This is the most important piece of work I have written thus far and I urge you to read it in its entirety. Thank you

Out of the corner of my eye I saw the last thing that I wanted to see at that precise moment. Leaning over the railing in a cloud of smoke that dissapeared instantly against the backdrop of the lingering gloomy clouds I suddenly felt nothing but the burning of my throat. Talk about bad timing. As she rounded the patch of grass and started her acension to what I ironically knew would be hell for me in a couple seconds I heard her ask me, "What are you doing?" in a calm and steady voice.
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There's an old saying that if you want want to make God laugh then all you need to do is tell him your plans, and in this moment I couldn't help but smile and laugh a little on the inside. A couple days ago I contemplated the idea of telling my mother that I started smoking again when thinking about the type of life I want to live and the type of man that I want to be/am. The thought eventually led to the internal debate over whether or not some things are truely better left unsaid and I found myself feeling like an HB10 being pushed/pulled by a PUA mentally, unable to stay on one side of the fence of the arguement.

Trying to be a man of honesty and integrity I had to figure out if 'my' definition of lying envelops witholding the truth. The perspective I have been rasied with has viewed the subject under some rather harsh light that would make even Aphrodite look drab and ugly. The reasoning is simple- you are witholding the truth which is in turn deceiving and dishonest- which are practically polar opposites of what I value to be good in this world. The thing is though, life doesn't seem that black and white to me. All the choices I have made thus far in my life have bent the 'rules' in some shape or form. In the end, it seems like no matter what you try to do about it, you are always going to be hurting someone. But as I have recently found out, that doesn't have to be anymore...

For example, when a woman asks you if she looks good you have some options when it comes to responses. You could lie and tell her she looks good (assuming she doesn't in your eyes), tell the truth and tell her she doesn't look good, or you can completely ignore the question and move on. I have personally set the precedent of choosing A) lie and tell her she looks good to avoid confrontation. But when it comes down to it, it hurts me because I am lying; and it also hurts the relationship because we can't be completely honest with each other. Assuming I picked B) Tell her the truth, I run the risk of coming off as a pompous prick and hurting her feelings or making her feel self-conscious. That leaves us with the final option I gave, C) Ignore the question and move on. I first of all would like to thank the PU community for opening my eyes to this third option and the power of frame control as it has recently been the door I have opened when given the opportunity and without it I would have never come to the realization that I stumbled upon.

But first let me explain option A) You could lie and tell her she looks good when you think she doesn't. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and let me tell you, beauty is not all physical. True beauty is physical, emotional, spiritual and possibly other things as well. There is not ONE FUCKING WOMAN on this planet who doesn't have SOMETHING beautiful about them just waiting to be seen and loved. YOU SEE WHAT YOU WANT TO SEE! YOU SEE WHAT YOU ARE! Are you hurt? Are you insecure? If you are, which you are, which I am, then you need to be consciously aware in changing your focus from the negative to the positive in people and you will be surprised how differently you see things. Women are delicate flowers who can bloom and radiate with the slightest amount of care and rot with the slightest amount of neglect. And let me tell you, a radiant woman will give you so much energy and life that will help you along your journey to happiness and possibly enlightenment that nothing else in this world compares.

So if you choose to pick option A in the future, I'm telling you right now to go fuck yourself and to go find a nice cave to sit in where you can rot in your filth so you stop speading your plague of negativity and insecurity and hurt. It's not that I hate you. It is pretty much the exact opposite. I want to help you and by simply accepting it as everyone else has over your entire life it has done nothing but reinforce your behavior and I want you to wake up!

So now to explain option B) Tell her your percieved truth that she doesn't look good. Not really much more to say about this as I think you all know what I would say. Open your eyes, change your focus. They all look good, don't compare one woman to another, fuck your rating system, appreciate her for HER and what SHE brings to the table. And if you do that, you will find her to be extremely beautiful whatever she looks like or whatever she is wearing or no matter how little makeup she is wearing.

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"What am I doing?" I blurted out with as a self-defense mechanism to buy me more time to think about how I want to handle this possibly life changing situation. And when I say life changing I'm not talking about the possibility of my mother grounding me and changing the appearance of how I live my life; I'm talking about MY LIFE. I'm talking about who I am, and in this moment in time my subconscious or something larger then myself gave me the extra milisecond to realize that the way I was living my life before, unhonest when its easier then the alternative, was not the way it had to be. Right then I don't know what came over me and I followed the light of my intuition, took a deep breath, looked her in the eye, and then told her "I'm smoking" with confidence and calmness. I gave her the opportunity to accept me for who I was at that moment or to reject me and either way it didn't matter to me for I was completely honest and vulnerable with her. Although I would love to have her accept me, it is not the issue here.

and I felt free......................

