In my time in this community, I've gotten to know a fair number of women. I've also met an incomprehensibly large number of aspiring pickup artists – I've discovered old friends who were 'into this', met wingmen on the internet and accidentally recognized a myriad of odd-dressed guys in various bars, who always responded with a conspirational smile to my question 'does the name Mystery mean anything to you?'.
For any guy who was respectably good at the Game I've briefly met a dozen who never got anywhere. Since I started teaching beginners, I have put a lot of thought into what differentiates the successful pickup artist from those who never leave rAFC-land. A brilliant post by Amano Jack (
http://amanojack.your-japan.com/post/22/434) pushed me the right direction, but I wanted a real specific answer. If I only had five minutes to explain to someone what I think is the key determinant of success, I wouldn't want to say 'inner game' and let them figure out the rest on their own. Undisputably, all the amazing pickup artists I've met had a strong sense of their reality and knew that they alone defined it – but how did they get there?
In anything you pursue, it's key to first set yourself a target. Second – recognize the means that will get you there in the shortest amount of time. But the third piece - answering the question of 'What is it that drives me? What is my motor for action?' - gets overlooked by 99% of the population.
Frankly – in the very beginning – most of us have the same motivation for mastering pickup: frustration. We are (or in some cases, were) called Average Frustrated Chumps for a reason. Not always, but very often, the beginner simply seeks validation. He's not had that much success in the past and has to prove to himself that things can change. This frustration isn't necessarily bad – after all, it helped the guy discover this community – but most guys driven by frustration alone tend to focus on what the successful members of the community deem irrelevant: the openers, killer routines, DHV stories memorized word-for-word. Those help, but any PUA worth his salt will tell you that this is only the tip of the iceberg. In case you haven't already, I urge you to read Amano Jack's post again.
So a lot of guys get into the community seeking validation – they want other people to think they are 'the shit' when it comes to dating. This can be displayed in giving unsolicited dating advice to non-community members, spending more time on the forums to get approval from other members, spicing up the details of a field report, bragging about 'perfect sets' to their wings which they 'decided not to close' for whatever reason – the list goes on. And in case you're wondering, yes, I am guilty of ALL of the above.
But the validation-fuelled rAFC rarely becomes good enough to claim the status of a true PUA. The mindset just isn't there. The focus is not where it should be. So to give you my take on the problem, I'll need to answer two seemingly unrelated questions.
First – why does pickup work? Why do we use push-pull, hoops, kino escalation, NLP, value demonstrations, qualification, negs, C&F, conspiracies, role-plays, microloops, freeze-outs or my personal favorite 'the caveman'?
Because women enjoy it. That's what lies at the very core of pickup. We are not manipulating herds of women into our bedrooms. We give them the memories that they will cherish forever, memories which make them crave more of what we provide, memories which will keep them coming back for more.
Which pretty much gives away the answer to the second question – if a photographer takes pictures and a musician makes songs, what does a pickup artist create?
He creates an experience. Every sarge is an incredible journey for the woman. To quote Mystery, 'it is a privilege to be sarged by a true pickup artist'. Damn straight, gentlemen, because she will have never experienced what you are training to give her. Her memories are your art.
This brings me to the fuel of a successful pickup artist. He does not go out to score, get lays or validation from his wingmen. He goes out and day by day, set by set, gives women incredible experiences. In this, he strives for perfection – not just for his, but for her enjoyment.
The successful PUA aims to get an understanding of the woman's psyche not in an attempt to manipulate her, but to determine which tool in his vast arsenal will give her an even better experience. Imagine – there exists a secret community of hundreds of thousands of men, dedicated solely to giving women the romantic fantasy they thought only happened on the silver screen.
So the successful guy is driven by the desire to create a once-in-a-lifetime memory just for her. It is a drive which is never satiated, a drive which does not allow him to quit, a drive that continuously demands improvement. Exactly the kind of drive you need to become good at anything. This has been repeatedly hammered into your head, but I hope that now you have a better grasp of what specifically I mean when I say that the successful guy is a VALUE GIVER.
And the value giver that I am, I will point you to a great resource I stumbled upon completely by accident. There's plenty of material on attraction and comfort building, but the techniques used in the final stage (often called 'seduction') are omitted in virtually every method I am familiar with. What do you do once in bed? It probably seems odd to seek the answer in a 'phone sex manual' by David Shade.
Apparently some guys are naturals at stacking and extending orgasms and even creating them by a simple command. I'm not. But this shit is learnable, and so far the ability to make the woman unable to walk after I'm done has been the greatest tool in my arsenal of routines, and nothing boosts your confidence more than knowing that you are in the chosen 1% of men who are able to maintain a woman's orgasm for as long as they please.
All this is what brings me to this day, when I officially consider myself a pickup artist. I am able to create an amazing experience for any woman I meet. That doesn't mean I don't ever crash and burn – I do. But now the tables have turned, and it's the girl who's missing out on something incredible. Not me.
Thank you to everyone who has helped me get here – the list is too long to write out here, but you all know who you are.
CHAT
