Theres this girl that i have grown really close to, but she is not over her ex. I have the full story via; mini journal entries in chronological order. (summarized)

maybe you guys can help me out. I've been enjoying gaming for the past few years, but now i just want to settle down in a relationship for a little bit , you know what i meen?
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(Just after spring break '08.)
ok. Basically, i met home girl through a friend at a club. we ended up making out that night n i got her number. We have been talking everyday ever since. We hung out a few times, but for reasons I'm not at liberty to tell you, i wasn't able to hang out w. her at all the past like 2 1/2 months.


regardless we kept growing closer anyways. Just recently over spring break she confessed to me that I wasn't the only guy. She basically told me shes in an on n off relationship and that she just started talking to her ex again.

sounds to me like shes trying to hold onto an old relationship that isn't really there.

she basically told me that she was afraid to get to know me too much too much more because she would become too attracted.


(end)
[explanation] I basically pretended like it didnt bother me, and just kept talking to her and hoping that i could get her mind off him by hanging out with her everyday and moving forward physically. [we really have been together every day]

(about a week ago)
so its a month later... THE REASON, i wasn't able to hang out with her, was because i was actually pledging a fraternity (haters can keep their mouths shut)

anyways i crossed a few weeks ago and saw her for the first time in a long time at my crossing party (done with pledging) . needless to say we had missed each other alot. (to the point that we were defiantly showing too much PDA in the middle of the party lol)

Things have been going great. I Took her out to eat for her bday etc. also had one of my brothers deliver flowers to her during a culture show when i was outta town for the weekend. (with great reaction from her)

her ex had basically became silent and ignoring her. i talked to him a lil (we actually became friends on facebook) and he basically said he was done w. her. (he felt betrayed by her and the fact she was telling him that she wanted to start talking again when in fact she was with me all the time + we were physically attached)

but she was still thinking about him obv.

Last night i got back from Buffalo NY (where i had been all weekend)
and she came over to my house. she was in tears and basically told me that she talked to him earlier and that she was gonna give him a second chance.

she also said she didnt think she could let me go. We held each other for a few hours and kissed b4 i told her that she should just leave b4 it got harder to deal w.
(end)
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Turns out that were alot close than i thought this whole time.
basically both me and her ex feel kinda played. And i dont know if she really knows what she wants.]

I texted her shortly after, telling her that "i followed her out but didnt know what to say'

she texted me back: "it just hurts so bad to think about it. the fact that i cant see u just sucks. Im just speechless cause i cant do anything even though i want to."
(end)

Following a friend's advice i start to ignore her. she texts me a day later:
"look (my name)... i cant stop thinking about you and i know this is a really bad time to be contacting you and you probably don't want to hear from me. I don't want us to be strangers cause i still do care about you. but i know i need to give you some space. just knows that you can always call me. I just feel so uncomfortable with us being like this."
[i don't respond]
(end)

(last friday)
a mutual friend of ours(her best friend) tried to get us to see each other after 4 days of me ignoring her. I end up going to the get-together for a few hours. When i got there, she looked the other way but i approached her anyways. The rest of the night. I casually chatted w. her on and off in a group setting, basically pretending nothing was wrong and that we were normal friends. She tried to ask me if i got her text mssg. I told her i did but didn't have time to respond. Eventually i say goodbye ot everyone and leave. Within 30 MINUTES after i leave, she posts a pic of her and ex kissing on her facebook wall.[ interesting?]
(end)

(last night)
[04:36] (her): i'm just glad you even talked to me
[04:36] (her): don't think you even know waht's going on inside my head right now
[04:37] (her): but i'll see you around i guess
(seems like shes starting to get an attitude, and turning it on me)
(end)

==========================++++++++++++++==================================

Other things to note:

she and her ex are like a roller coaster relationship.
quote: "when we are normal it feels so right, but every other week we get into a horrible

fight, and i wish i had nothing to do with him.)

Shes basically told me that she wants to move on but doesnt want to regret not trying to fix her relationship.

-they have also never officially dated, but have talked on n off since 6th grade (we r in college now)

- he's the one that that took her VIRGINITY . (only person she has slept with) - making it even harder for her to let go

-

I've been trying this ignoring tactic (my friend thinks that the ex will fuck up soon anyways)

I'm not sure if its working (maybe her tactics are just getting to me)

At this point i don't know what im supposed to do, should i keep ignoring her and hoping for the best? or is there a way that i can take action? Thnx for those who read (i know this is MAD long, sorry i had to get it off my chest)

I only skimmed your post, but you should not be having this problem if she is into you. Her S&R instincts are part of the reptillian brain and lymbic system and her cerebral cortex doesn't have a choice in if/when she feels attraction.