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The third option, C) Completely ignore the question and move on can be the best or the worst door you choose to open, in my opinion, depending on your frame of mind and what you do afterwards. The Pick Up community views this as frame control. A girl asks you how good you think she looks and you know to change the question being in the community. You either change the question and/or ignore it leaving the woman felt as if she just got tooled and anchoring that to vulnerability- a dangerous combination. But first you must ask yourself, why do I need to change the question? Am I afraid to answer it? Am I afraid if by answering it, I won't get laid? Is that what I want from this girl? And the questions continue but don't really matter because if you look at the questions they all have something in common. Can you see it yet?

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She was 2 stairs from the top when I told her this and there was still another good 7 paces or so before she would reach me and the door. She looked me in the eye for what seemed like less then an instant and then raised her eyebrows and rolled them in semi-disgust. She was clearly not happy with my choice and I felt that the image she had of my in her mind was starting to get dusty. To her, my action did not fit her frame of mind for a good, healthy, wholesome person. She proceeded to look down and dissapointed as she passed me and opened the door- but for some reason, I still felt free. I didn't know why at the time but I felt sorry for my mom. I felt sorry that she couldn't accept me completely in that moment and I realized that the love she gives me is as hard as it hurts to say it, partially conditional in my eyes. Having the idealistic perspective I do I like to believe that humans have the potential to love unconditionally, yet if we are truely honest with ourselves, our love is typically conditional- and it hurts when you find that out...

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Am I afraid to answer it?
Am I afraid if by answering it, I won't get laid?
Is that what I want from this girl?

But more importantly, is that all I care about? Me?

THINK ABOUT THAT FOR A SECOND!
Is that all I am in this for? To fill a void in my life? To fuck women in order to feel good about myself? To learn how to be socially adept so that I can achieve that goal? To be a ladies man and be the center of attention all the time? To be the alpha male of the group? Is that what you want?

NO! IT IS NOT WHAT YOU WANT!

Here is the secret my friends... We got into pick up to try and fill some void in our life, but it will never be fill. We suck in all this information only to hopefully one day be so metaphorically full of it that we throw it all back up.

What I am going to tell you right now is something that I hope you take to heart because I firmly believe it.
If you were truely honest with yourself, you would realize that you don't want anything more then to love yourself enough, have enough self-confidence and value, enough fucking balls, to GIVE!

PEOPLE WONDER WHY THE FUCK THEY ARE SO UNHAPPY AND UNABLE TO GET WHAT THEY WANT IN THIS WORLD BECAUSE THEY ARE SO FUCKING FOCUSED ON WHAT THEY CAN 'GET' OUT OF PEOPLE NOT WHAT THEY CAN GIVE THEM

What they can FUCKING take
Who they can fucking FUCK

The PUA community is so against what I deem right in this world it makes me sick.

Think of your mother!
Think of your sister!
Think of your wife!
Think of your grandmother!
Think of your neice!
Think of your aunt!
Think of your best female friend!
Think of any female as being all of those to someone and meaning something to them!

DON'T TAKE ANY MORE FROM THEM!
DON'T YOU DARE TAKE AWAY THEIR INNOCENCE LIKE A THEIF IN THE NIGHT!
DON'T YOU DARE TAKE AWAY THEIR TRUST!
DON'T YOU DARE TAKE AWAY THEIR SEXUALITY!

A woman like I said is very delicate and all it takes is one mother fucking douche bag gaming shady pig of a PUA to scar a woman for life and hinder the relationship she finds herself in later on in life. Becuase she won't stay with you if you are simply 'sucking' and 'draining' her life force to fill what you think you need in order to feel slightly happier for slightly less then a second.

GIVE!
GIVE THEM LIFE!
GIVE THEM LOVE!

I am not condemning the men of the community. I am condemning the community and what it is, even if it wasn't the initial intention of it. I am not innocent, my hands are stained. I do not judge you, I do not know where you are at. I do not know what road you are on and since this road of PU led me to here, how can I judge you for taking the same road as I? Do what you want in life when you want it or you will never find your place in it.

I can not stand the idea of a guy gaming a woman that I love. Because to me, gaming means sucking and using. Use your hand for that.

WE ARE MEN!
WE ARE STRONG!
WE ARE LEADERS!
WE EMPOWER WOMEN!
THEY EMPOWER US!

And when we pussy foot around manipulating people for single serving fucks its almost as if we are taking a piece of their fucking soul. And recently seeing someone who I love, which is turning out to be pretty much everyone now, being gamed by some guys, I found out I was not jealous- not in the least. I was hurt.

I was hurt because each of these fucking guys were like ravens pecking at her soul taking and taking to fill their bottomless voids.

I WANT TO SCREAM!

THINK OF YOUR SISTER!
THINK OF YOUR DAUGHTER!
THINK OF YOUR FUTURE WIFE!

And I wanted to cry
and I almost do now...

I don't want to take from people anymore... Especially from people who don't even realize how much has already been taken from them partially thanks to us...

FUCK!

I want to make them whole

Because I want my mom to be happy for once
I want my sister to be happy
I want my best girl friend to be happy
I want everyone to be happy

they won't be happy if we take what little they have left of them!

