I would like to learn from my mistakes. But I can't find the right answer for this situation. If anybody can spit some words of wisdom about this and a solution to the problem it would help me learn something.

I was in a LTR of 2 years. It ended a month ago and although I'm fine with it being over because I am a better person now, I can't seem to figure out what I could've done to save it. I want to prevent it from happening again.

Things were rocky, they were bad. She a total bitch to me towards the end and thats literally why it ended. I tried hard to make it work. I did freeze outs and takeaways, I would pull afterwards but it just resulted in the same thing: her acting like a bitch too me. We didn't have sex, she told me she was happy with the way things were. It doesn't make sense to me even to this day because I wasn't happy at all and I am a very tolerant person. There was no more chemistry, there was no more attraction. And it all started like a snowball, a little fight led up too a bigger one. We didn't even kiss. Enough about how bad it was.

But when things get to that point how do you save it? Because until a month before it ended she was madly in love with me. We were both madly in love with each other and in just a day it turned so foul. It makes me sad to think that something so beautiful went so wrong. I don't want it to happen again.

This isn't some bullshit pick up either, it was a 2 year LTR full of passion. Any LTR guru's with an answer?

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I'm addicted to facing my fears.

I actually don't think I can help you too well on this one, Beschatten. When I was in the position you are in now, the "solution" I decided to subscribe to was just to not do relationships anymore. Maybe it's a mistake and maybe I'm just limiting my options, but I'm doing pretty OK with it so far.

However, there is one thing I can tell you that may help. In all my experiences with girls and in all my efforts to achieve self-actualization and enlightenment, I've realized something about that compassionate loving feeling between you and the girl you've got your arms around.

That feeling can only exist in present tense. If you try to assign that feeling a place in the future, or if you try to find evidence of its footprints in the past, it's going to disappear in the present, and it'll surely disappear from the future, almost as if it never existed in the past. I think, that to breed that feeling, to strengthen that connection in a relationship, you must keep your focus on the great feelings of compassion and passion of the now, and so should your partner.

It's almost like a metaphor for life. If we're just thinking of the past, we'll just keep living in it, stuck in a cycle. If we're worrying about the future, like obsessing over death, over the end, we'll never open our eyes to the now that's in front of us. Only when we start enjoying life now can we be happy.

So, my shoddy relationship advice to you is this: don't try to "save" it. Just start enjoying what you two have together at the very moment you're living it. I think it'll make the two of you happier in the relationship, and, ultimately, it's going to save it. The Taoists call this concept Wu Wei, which means "do without doing."

Hm. I guess I can try relationships again.

...after I graduate from college.

When things get platonic can't you bring out those old passionate feelings by reminding the person of powerful memories where they felt that feeling with you? It allows her to break down her platonic "shield", no?

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I'm addicted to facing my fears.

bah.

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I'm addicted to facing my fears.

All the reminding in the world couldn't have saved an LTR that I had for about the same period of time. She too became a huge bitch most of the time and I found myself getting yelled at because the wind was blowing too hard into my cell phone while I was talking to her or because I bought the wrong type of spaghetti sauce.

In the beginning of the relationship I never supplicated and I made sure that she knew I could walk at any moment. One incident in particular sealed this pretty well in her mind and things were great. But after two years you start to lose the energy to deal with the threats and the fights. I started letting stuff go and waiting for it to blow over because I didn't feel like arguing.

If there's any way to save an LTR it's to maintain your value. After two years a person knows all the details about you and has had time to discover some of your low value aspects. Then it's no big deal for them to start thinking that they have higher value, that they're wasting their time with you, that they could do better, etc.

That makes perfect sense.

My absolute sympathy Cloth&Swagger, I know exactly how you felt for getting yelled at bc of the wind or spaghetti sauce. My fucking God right?
I got yelled at for asking a simple question like, "Did you work today?".

So basically I didn't fuck up the last month, I've been fucking up. The entire time I was slowly shredding my value by letting certain things (that I normally don't allow) go. It got to a point where she felt like I was some robot in her life that was there for her and her only. It gets to a point where what I feel and what I care about doesn't matter to her because I am lower than her, therefore I am not important.

However at that point I do feel like you could make an excellent comeback. You could do a bigtime freeze and make her jealous by hanging out with other girls. Ask for a break or confront her with an ultimatum "You can either drop the bitch attitude or get the fuck out of my life. I don't NEED you nor do I WANT someone that's going to treat me like this". This regains some face IMO and either path she takes you get your balls back. Usually they come crawling back once they realize their loss.

