elmo: yeah i talked about this with him
secret elmo: i told him if he wants to fuck you he can fuck you it's fine with me
secret elmo: he denied fucking you
secret elmo: so i didn't talk about it anymore
secret elmo: he denies fucking every girl
Yannika babyyeah: omg
Yannika babyyeah: lol
Yannika babyyeah: he was my 1st one night stand
secret elmo: i sorta do that too
secret elmo: deny fucking every girl
Yannika babyyeah: aaaaooooo
secret elmo: probably because when i was learning how to seduce girls i was trying to model my little brothers' behavior
Yannika babyyeah: i cant believe he denied it
secret elmo: bc my perception was they have good success rate
secret elmo: dude he denies fucking esterra and everyone he doesn't talk about sex
Yannika babyyeah: lol
secret elmo: lots of guys brag about their sexual conquests
secret elmo: but our grandfather used to talk to us
secret elmo: and he said things like
secret elmo: well he didn't talk about his conquests either, he doesn't talk about them
secret elmo: my grandpa on my mother's sid
secret elmo: e
secret elmo: he says if the girl is nice enough to be intimate with you, why damage her reputation?
secret elmo: it's a courtesy thing
Yannika babyyeah: thats sweet
secret elmo: so don't be put off that he denied it
Yannika babyyeah: i just think its funny
secret elmo: it's not like I can't tell what the truth is by reading him
secret elmo: he looks up and to the right when he constructs visual images
Yannika babyyeah: i would have thought you would have been upset
secret elmo: i am polyamorous
secret elmo: when i had a girlfriend
secret elmo: i fucked other girls
secret elmo: and i told her i wouldn't commit to being monogamous with her
Yannika babyyeah: you are ridiculous
secret elmo: and we had 3somes
secret elmo: and i encouraged her to fuck other guys
secret elmo: because i only wanted to spend maybe 3 or 4 nights a week with her
secret elmo: and didn't want to be on the hook to satisfy all her needs
secret elmo: i get bored fucking the same person all the time
secret elmo: i don't even want to be a girl's main boyfriend
secret elmo: i want to be her sidejob
Yannika babyyeah: thats why you introduce different things... not ppl
secret elmo: are you talking about positions
secret elmo: or are you talking about toys
secret elmo: or what are you talking about?
secret elmo: this guy from my law school who dropped out
secret elmo: his mom is in malibu and getting divorced from her husband and trying to get her malibu home
Yannika babyyeah: i talking about whatever you want...
secret elmo: and he calls me up in the middle of my conversation with you and wants to send me an email and have me review it and give him legal advice
secret elmo: i told him im playing beer pong and can i respond in the morning?
secret elmo: he says i can borrow a room in his malibu house for a week if i do it now
secret elmo: well you said "different things"
Yannika babyyeah: food, toys, objects
secret elmo: i don't like toys
secret elmo: well idk if i dislike toys
secret elmo: ive never liked any toy
Yannika babyyeah: whatever the fuck it takes to keep him occupied
secret elmo: ill tell you what keeps me occupied
secret elmo: i spend enough time away from a girl
secret elmo: i miss her
secret elmo: and she grows interesting to me again
secret elmo: so i call her or show up at her house and fuck her
Yannika babyyeah: perfect.
secret elmo: but if i live with her
secret elmo: and she wants me to fuck her all the time
Yannika babyyeah: me and my husband are going to have our own houses
secret elmo: and wants to hold my hand all the time
secret elmo: i don't think i would want to get married
secret elmo: to anyone
Yannika babyyeah: i want to. i want to have a huge family
secret elmo: then she would just have a claim to 50% of whatever i earn
secret elmo: i want to have alot of kids
secret elmo: i need another beer
secret elmo: brb
Yannika babyyeah: i need to get doing my hw.
Yannika babyyeah: which means i need to close out this convo
Yannika babyyeah: so piece out
Yannika babyyeah: i will be back in the 805 in a year and a half
secret elmo: wait what
secret elmo: ok
secret elmo: do your hwk
secret elmo: hey
secret elmo: i miss you ok come back sooner and come to slo
Yannika babyyeah: yes
secret elmo: and lets go skydiving
Yannika babyyeah: i cant
secret elmo: and do other high energy shit
Yannika babyyeah: ok to the sky diving
Yannika babyyeah: just not to slo
secret elmo: fine lets go to malibu
secret elmo: for a week
Yannika babyyeah: m not getting naked with you
secret elmo: i am earning a spot in 22370 Twisting Court in Malibu right now
Yannika babyyeah: i dont have sex anymore
Yannika babyyeah: i gave it up
secret elmo: that's gotta be depressing
Yannika babyyeah: not really
secret elmo: did you give up alchohol?
