Ok, this is an e-mail I sent to this guy Dwayne, who is helping some movement called True Forced Loneliness. This e-mail I wrote however will help solve all your problems in life (in my opinion). Everything is explained in this article. Its a very deep article and worth a good read.
It's great because it talks about what ELSE you need to do BEFORE you start going out and pua'ing. And it offers great tips on how to go about learning this type of stuff.
The video I'm responding to can be seen here:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OsSr5Hpghvc
I'm no PUA. I've got good Inner Game, but I'm learning Outer game as we speak. I have learned however great life lessons in such a short time, and I want to share these with you all. Its long, but it will change your life. PROMISE. Enjoy:
Hey,
I’ve watched a few of your videos. I guess because I find it interesting, and it helps me with what I can improve on within myself.
You don’t have to accept anything what I’m going to say, this is just stuff for you to maby think about. I will be referring to things specifically said in "The Reasons Why I Feel Frustrated, Hurt & Angry Living T.F.L"
This isn't a quick fix. This is long-term self improvement. Keep that in mind. If you choose to take this advice, it won't happen over night. You will have struggles along the way. You will go backwards at certain points. Its part of the process. This whole thing might take you as long as a year, or even longer But...at the end of it all, you'll have an almost perfect life. Isn't that what you really want?
But...IT TAKES WORK. it won't just come to you, you've gotta make the decision to yourself "ok...i'm going to improve not just my skills with women...but my whole LIFE". And you specifically Dwayne (is that how you spell it?) need to take this advice because I know you can transform yourself completely.
I am currently in my own process of Self-Development. I'm reasonably happy, I'm confident within myself, I have friends and people I can have fun with, now I'm working on actually attracting girls (which I can be ok at sometimes, but I'd like to be better, like any guy lol).
So, I'm not here to teach you how to attract girls, coz I'm learning that myself.
But I am writing to tell you how to be a happier person, coz I think you have deeper problems than attracting women.
There was an incredibly famous psychologist called Abraham Maslow. He created a pyramid of human hierachy needs. Have a look:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maslow's_h ... y_of_needs
I'll assume you're basic human needs of breathing, food, drink, sleep are being met.
The next level of human needs is security. This should be the first thing you work on if you hope to become a happier person.
These are all your PERSONAL issues. Are you in debt? Is your job shit and dead-end? Do you suffer from stress? Is your house messy and disgusting? Are you being abused physically or emotionally? Are you suffering from depression?
This is the first thing you need to concentrate on. Fuck reading all that pua shit. Fuck building a lifestyle. Fuck everything else, until you get this sorted.You simply can't progress if you don't follow the order of the pyramid, and Maslow said that himself!
For me, my main issue was failing University (yes, I'm a little younger than you lol). I'm still getting that sorted now, should have it all done soon, but my god....no woman in the world could have made me feel better than when I decided to get all of that sorted, and when I knew it'd all be ok. I also had a difficult home situation, in which my mother, who has recently become disabled, was taking up all my emotional space, since i always had to be there for her. This in turn, further fucked up my university situation, and amplified my stress and depression levels. These are MY security issues. What am I doing about it?
-I'm getting all my assignments and shit done. I'm doing this first coz its more urgent.
-Once I've done that, I'm organising a system whereby other people can help look after her (there are other people in the house).
Basically at this level, you're not dealing with failing to attract women, not having any friends, not having hobbies. You're dealing with the security of your life, and ANY big shit weighing you down.
But anyway, that's your first mission. You should be smart enough to figure out on your own exactly what these big things in your life are, and trust me, if you WILL have some of them if you look hard enough, and you'll notice such a drastic change in yourself once you get it sorted. DON'T EVEN GO ANY FURTHER WITH DEVELOPING YOURSELF UNTIL YOU GET THIS SORTED OUT!!!!!
The next level Maslow argues of human needs are friendship, family, sexual intimacy.
This is what you're talking about in all of your videos, and primarily about sexual intimacy.
Let's make a pyramid within a pyramid. I personally believe that within these 3 human needs, the most important one is family, then close friends, then sexual intimacy.