If you trigger enough attraction in a woman, her cerebral cortex will build up reasons for her to make herself availible to you through the principles of commitment and consistency.

So I hate to say it but you aren't/didn't turn her on enough when you had the chance. IDK if the window has closed on you already but you need to step back and break it all down so this doesn't happen again.

GL.

im way past that point. shes obv. attracted to me. lol. but yeh. i understand if its too much to read.

the main problem is her trying to have both of us at the same time, while she procrastinates on choosing

I was in a similar situation before I got into PUA stuff. I handled it the wrong way and tried too hard by doing things for her and all that garbage. Anyways, I guess what I am trying to say is that looking back on the situation, I would definitely have broke off contact with this girl. I don't mean be a dick, but if she calls you, feel free to answer but don't talk too long. Don't call her out of the blue, don't text her out of the blue, don't IM her out of the blue. Also don't be readily available if she invites you to hang out. The whole "I can't decide" thing that she is doing is complete bullshit. IF you have built enough attraction and emotional feeling, she will come back to you if you avoid her and have fun with other girls. I know that this advice is not easy to follow, but I'm just telling you what I would do looking back on the situation of mine... Yours may have different details which i am unaware of, but from what you posted, this is how I would handle the situation. Remember, she is just one of a seemingly infinite number of girls on this planet, so you surely can find someone else. Good luck! Let us know how you decide to handle things and how they turn out.

_________________
Time to go to work...

your freeze out isn't effective especially when she had an alternative choice
you neglecting her and leaving the bar told her indirectly you were angry

basically from past experience i've seen, her ex needs to get a real girlfriend before your girl will finally let him go. they only have sex, they dont date coz they already know theyre just dragging it, and since its a bit apparant that her ex is a doucebag who got lucky with her in 6th grade, he got probably NO pickup skills and is cool with his current situation, which is getting sex once every week or so from her

so yeah, he needs to let go of her, and the only way for that to happen is either 1)he gets a real girlfriend which is the easiest solution, or 2)your girl needs to be able to let herself go (with time from him) which doesn't seem possible in this situation.

if i were you, id personally get over her, show her shes not the only girl in the world (wonderful cliche yeah?), or just end it with a "pick between me and him" question which usually works better on women than from women using on men (in style book the girl asked him to choose between her and Lisa and style answer "the moment you asked this question you had set yourself to be the loser" or something, cant remember, so you can change it into a more 1 sided male version question which doesnt really give her a choice (mentall) which ive done before and worked)

i dont think she thinks im mad at her becasue at the get together she asked me "Are you mad at me?" (i said no) "Your not? (i said y would i be mad at you) she just looked frustrated n confused. and i changed the subject.

i feel what ur saying about him getting a GF would help a ton.

Ok, what you've got is a real tough situation, IF you want to build a relationship with her, because:

A) She is way too attached to her old bf
B) Even if you succeed, she will be on rebound.. (never a good thing)

Ok, so lets deal with problem A first. The ex-BF will be a problem as long as she thinks of him. Even though he is already her ex, you might want to use some bf destroyer materials, you need to paint a mental image for her: "No matter what she'll do, the relationship with her ex wouldn't work" and she needs to accept it.

If he dumped her or screwed up, remind her that if it happened once, it will happen again, its just a matter of time. If there were some problems and thats why they split, remind her that in times like these you only remember the good things, but the same issues will come up again later.

My favorite way to do this is storytelling. (yes, I've done this many times in situations more or less like yours)

Stories have a very powerfull way of buliding rapport (she feels she can relate to you) and build up and work her mind set.

Tell her a story about your own past, use a bit of imagination if needed. "I used to date this one girl, we split up, got back together etc. but EVENTUALLY the SAME PROBLEMS kept comming back... what I REALIZED was that if you have problems at the beginning, they won't just dissapear.. It would have been SO MUCH EASIER if I HAD REALIZED this right in the beginning..:"

or tell a story about a close friend of your's.. tell her, you don't want to mention HER name now, because its kinda private after all.. but she was in a situation just like she is now.. just make sure your "friends" story ends the way you want her to think!


