I don't know how to say this. I don't know how to post this. But im sure someone will find it....helpful

Simply life has been this thing I’ve struggled through. Also wondering what will come next, never planning, never receiving honest answers from myself. Struggling to make myself what I am, I always blamed my dad, myself, or even the people that didn’t like me. I’ve always wanted to be liked, wanted, needed, essentially… to feel good about myself. I regret not making others feel good about themselves. After two years of help from multiple places, I now see that my end goal could not be completed unless I gave away what I wanted. How can you like someone that never cared about you?

I used to go around life thinking, I am the most important person, without me, life wouldn’t exist because I wouldn’t be here to perceive it. That is true, but it’s a double edged sword. I would wonder to myself at night, why people don’t call me to hang out, why I don’t have a girlfriend to love me. Why do people never care about me… I would actually stop talking to people when the subject was off me, and I’ve been seeing that, my whole life, how it’s always about me…or something that can aid me. Then I’d wonder why people never liked me; why they never invited me. Now it seems all so vivid and stupid.


Honestly… I don’t want to go back and change it, because without this issue, I’d never know what I know today. I’d never have met the people I’ve met. I have my whole life to change what I would have done, and to change the life of thousands of people. You see I’ve come to the, epiphany that In order to get what I really want: Self gratification. I need to give others what they really want. Helping people is helping myself. It’s quite simple, even somewhere down the road of life some famous person said “In order to receive, one must first give.”


From now on… The changes that I will make will be tremendous, long lasting, and appreciated. From now on… when people tell me something about their life, I am truly interested, I truly care how their dog is, how they cook salmon stuffed with shrimp, how life is. The benefits from this are huge, great, and are what I want. I would never go back to change it… I will go forward to change you. This is my epiphany, my purpose, and my want. I help those, who need help, in order for them to help me.


“Your wants determine your needs.” - Guun Han

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"I will not go backward to change me, I will go forward to change you." Great line. Brilliant. I love it. Bravo.

Good luck to you on your journey. I can't wait to read more about your progress!

Q.

I can totally feel you on this man. For such a long time and even now sometimes i feel as though i'm autistic because i've either felt it was difficult to feel empathy towards others or to truly care about another's life. I find myself asking questions about someone's life but not really caring about the answers....the only questions i do care about are the few that i'm very close with. And i guess....i care about what they have to say because they have cared about what i had to say.

Yesterday i found myself talking with an ex-gf and i couldnt make myself care about what she was saying. This is my main problem i think with being a good listener is because i always feel that whatever i have to say is more interesting. And even as i say that, i can't help but think that. The amount of VALUE of say a topic about sports in comparison to a psychological "reason" of why someone acted the way he/she did is not even in the same ballpark. Instead of asking someone "what sports team do they like" i would think that a question of more VALUE is "what made you like that sports team".

Most conversations take place with only on the surface shit ...."i like rap". After that instead of asking "what artists do you like?" i most likely will ask "why do you like rap?"(psychological).

Now since i ask these types of questions...MOST people have never even thought about WHY they like it ....the response is "i just do". This is probably why i have a hard time caring what people have to say because it's all on the surface shit. Maybe i'm just bullshitting myself....but i think the MAJORITY of people(maybe 95% of the people i've met in my life) are boring and shallow......this might be why i can't help but not care what they have to say. Kind of a rant....but any thoughts would be interesting.

I know what you mean gay, it's a struggle and i'm happy you've broke through it....i don't know if i'll ever be able to say the same.

i understand where you are coming from and in fact it actually truly annoys me to the point of becoming a petpeeve of mine. This is possibly why i say things random to gage a true reaction but most of the times they are a reaction of what are you doing? why did you skip this step in the order of laws which govern our world and tell us how to act? you were not suppose to say that you truly think that on this day you look pretty for no nother reason then simply saying this. but whatever. i dunno

i do however am begining to coem to learn that the more you see life through other peoples eyes, the more you take time to take a look. The more you realize that people are not shallow and that people are indeed quite unique. Then these responses begin to make sense.

Congrats on the epiphany man, makes you feel like a million bucks when you come to a good one like that. I completely love that you're seeing the value of other people's realities to them and that helping others and giving them what they want, will come back 'round and benifit you in the end. A skill you will learn if you stay true to that ideal, is that you can get others to WANT to help you, by fulfilling their needs, such as giving them someone to help, showing your own vulnerablitities and stroking their egos as well as helping to achieve their goals.

Check out the thread you posted earlier and you'll find that I recommended some books that will give you the tools to improve your skill in those areas, as well as many others. 3 books that I consider required reading.

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"The 'Brick Walls' are there to allow you to prove how badly you want something!" ~ Randy Pausch

~ Rye