In your video, you said that you "don't have any friends there"
stop stop stop stop STOP!!!!!! LET'S STOP RIGHT THERE!!!!!!!
Let's assume you don't have any family in contact with you.
You working on attracting women (ie sexual intimacy), but first you have to work on FAMILY AND FRIENDS because it is at a DEEPER LEVEL.
Sorry mate, there's no fucking way around this one.
I'll give you an example: You can't learn Calculus in Maths, if you can't add and subtract in the first place, can you?
Learn to add and subtract first, then you can start learning Calculus. Man I love metaphors lol.
ie, once you're at this stage, you're NOT WORKING ON ATTRACTING WOMEN. Not yet. You're working on having lots of friends you can go to bbq's with, go to the movies with, go to their house and just hang out, ring up and just have stupid conversations where the two of you just laugh at nothing. You know what I'm talking about, all those little things we can take for granted with friends.
If you can't see your family for whatever reason, that's fine. Best mates can almost take the place of them anyway. But, PLEASE do work on seeing your family more, and having a good relationship with them if you can!
Now...how do you make friends?
Well, first try through the people you work with.
If not, get some hobbies and join some social clubs. Here are a list of hobbies if you really can't think of anything:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_hobbies
LOL you can find ANYTHING on wikipedia, how funny's that!
There's a fucking shitload of hobbies there, so you WILL be able to find something that appeals to you. Its really important you LOVE your hobby-coz when it boils down to it, the thing which will keep you doing your hobby will be your love of it, not the people. And while you're loving your hobby, you'll naturally be making friends out of it. If the people suck, then join another club but keep the hobby. If the hobby sucks but the people are great, you're not really much better off either, coz you'll drive away the people who DO enjoy the hobby coz you're always complaining about it. There are INFINITE numbers of people you can be friends with, so find a hobby you LOVE and with GREAT people.
You want to go over to friends' places and hang out?
Well, join a cooking class, start talking to someone and make friends with them, then invite them over some time so you can practice a new dish you made.
Or join a chess club, make friends with someone there, then invite them over to your place to play a game of chess and maby have pizza or something.
Or join a drama club and invite your collegues over to practice for the upcoming performance.
Keep in mind, when choosing a hobby, you want one which you meet lots of people with, and which you meet maby at least twice a week. I reckon you need to see people twice a week to REALLY be able to start being friends with them. If you see them just once a week, they're more likely to be someone you "just know".
I don't know, but look through that list and find a few hobbies which appeal to you, then get your arse on the internet and find out some places or clubs which you can join. This is the most important part: finding something you like, and just DOING IT. I reckon if you have 2 hobbies which you meet people, and which the hobby itself makes you happy, you'll notice a HUGE difference in your happiness!
Making friends is much easier than attracting women, and you won't get so emotionally hurt if you fail. I hope you're making sense of all of this.
So...you've sorted out your Personal Security problems and you're feeling much happier about your personal situation. You have some hobbies which you fucking love and know lots of people and have lots of friends.
You are NOW ready to learn to attract women.
i.e. to start the sexual intimacy part.
...but guess what?
In this process, you may have found yourself inadvertently in a relationship.
Why?
Because this is what women look for in a guy as relationship material.
You don't have any major shit weighing you down in life, you're a happy person, you have lots of friends and hobbies.
It's true, this is what women are looking for, and you may find yourself dating a girl without having spent a SECOND learning how to attract them! Your lifestyle did all that work for you!
All in all, you're ALREADY a happy person, and she is just a NICE ADDITION TO YOUR LIFE.
This is VASTLY different to your current attitude, which seems to be RELYING on women to make you happy.
FUCK THAT!!!!!!!!! WHY WAIT FOR A WOMAN TO MAKE YOU HAPPY WHEN YOU CAN GO OUT AND START DOING IT YOURSELF?
But...I am aware that you may still not be in a relationship at this stage. But, you are now ready to start learning.
What I've quickly discovered with this seduction community is that it doesn't make things clear enough.
To get into a relationship with a woman, you need 3 things (in order of importance):
Lifestyle, Inner Game, Outer Game.
You've already done your lifestyle, now let's start on your inner game.