All it takes is a little unconditional love
its too fucking simple
that you might end up missing it

I see everyone under a different light now, I see peoples pain. They wear it on their sleeve and don't realize it. I am afraid that now I can see it they will run and flee for fear of being transparent in my eyes. You can't run forever though, embrace it and move on!

You will never see the reality of others until you are honest with your own reality. You will think you know but you have no idea.

So as far as Pick-up is concerned...

I am done

As far as my life is concerned...

I have just begun
I love you all
And I wish you the best in life

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Do what you love...

Heh thanks, I'm not leaving Pick-Up if that's how it came off. I'm just changing the way I go about it. A lot of the stuff I have learned from PU is really helpful and fun, I guess I'm just shedding. Not really sure why I posted it in this section to be honest, didn't really think about it.

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Do what you love...

Well Jack...

Welcome to the otherside of the road... This is one of the biggest debates on the PU community... I don't want to tell all the story but let me summarize the story... There are to sides...

Quick Fix PUA Life
NLP Confidence
Fast Seduction Life change
Manipulation Leaders

Well the diagram is something like that... you have the ones that see Pick Up Arts as a tool to get sex and the ones that see it as a way to full fill themselves and become better a Social Artist... because WE PERFORM.

There are movements with slogans like "Let her better than you found her"

I liked your post because that comes from the heart...

PUArts are about becoming more social, more confident, better with women, a great Lover, a Great husband, and a Great Man...

And this is when the morals and ethics of each one put us in one side or the other...

Enjoy Life

_________________


My website: www.pualife.webs.com

New TWITTER account: http://twitter.com/xfman1

Facebook: xf_pua@hotmail.com

I personally feel that the two sides you are talking about are the difference between a player and a true PUA. A player is someone that takes, someone that uses and sucks the life out of people. A true PUA as I see it, should be giving; giving fun, life, energy and enriching people's lives. Is this not where we derive our greatest motto from?

Leave them better than you found them.

_________________
"The 'Brick Walls' are there to allow you to prove how badly you want something!" ~ Randy Pausch

~ Rye

by your guys definition of PUA I completely agree. PUAs are great people. We might just be talking semantics

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Do what you love...

Generally seems to be where the issues arise. People will fight for hours about semantics.

All I know, is that I'm not a player, I don't use people up, I do this cause I love giving people more fun and enjoyment out of life and that makes ME have more fun and happier.

_________________
"The 'Brick Walls' are there to allow you to prove how badly you want something!" ~ Randy Pausch

~ Rye

props to that then man. Just make sure your not fooling yourself as I was

_________________
Do what you love...

I think we'll get along well if you make it out to the LA Conference in August. I'm sure there will be many discussions about issues like this, it's one of the big things I emphasize when I run any workshop as well.

_________________
"The 'Brick Walls' are there to allow you to prove how badly you want something!" ~ Randy Pausch

~ Rye

LA conference? I'm there- PM me the details

_________________
Do what you love...

Some salient points there. But I think you're misjudging how rigid PUA is. There's a quote I always like to read on the Tube journey that sums up the PU community and the self-help industry quite nicely:

"If you don't like your life then change it."

Similarly, if you don't like the way certain aspects of PU work for you, then change those parts. I don't doubt that there are some people who use PUA and make their 'avatars' so far removed from what they actually feel inside that they become deeply unhappy. Sure they get laid, but is that an end in itself or is it a means to an end? Don't become one of those people.

The thing is that there aren't three ways to address the question. Life is not like a rock, it's not firm and rigid and the choice is very rarely between black and white. You don't have to tell her she looks awful. Tell her what you really think and say it in a way that communicates honesty and integrity rather than malice.

Becoming someone else takes a sustained effort and it's not healthy for your mind or the minds of those around you. Becoming who you are is a natural progression that takes effort but leads towards a healthier state mentally. The key word in the PUA acronym is "artist". Canned routines and openers can be a way to get your foot in the door but the important thing to learn about them not that they work, but why they work. A savant can do a perfect replica of every Da Vinci painting, but nobody calls him an artist. Art implies a creativity and if you understand and internalise underlying principles, you can communicate who you are. It's pick-up art, not pick-up life model.

A lot of people are skeptical of the PUA methodology because they say it requires a subversion of yourself. My response is this: when you go to a job interview, you are usually consciously using body language and certain ways of communication in order to make yourself appear to have higher value than the other applicants. Yet nobody accuses you of being dishonest, you're simply getting your foot in the door. If you lie to the employer then it will eventually show and you'll end up worse off. If you simply use body language and communications skills to convince your potential employer that who you are is a better choice than who everybody else is that applies for the job then you're onto a winner.

Ultimately, these are simply techniques and techniques don't have to obfuscate your personality. I can become a better guitar player using Hendrix's techniques without becoming a Hendrix clone. I can become a better public speaker without becoming Barack Obama. I can become a better PUA without being Mystery or Style or pretending I am someone else. I can become who I am whilst borrowing concepts and ideas from other people. Imitation is easy and uninspiring; creativity requires thought and a piece of yourself.

But then I'm new to the game, so I could be wrong.