(Make the stories longer with more details and even specific feelings. You want her to replace her current thoughts with your story. She must think that this is what will happen to her too if she tries to get back together).

She will relate to these stories and hopefully the will guide her to make the right descission (get rid of her ex for good).

Just remember, this will take time, its a big change for her too, you can't do it over night. And try to get the ex out of the picture, maybe tell her a story how you were in a similar situation and didn't get really over it until you were IN NOT CONTACT with your ex for a whole year.



Ok, then to Problem B..

Well, just play it by the book, it will be really easy to give in too much at this point and she might even expect it (she's comming quite straight from a mature relationship), just don't give in, cause if you do it too early, you'll be very likely to be caught in the rebound trap. You'll end up being just somebody who helped her get over her Ex, so be carefull there buddy![/b]

I never come second to anybody. This girl is going to use you because she knows she can. She's going to try and keep you on the side until she's had enough of him. If that's what you want, then by all means go for it, but I think you can read the writing on the wall. She values him more than she does you. Apparently you haven't DHV'd yourself to be above his level or she would have jetted him long ago.

Game other women. Cut contact with her.

i was in the similar situation long time ago, too much similar, almost the same, fuck its amazing (virginity part, ex long term boyfriend part...., wounder full-fight mode)I ended up dating that girl and here is what worked for me:

The difference between our two situations was that i had fucked up heavily, but this is another story. I waited some time so the memories of me fucking up were not so fresh. Then showed the best of myself for about a week, made her laugh her ass out etc. and got our relationships to the highest tension point... And then during the weekend night i text messaged her an sms: "I have been drinking with your friends and learned a lot of interesting things about you... please don't' you talk to me again. (that was i lie After that i turned ignore mode and did not even say hello to her, and she was trying hard to get me to talk to her. It was hard for her not to try as we were sitting in the same classroom near each other almost on all lessons.

After about 3 weeks of this ignoring thing, i told to our common female friend that im going to the certain club on Saturday knowing that she will tell this to that girl. I went there and i saw her there but did not approached her for the whole night, when the club was almost closing she approached me herself and after about 4 days we ended up having our first sex. And the ex was left behind for real.

Until she finds out that it isn't true because she'll ask around. Then he's going to look like a huge douchebag for making up shit.

You did not get the point. Friends? What is it? Who are they? Good bad, current or from the past? Maybe it is just someone that may know a skeleton from the closet that she should be embarrassed off? Maybe fiends actually mean "friends" (sarcastically) Maybe friends simply mean people that you know or that know you. MINE NEVER GOT TO KNOW ABOUT WHO TOLD ME THINGS ABOUT HER. SHE NEVER FIND OUT!!! IT IS FUCKING IMPOSSIBLE

Also this thing lead to nice results after.. she confessed a lot of things from her past during our relationship that she would not otherwise have confessed because she though that i may already know some of them and she would not get away with a lie.

PS

Maybe another word should be used instead of "friend" to cut off confusion because of different language.. in my language it had dozens of interpretations and it suited well in this situation.

SHe's a fucking virgin dude. Her past couldn't be that bad. Maybe that would work on another chick that wasn't so pure, but I think you'd be barking up the wrong tree on this one.

Everyone has something to hide and there are a lot of things that can be reinterpreted wrong by some people this creates something even if there were none. In that case she could actually sleep with more then 1 guy or did something that could be reinterpreted like that by some people.

AND>>> Those people may have just lied... OR it could have been some girl that wanted you for herself and therefore told a lot of bad things. HER BRAIN WILL BE BLOWN OF WTF is going on. The is so much confusion involved and so much uncertainty that this creates tension, she wants to know what did he knew so horrible that he did not want to talk to her again. Maybe it is something she was saying about him.... it could be fucking anything. Do you get it?? This the best push and pull example that worked with me to get a fucking HB10 to split up with her first boyfrind that she dated for 3 fucking years and who was really powerful mature fellow with money, connections and looks to ME (immature NOONE compared to him AT THAT TIME)

There were attraction between us, but she could not let him go because of all the things and that did it. I gave to much power to her before and that made me the price again. If you don't believe this you can go (deleted i was to angry), if you are (deleted i was to angry) enough to continue telling me again that it does not work when it had the best fucking result i could have expected then (deleted i was to angry).

I may not work for him, i don't know him, i don't know her, but this was fucking powerful