But what is this inner game and outer game shit anyway?
Here's my take on it:
Inner game is how you FEEL about yourself. How confident you are about yourself. Whether you actually give a SHIT what women think of you. How much EMOTIONAL BAGGAGE you have. Your perspectives on life. How emotionally stable you are.
Outer game is how you PRESENT yourself. How you dress. What you say when you approach women. How you use your body language. How you use your voice tone. Time contraints, DHVing, AMOGing, 7 hour rule, Negging, N-Closes, K-closes...
shit i could go on FOREVER with these FUCKING OUTER GAME TECHNIQUES!
Its a FACT:
that if you have GREAT INNER GAME, you're CONFIDENT WITHIN YOURSELF, you SIMPLY DON'T CARE WHETHER SHE'S ATTRACTED TO YOU, etc etc,
that women will be attracted to you. You can have the shittest outter game ever, but you will still find that a FAIR FEW women will still be attracted to you!
If you have great outter game, but shocking inner game, you will be caught out.
let me repeat that: you WILL BE CAUGHT OUT.
you can't keep faking it...you just can't. there WILL be a point where you will show your TRUE self, and she'll RUN.
Now, how do you work on your inner game?
Ok, so you need to work on your insecurities first, not with women, but with yourself.
If you have psychological problems, see a psychologist.
-Was there a significant tragic event in your past that you didn't deal with properly?
-Do you have insecurities about how people perceive you as a person, and your looks?
blah blah blah, basically everything which you're not happy about with yourself.
THIS IS SO IMPORTANT OMG!!! make sure you've FULLY dealt with your self-image issues and emotional baggage issues first.
Once you've done that, THEN you can work on your insecurities with women:
(just quickly, have you noticed the PATTERN? FIRST you deal with issues relating to YOURSELF, THEN to deal with issues relating to WOMEN. This is because it should always be about YOU FIRST, THEN women).
-Are you scared they'll shut you down without you even being given a chance?
-Do you secretly think she'll laugh at you when you go over and talk to her?
-Are you worried she won't ever find you sexually attractive?
there are wayyyyyy too many issues here to point out...and i'm not qualified to help you fix them.
Get a copy of David DeAngelo's "Advanced Series" and learn about Limiting Beliefs and how to reframe. He can teach you much better than I can.
And, get Hypnotica's "Ultimate Inner Game". There's one 2 part exercise, in the first DVD, called "limiting belief exercise", and the second part "positive belief exercise". Those two alone have almost completely solved my inner game issues. I'm not being paid by these guys by the way, and there might be other good stuff out there too which I'm not aware of, but for me these exercises they taught me have made such a profound impact.
But yeah, work on your inner game with some of these programs. Don't turn to me for this, turn to them.
Once you feel your inner game is going great, then you can work on your outer game.
THIS is where the pua community is useful. Incredible isn't it? This is the last step in the process, but its all the pua community ever talks about.
Let me also explain this:
There are 2 parts to man/woman interactions when it comes to the "game". There's the courtship phase, and the relationship phase.
The courtship phase is the period from when a man and woman first meet, to when they both decide to get into a relationship with one another.
This is normally the first 3 or so months.
The pua community teaches you how to successfully conquer the courtship part of the interaction.
The best book I've read on UNDERSTANDING the courtship period is The Mystery Method. But I don't really agree with using fake stories to attract girls. But everything else in there is pretty damn effective when used correctly. It's dangerous coz it doesn't teach how to deal with inner game issues, rather to "fake it till you make it". As i said before, you WILL eventually be caught out.
Mystery, although he is the best at attracting and seducing women, according to many people, can't maintain a relationship. Perhaps because he hasn't dealt with his inner self. (This is an OPINION, not a FACT, so I'm not breaking any laws here).
But really, there are so many different ways to conquering outer game. There's natural game, direct game, blah blah blah. Find someone who's really good at outer game and learn from them. If you get desperate, take a dating workshop and they can teach you (that's my backup plan).
