Jokes you can always use



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 Post subject: Jokes you can always use
PostPosted: Mon Mar 18, 2019 10:04 am 
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There must be some jokes that you have that you always get a chance to use

life if a girl is drinking a vodka and diet coke you can go "that way you fall over before you get fat"
another one I heard last night is "you're not drunk if you fall over, you're drunk if you can't get up"

I probably have tonnes of one liners that come in useful constantly and always get a laugh I just have not become conscious enough yet to not them down but if this thread goes well I will.

What are your successful jokes for contexts that come up often and when do you use them?

A

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PostPosted: Tue Mar 19, 2019 11:49 am 
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Dating apps are kind of like fishing, I'm a vegetarian so I always have to throw them back in afterwards
leaving them traumatised in the process

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PostPosted: Thu Mar 21, 2019 12:38 pm 
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I'm a lover not a fighter......... but I'm pretty good at both ;) ;)

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PostPosted: Sat Mar 23, 2019 9:05 pm 
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(opener) Aliens are coming to abduct all the good looking sexy ass people! You will be safe, I'm just texting to say goodbye


"Wow, how does your boyfriend put up with you?" - You
"Uh, I don't have a boyfriend." - Her
"Well, that's probably for the best!" - You
(great for testing if she has a boyfriend, also, qualifier: why are you single?)


"Well, I thought I was being cute and funny. But I guess I was just being cute."


"Have you ever met someone that you just feel so comfortable around? You know, you really hit it off with them? - You
"I totally know what you mean!" - Her
"Yeah...I've never met a person like that." (smile) - You


if she gives a shit test : I've eaten girls like you for breakfast, but its cute you steped up....

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