Yannika babyyeah: i spend my time doing other things
Yannika babyyeah: no, i still drink
Yannika babyyeah: lol
Yannika babyyeah: infact i was drunk on tuesday night
secret elmo: k you don't have to agree to get naked with me
Yannika babyyeah: and got hit on like mad it was amazing and i had/have the strength to say NO
secret elmo: just to hang out
secret elmo: thats fine whatever
Yannika babyyeah: i dont trust you... you
Yannika babyyeah: lol
Yannika babyyeah: we can hang out!
secret elmo: im not that much of a horn dog
secret elmo: i mean, i fuck like a god for about 20 minutes
secret elmo: but that's about all im good for
Yannika babyyeah: hahah
secret elmo: maybe not like a god
secret elmo: but you know, girls always want to fuck me more after i fuck them
secret elmo: even if they have boyfriends
Yannika babyyeah: i like it rough for hours
secret elmo: i don't have hours of stamina
Yannika babyyeah: then it wouldnt work out anyways
Yannika babyyeah: lol
secret elmo: maybe the first night
Yannika babyyeah: they always come back?
secret elmo: last september
secret elmo: is when i became sexually active
secret elmo: err
Yannika babyyeah: so if i had a ONS with a guy but never called him back does that mean that he just wasnt that good at it in the 1st place.....
secret elmo: yeah i wondered about that
secret elmo: because sept through december
secret elmo: i had ONS's
secret elmo: and i'd call the girl back
secret elmo: and she wouldn't get together with me again
secret elmo: and then after january i stopped having drunk on's
secret elmo: ons's
Yannika babyyeah: because looking at my "list" that seems to be the consensus (sp)
secret elmo: and instead started paying attention and focusing on pleasing the girl
Yannika babyyeah: i dont do it drunk...
Yannika babyyeah: if i had a ONS, thats all it was, never anything after that
secret elmo: and since then I have only had one ONS
secret elmo: but that ONS was weird
Yannika babyyeah: but i wasnt sure if that was my fault or his..
secret elmo: it was with a girl who
secret elmo: i was initially attracted to ALOT
secret elmo: then
secret elmo: the way i seduced her was by having sex with another girl in the room next to her
secret elmo: and then me and that girl went and laid down in the bed where she was sleeping naked, covered by our own sheets and covers
secret elmo: and chatted with her while we were cuddling aftersex
secret elmo: and made it seem all casual
secret elmo: and then later randomly, this guy she was hooking up with couldn't get it up
secret elmo: so she walked into the living room where we were watching alien
secret elmo: naked
secret elmo: and she complained that her boyfriend couldn't get it up
secret elmo: so I asked her if she wanted me to finish her off
secret elmo: and she said wait a minute
secret elmo: and went back to talk to her boyfriend of the day
secret elmo: so then after about 3 minutes i walked into the bedroom naked and asked if they wanted to have group sedx
secret elmo: and she said yes
secret elmo: and her boyfriend of the day didn't say anything
secret elmo: so i ate her out while she tried to blow him
secret elmo: but he couldn't get hard
secret elmo: so i told him that she was wet and ready
secret elmo: and asked him if he was going to fuck her
secret elmo: and he just left
secret elmo: so then we were alone
secret elmo: but then she started being an idiot
secret elmo: and talking all enthusiastically about "lawyer on lawyer sex"
Yannika babyyeah: how long ago ws this?