For outer game, all you need is a game plan. Any of these outer game things will work if you have good inner game. I don't think it really matters that much, just try heaps of stuff till you find something which works. There's mystery method, MeHow, Zan Perrion, Lance Mason, Carlos Xuma, Juggler. and there are HEAPS more. Follow the techniques closely enough, and combined with your lifestyle and inner game, you'll be a babe-magnet.
And why is outer game important?
Because everyone has a social self, and a real self.
It teaches you how to break through the social self, and bring out their real self.
Let me give you an example:
If a salesman comes up to you and yells HERE BUY THIS, and you've had a THOUSAND of these salespeople annoying you that day, and he does it plainly and boldly without hiding his intention, you're going to tell him to fuck off. Although you like buying things, you've got places to be, and he did it all in the wrong way.
However, if he comes up to you, says "i need your opinion very quickly on something, but i have to go in 2 minutes", you're going to think, ah ok. He just wants my opinion and he'll fuck off in no time. No worries. Then that leads to a little bit of talking, you both share a laugh or two, you tell each other stories. THEN he "very naturally" brings the product to your attention. You're much more likely to listen to him now, and potentially buy it, ALL BECAUSE HE DID IT IN THE RIGHT WAY.
Same thing with women.
If you start hitting on a woman straight away, she'll get annoyed. She's been hit on a SHIT load already, and she can't be fucked right now. This is her social self telling YOUR social self to go away.
If you ask her opinion quickly while telling her you have to go in 2 minutes, then you lead into some conversation, then you share a joke and a laugh, guess what? You have a MUCH BETTER CHANCE of getting her phone number, and maby a date!
You talk about getting rejected over and over and over and over....
part of this is your inner game issues
and the girls you've approached who are strangers, its your outter game techniques letting you down.
If you go up to a girl, and say, "Hello, how are you?" and she says "fuck off, i don't date losers", how can that possibly be an attack on yourself? She hasn't even talked to you...she hasn't gotten to know you...she knows NOTHING ABOUT YOU AT ALL, IT SIMPLY CAN NOT BE AN ATTACK ON THE PERSON YOU TRULY ARE. It's simply an attack on the way you approached her, NOT THE PERSON YOU ARE. You were just the salesman who did a shit approach to a customer. ok? good.
Now, i have to make some comments on your views about David DeAngelo.
No, he's not a scam artist.
He's just really shit at teaching outer game. But he's not bad at teaching inner game.
I mean, for fuck sake. You can't use cocky and funny if you approach her poorly and she tells you to get lost.
In David's defence, he does explain these things in Double Your Dating, and he does have a body language programme too, but I'd like to see him put more EMPHASIS on getting past the social person of women so you can USE these techniques.
I wouldn't be where I am today without him, but he needs to tell people that his areas of expertise are inner game and conversational tips (and also to an extent, body language). The actual approach and first few minutes, and the whole M3 model is best explained by mystery (in my opinion!!!)
Don't concentrate on online dating, you don't really need it. Post a profile, check it every week or so, and if someone interesting comes along, meet up with them. It should NOT be the main way you meet women.
The MAIN way you meet women should be through your lifestyle. That is through your hobbies, through work, and friends of friends. Guess what? Meet women this way, and you won't even have to worry about the approach, then DAVID'S STUFF IS FUCKING DYNAMITE!
But, when it comes to STRANGERS, the APPROACH is probably MORE IMPORTANT THAN ANYTHING! Strangers should be your secondary way of meeting women, your back up way. It gets to be too much effort to continually approaching woman after woman after woman, getting her to stop what she's doing, and getting her phone number, and setting up a date, blah blah blah.
Using the LIFESTYLE method, you'll be seeing her over and over anyway. So you don't have to worry about getting a date with her RIGHT AWAY (like you do with strangers). Also, you don't have to worry so much about the approach. I'm very much pro-lifestyle!!
Ok that's it from me, you know what you have to do. It's all up to you, and its easily within your grasp. If you think this will help other people, then PLEASE do share it with them. If i get really good at picking up girls (which i almost certainly will), i will never teach people JUST to get good at picking up. I will teach them how to improve THEMSELVES.
“If you can’t find a way, make one”
Note: EVERYTHING said here is purely the opinion of the author, and not a statement of fact.
CHAT