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Thanks a lot guys, and to fin. I think u just hit the nail on the head. I dont think it is actually what she said that made me feel like this, as you know because of my hillarious injury i havent been able to play basketball for over a month now, or do any cycling or swimming...... those are 3 of my main pass times (in that order) and also like all exercise make you feel better. I think without those, and with not being able to go out much for the time i was in hospital and stuff i just started to feel shit.
Problem is i want to avoide this happening again, there will always be times when i am thrown out of my life routine and hell, i can cope with being a little sad or whatever when i have a reason but just for no reason really doesnt seem right.
Either way i got a day 2 with my slight oneites case *slaps self for oneites* I just want to make sure it goes smooth. It was a huge ego boost aswell though, she is an international athlete and has told every other guy no in her life to bugger off, and there is no shortage of guys who want her (and trust me, she is one of the most amazing women i have meet).
Anyway though, any other good advice or tehniques for inner game would be brilliant
/madals
I'm glad you've realised what has lead you to this point.
As Fin pointed out, we are creatures that are in very large part controlled by our emotions. We are NOT the truly logical, reasoning beings that we like to view ourselves as, that's the hard truth. Everything you do is governed by your emotions, by your fears, by your desires, by your desire to avoid pain and discomfort and by your desire to feel pleasure. When I speak of pleasure and pain, I mean it in the same way that Tony Robins speaks of in Awaken The Giant Within; there are varying levels of pleasure and pain, from as slight as wanting to enjoy a good meal, to craving sex with an amazing woman and similarly pain can be anything from the discomfort of being rejected, to having your leg broken. Pain and pleasure are more than just physical, they are mental, they are emotional and they are in large part conceptual (you decide what causes you pain or pleasure).
If you break your leg (as you did) and you're in a great deal of physical pain, there's really nothing you can do about it aside from take medication, yet that doesn't mean that you have to agonize over the situation and feel emotional pain over not being able to play basketball, or whatever else. You are able to reframe the world as you see it and decide that although you are in a crappy situation you would prefer not to be in, you will make the best out of it and find a way to take advantage of your condition to improve yourself, or do something else that will give you pleasure, thus removing that pain. You are also able to determine what gives you pleasure in life; if you've ever been into working out and excercising, you are familiar with the physical sensations associated with working muscles out. Some people consider working out to be quite painful and they don't enjoy it, they avoid it as much as possible, whereas other people associate the pain of working muscles out, with the growth they are achieving, the fact that they are becoming stronger, getting in better shape and will ultimately feel much healthier, thus they have associated that pain with something they like and now they view it as pleasureable.
That whole premise is taken directly from Tony Robins as I've been reading that book lately and I can identify, as I've been getting back into shape and although I wake up every morning feeling sore and I pretty much feel sore all day, I am enjoying the feeling, because I rememeber back in highschool when I would work out 3 times a week and after a couple weeks that constant pain went away and it was only right when I was working out. I know that that pain will cause my fat to dissappear and my muscles to grow again. I view that physical sensation as proof that I'm achieving my goals. Now this seems pretty unrelated to what you're dealing with I'm sure, but this is merely a concept and concepts are able to be applied to any situation that they fit, so when you start examining yourself, why you feel the way you do, then you can find places to apply it.
You say that since you've been out of commission with your leg, you haven't been able to do all those activities and excercises that you derive pleasure from (sounds like you view working out in that same light) and so you started to feel like shit. Well, you have control over what you find enjoyment out of, so find other ways to give yourself similar pleasures.
For instance, as you know, I'm a PUA, I derive pleasure from interacting with women, although I don't view it the same as many guys, I enjoy the game, I enjoy the interaction and take cerebral pleasure from it. My goal isn't just to fuck hot women, it's to find women that I can relate to, that relate to me and that I can interact on the same level with; sex is a secondary goal for me, although one that I do desire and if I were able to find more women that I was attracted to, then I would defininely have a lot more sex and want a lot more sex.
I had a big upheaval in my life over the past 2-3 months and I've had to cope with it in various ways, redifining what gives me pleasure and pain in order to not become unhappy from how much my life has changed. I used to get out to clubs 2-4 times a week in order to go interact with women, but for over a month I haven't even been to a club one night. This was a huge change for me, this completely altered how I saw myself, how I interacted with the world, how I derived pleasure from life, but instead of letting it get to me (alright, I let it get to me for a while, but let's focus on how I dealt with it
) I found enjoyment in flirting with the female employees in stores I go to, places I've worked, customers where I work and even just random people I come into contact with in my daily travels. I decided that with this extra time and focus I have that isn't directed at sarging, I would get back into shape, which is something I have wanted to do for a long time, but never got truly serious about it, but now I take pleasure in not doing many things during the day because I am walking all over the place burning calories, regaining stamina and strengthening my muscles. I'm sorting out everything that has gotten a little off track due to my focus being directed elsewhere in my life and it's nice to get it all well ordered and taken care of so that it is no longer burdening my subconscious and adding stress to my life. A lot of those things had been causing me pain, so I found ways to make them give me pleasure.
You have all sorts of things in your life (everybody does), that you have been putting off, that you haven't been focusing on, that have been bugging you, or maybe that you just took for granted and pushed to the back of your mind. Generally that's why every few months, when you take a look inward and assess yourself, you discover areas that aren't congruent with the frame you have built for yourself and your inner game falls apart a bit. This happens to everyone in varying degrees, the more stuff that isn't how you want it, the more your frame breaks. So, in order to regain your frame, you end up focussing on those things, you find ways to derive pleasure from getting them in order and pain from not getting them done, until you accomplish what you set out to.
The trick, is to try and not get into that habit of letting it go several months, with a rock solid frame that makes you THINK that you are where you want to be, but not actually being there, the trick is to constantly assess who you are, where you came from, where you are a going and take steps to move towards that. Don't wait until you look around and realise you are unhappy with stuff and you have to get it done, or else it's a big deal. Leaving things a long time only makes the task harder to accomplish usually and often you'll find that instead of 1 thing to accomplish, you've got several! Constantly assess yourself, find pleasure in the things you are doing well, the things that you are achieving that you want to and find pain in stopping that proccess. Figure out what else in your life needs to be accomplished, what would give you greater pleasure, or reduce your pain and then ramp up those emotions,
increase your pain and pleasure you derive from those things, until you can no longer wait until a few months and you hit that breaking point, make it so that you have to achieve them NOW!
Trust me, if you are feeling down because of the things in your life that you derived pleasure from not being there anymore, you're now feeling pain. So find a way to derive pleasure from your current situation and you'll feel right as rain.
CHAT