secret elmo: like in july
secret elmo: or june
secret elmo: after a wedding
secret elmo: my friend erica and johnny got married
secret elmo: it was the night after
secret elmo: ok so
secret elmo: i will tell you something
secret elmo: when some 19 year old girl
secret elmo: is yammering on about lawyer on lawyer sex
secret elmo: which is supposed to be sensual
secret elmo: but idk all these idiotic things were coming out of her mouth that were killing my boner
secret elmo: and so i decided that i needed to shut her up
secret elmo: so i ended up fucking her real good but it was accompanied by this weird roleplay
Yannika babyyeah: please tell you didnt stick your dick in her mouth
secret elmo: i told her to call me master
secret elmo: and she did
secret elmo: then i told her she was my slave
secret elmo: and im not usually into this domination thing
secret elmo: but with her i was really mad at her
Yannika babyyeah: you are out of control
secret elmo: i was like she needed to SHUT THE FUCK UP
secret elmo: so she started roleplaying my slave
secret elmo: and i told her i have a contract for her to sign
secret elmo: and she's going to sign it in the morning
secret elmo: and she says ok ill sign anything just fuck me
secret elmo: she was frustrated because her boyfriend of the day totally failed her
secret elmo: ok so then i said
secret elmo: ok i have this guy who you are going to fuck
secret elmo: she said what?
Yannika babyyeah: you need to write a damn book or something
secret elmo: and i was thinking about my 50 year ol dboss at the restaurant
secret elmo: who was always bugging me to find him a hooker
secret elmo: and by thinking about how i was going to pimp her out to him and make $300
secret elmo: i got hard
secret elmo: and then after i got hard
secret elmo: i ordered her to blow me
secret elmo: and i gave her specific instructions about how to do it
secret elmo: gently scratch the base of the shaft with your teeth
Yannika babyyeah: okay enough....
secret elmo: compress your lips tightly around it
secret elmo: im gonna fuck your face
secret elmo: etc
secret elmo: then i fucked her after she got me really hard
secret elmo: then after that she slept on the bed with me for about 2 hours
secret elmo: then she went back to her boyfriend of the day and cuddled with him
secret elmo: and the other girl came in with me
secret elmo: and we slept
secret elmo: and then we didn't call each other after that
secret elmo: but that's the only ONS I've had since last december
secret elmo: and it made me feel really weird afterwards
secret elmo: i did feel out of control
secret elmo: and strange
secret elmo: i did that because i had already been motivated to fuck her from earlier
secret elmo: and it was a response to my frustration that she was acting like an idiot with her attempted dirty talk
secret elmo: why do you think in terms of FAULT when summarizing ONS's to yourself?
secret elmo: I notice that some of the girls I've been with language in terms of blame and fault
secret elmo: when ascribing significance to events
Yannika babyyeah: because i dont ever intend on having them
secret elmo: which is the inverse of the way I langauge
secret elmo: like if I try to weigh fault
secret elmo: it usually registers as irrelevant
secret elmo: unless there is some kind of harm that resulted to someone
secret elmo: in which case i still try to figure out a way to avoid focusing on it
Yannika babyyeah: you totally lost me...
secret elmo: i mean
secret elmo: i am interested in motivations and intentions
secret elmo: and in understanding behavior
secret elmo: but it's seperated from blame or fault
secret elmo: because there are the reasons for a given behavior
secret elmo: and then there are the justifications for it
secret elmo: the justifications are a response to blame, or trying to avoid blame, and knowing them doesn't help to understand behavior
secret elmo: like, if you ask why we're at war
secret elmo: people who are pro-war will say it's to liberate the people of <country>, or to bring democracy, or to bring freedom
secret elmo: but the people in the war room who planned the war didn't say to each other "we need to bring democratic freedoms to the people of <country>"
Yannika babyyeah: what does this have to do with blame with ONS
secret elmo: the democracy/freedom stuff is rhetoric, it's justifications, and it doesn't help to explain the behavior
secret elmo: pertains to the issue of blame
secret elmo: like when i was trying to explain tot his girl
secret elmo: that i wanted her to fuck other men
secret elmo: or to not automatically shut out other men just because she's with me
Yannika babyyeah: you were doing so well with not using big words and such and now you are just throwing too much out there.. i cant keep up with you when you do this
secret elmo: and to see them as opportunities
secret elmo: ok
secret elmo: ill simplify
secret elmo: i tell a girl that i don't want to be her "go-to" for sex, that she should find other partners to satisfy her on wednesday-friday