IDK I just made all this up in my head so it's just theory but it sounds legit.

Don't ya think?

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I'm addicted to facing my fears.

You're right, once it gets to a certain point the only thing you can do is try to put a stop to it with an ultimatum. The problem is, the longer you let it go on the more threatening and serious the ultimatum has to be. Also, the longer you let it go on the more she's going to think that you won't follow through with the ultimatum.

I have a buddy who has a girlfriend that, in most respects is cool, but has something weird going on with her ex. He tells me that she deletes her chat histories with him but he's caught a few where she'd said things like "I love you" and other things to her ex. This came to a boiling point when she took a "shopping trip" with her mom to the same town that this ex lives in.

My friend asked me for advice and I told him that he had to put his foot down. You can't talk it out with them because they'll cry, accuse you of not trusting them, and beat you to the ultimatum punch by telling you to get over it or they'll leave. Of course, he didn't put his foot down. The problem has blown over for now but in the future it's going to come back and be even more serious, requiring an even firmer ultimatum that's less likely to work.

All the ultimatum is doing is reaffirming higher value. It's saying "I have high value and if you don't agree to my terms I'm alright with not being with you." Easier said than done.

Well, if they tell you to accept the relationship on their terms or they'll leave... Let them leave.

What is the point of having a relationship where you cannot feel comfortable and be yourself. A relationship is about mutual understanding and feelings.
If she complains that you dont trust her just say... Well you dont, why would you, if she has nothing to hide why get upset.
How bad do you want to keep a girl? Is it worth wasting time on someone who does not respect you and you have no future with?

An excellent point. Let the bitch leave. Like I said before she'll come crawling back. It's how theyre programmed.

And as for your friend? The fuck is wrong with him? She's saying I love you too her ex and she takes shopping trips to the same town.

I can tell you for a fact she's fucking him. BC my ex did that to me while she had a bF and I fucked her.

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I'm addicted to facing my fears.

He's an AFC type. This is his first girlfriend and he doesn't want to make waves. He'll know better next time around, but right now he thinks if he does put his foot down she'll leave. It seems unfathomable I know, but once you get comfortable with someone, especially in a first relationship, putting all of it on the chopping block is hard.

And yes I agree, there is something going on with her and her ex.

My God introduce him to the community. At least show him this post lol. He's getting his balls viced and if this shit can't get him to snap out of his reality then he needs to get his life prioritized. How could he let another person degrade him to such a level.

Anyways, I wonder more about your relationship of two years, What happened? Did you put an end to it through an ultimatum or did you stop caring and you both went your seperate ways?

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I'm addicted to facing my fears.

Around the one year point I stopped maintaining some of my value and started tolerating some of her bitchiness just because I didn't have the time or energy to deal with it.

It snowballed and for a long time instead of giving ultimatums I tried to discuss it on a logical level (ie she refused to talk to me for an entire day because I called her 15 minutes earlier than she asked and woke her up. I asked if she realized how crazy she was being and she said she didn't care.) Around that point I realized it was done with, she threatened to leave and I said I'd save her the trouble and we split ways.

My God. You two broke up because you called her 15 minutes early? Did she try and maintain a friendship with you afterwards?

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I'm addicted to facing my fears.

Well there is a time when a relationship is officially over and there is a time when it is practically over. I would say that the wakeup call was just an excuse to end something that had been over for quite some time.

I learned that to sleep with, live with and date someone does not mean that you are in fact in a real relationship.

Man all this stuff sounds so depressing yet rejuvenating.
I was in a 3 year relationship with a girl that I thought was too good for me the whole time throughout. I was such an AFC, she walked all over me, broke up with me plenty of times, then would comeback.

We lost our virginity together, then while we were on a break, we kept talking and such, and she fucked this guy I hated the night after I fucked her, and she didn't tell me for months. But I still took her back, then we went on another break, and she had sex with some other dude, and I took her back again but under strict circumstances that she could not comply with, so I told that bitch off and changed my number, and haven't heard from or talked to the bitch since. I was so depressed, I got in to drugs wanted to die, and stayed in my house for weeks, and didn't eat. Then I stayed with my brother in Utah for a while, and when I came back I was clean. Except I drink and smoke occasional pot. But before I would do things to forget, now I drink to have fun with friends, not to forget.

She really fucked up my confidence and everything to go along with it. Then I heard about PUA, and decided this is where I need to be. Its a plan and a pact to never let events like these happen to me again, because I can read a girl inside and out, and play her little games. I don't care how many girls I sleep with, just as long as I dont get fucked over again