secret elmo: or at least be open-minded about finding other partners
secret elmo: and not shut them out because she's fucking me
secret elmo: and her interpretation of my request
secret elmo: is to start acting like I've accused her of doing something wrong
secret elmo: or to act like I have implied that there is something wrong
secret elmo: and then to start making excuses and explaining why her behaviors are not her fault
secret elmo: she says she likes comfort and stablility
secret elmo: and it's not her fault that she wants comfort and stability
secret elmo: and says she has anxiety issues
secret elmo: and that they're chemical
secret elmo: and she can't change her behavior
secret elmo: so i don't press the issue
secret elmo: but i do notice that
secret elmo: when i started the conversation
secret elmo: it wasn't about blaming her for anything, or faulting her for anything
secret elmo: i was just trying to make her aware that i wanted her not to depend on me for satisfaction ALWAYS
secret elmo: that would have made me more comfortable, because im polyamorous, and i want her to be polyamorous also, so that we're equals
secret elmo: but i sense that in females that guilt and sex are closely connected
Yannika babyyeah: i would never agree to that
secret elmo: well she has already agreed that i can fuck whoever i want
Yannika babyyeah: shes stupid
secret elmo: bc i have already told her that im going to do that, and if she's not comfortable with that then she needs to let me know
secret elmo: and implied that that means im going to walk away from the relationship
secret elmo: and she doesn't want me to walk away i guess
secret elmo: so at the beginning of this conversation it was already established that im polyamorous
secret elmo: but it was awkward because she wanted to be monogamous with me while im not being monogamous with her
secret elmo: you never have casual relationships?
secret elmo: yeah right, you do, you just can't openly admit to it, because you're a girl.
Yannika babyyeah: i cant, i always get my heart broken
secret elmo: everybody hurts when relationships don't work out the way they want
Yannika babyyeah: but the last year has been such a weird year for sexual experiences
secret elmo: i walked around in some kind of weird pain for like 3 weeks after you didn't hang out with me anymore
Yannika babyyeah: what why?
secret elmo: and walked around in serious pain for months after I came back from costa rica and couldn't see this girl mariana anymore
secret elmo: and other girls ive wanted and cant be with anymore have caused me pain
secret elmo: guys feel pain girls feel pain
secret elmo: but from these experiences you learn
Yannika babyyeah: i gave you a 3 week pain and this other bitch gave you months of pain WTF
secret elmo: hey this girl took my virginity
Yannika babyyeah: o amn
secret elmo: you i didn't even have a ONS with
Yannika babyyeah: man
Yannika babyyeah: yeah but you want too
secret elmo: but i wanted you pretty badly
secret elmo: but anyways ok so we all feel pain, so what
secret elmo: i have learned something
secret elmo: from buddhism
secret elmo: buddhist treatises talk about "ignorant desire" as the source of suffering alot
secret elmo: alot of people suffer because they don't control the hopes they form
secret elmo: they hope and want and desire and need things they can't have
secret elmo: and it creates vicious cycles
secret elmo: if you learn to control your inner
secret elmo: your desires
secret elmo: your wants
secret elmo: and you perish a thought before it turns into an obsession
secret elmo: then you don't wind up being obsessed and going into thralls of despair and withdrawals
secret elmo: these same processes that used to torment me usually work in my favor now
Yannika babyyeah: so how do i control it?
Yannika babyyeah: oh got it
secret elmo: i notice girls experience it too
Yannika babyyeah: dont let it turn into an obsession
secret elmo: and so its actually easier to maintain multiple long term relationships
secret elmo: than it is to maintain one stable ideal relationship
secret elmo: because
secret elmo: if i ignore a girl who wants me
secret elmo: for 3 or 4 days
secret elmo: she starts to experience those thralls of despair and withdrawal
secret elmo: we are like drugs
secret elmo: you're like a drug
secret elmo: im like a drug
secret elmo: people can get addicted to us
secret elmo: if you constantly have access to a drug you want it less than if you don't have control over your access
secret elmo: anyways
secret elmo: ill let you do homeowkr
secret elmo: iuts my turn to play beer pong ;p
secret elmo: i miss you though i hope i see you in malibu ok
Yannika babyyeah: okay
Yannika babyyeah: this thing is usually always on so hit me up!!
Yannika babyyeah: its been a pleasure
Yannika babyyeah is away at 00:12:27.
Yannika babyyeah returned at 00:32:20.
Yannika babyyeah signed off at 01:17:29.
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