Most of you rememberer me from the colossal fuck up that started with a first date at my place and ended with a disappearing act, my angry reaction that threw a wrench into the whole thing (may have been over anyway). That story is here: general-questions/first-date-place-then ... 94841.html

I mean, we're talking about those among some other pretty brutal rejections, like a girl picking a time and place, so I cancel stuff and decline other invites. Then the day of the date after I'd text to confirm and get nothing, I'd feel that something was up, I'd write some more, I'd get

"Hi Rob, I've been without my phone for a while. Sorry! My plans have actually changed and I'm no longer available." That's it; (and number blocked by the way)"

That and another disappearing act (from the link) drove me into rejection-fueled rage that I definitely had to talk to someone about. Now, things have never looked brighter!

Now, I shrug off a rejection like water off a duck's back, or just don't count on hearing from them again. Instead I sink the time into the gym, dating new girls, or furthering my career/business interests.

I had to have this "handled."

But to get to how awesome things are going for me, I want to run by you guys, the precursor disappearing act story that got it all started, and got me onto the trail of redemption.

I met a girl online; we had a nice and fun first date, she said a second date would be great, but wanted to "tentatively" agree to next Friday, and would let me know for sure Wednesday.

Wednesday came and went, and she had simply disappeared. I didn't contact her until Wednesday had passed.

After incessant angry texting and calling for about 4 days, she had a girlfriend answer her phone who told me that what happened was she got mad at her boyfriend, (she was supposed to be single) and that she discussed with him, testing out other options online, and in the friend's words "and it was totally discussed and accepted, and it was fine and okay. They talked about it."

Regarding the girl's opinion of our date:

"She didn't say anything particularly bad about you, she said she had a nice time and that you were a nice guy, just...not...."

"Of the caliber she was looking for..." I finished her sentence.

"Yeah." she said.

"Not hot enough??!! So what, is her boyfriend this tall, built up ripped dude, and she though she could get the same??"

The girl said "No, actually, her boyfriend is average size and not that tall."

I demanded, "Then why the fuck did she just disappear on me??!!! Why not just a polite quick text, "Hey, I thought some things through and just don't think we're the best match."??!!

The friend said, "Because she wanted to be nice."

"That's not fucking nice!!!! That's leading a guy on and a sure-fire way to ensure he's gonna be following up with you."

Let that be a lesson to all girls:

If you promise to follow up or promise a second date, and then decide to just disappear because it's "the nice way to do it" (when in reality, who's kidding who here, it's just the easy way out for her, as she's probably an emotionally immature coward)...

.... you may hit the luck of the draw and get the guy who genuinely wants to know what happened, and he'll call and text 400 times over three days from different numbers and send maybe half as many questioning texts which become angry towards the end.

She politely asked that I stop trying to contact her friend and to stop calling her names. As I didn't want to keep contacting a girl who was now talking to her boyfriend again, I agreed and I was out.

One more rejection later and another angry reaction and I decided it was time to talk to someone.

I really put some real time and elbow grease into dealing with my rejection anger.

Now I handle rejection and post first date disappearing acts like it's nothing more than an opportunity to see a disingenuous person for who she really is.

These are not the quality of girls that I want to be involved with -- not girls who feel they can treat guys like that with impunity.

I've gotten so good that many times I can gauge a girl's interest and have successfully predicted about 10 times that I would wake up the morning of the date to a text message from her cancelling due to a plausible sounding reason like:

- "work engagement I forgot I have to attend"

- "learned it will be a late night that will probably turn into dinner with coworkers, sorry but I'll have to cancel (Come on!!! Like she can't tell her coworkers that if she has to work late, okay, move the date later, but they should be considerate of her pre-existing plans."

- "Mother of all summer colds" (6 girls in 2 weeks with that one!)

- "Sister from out of town surprise visited me and I have to go to dinner with her / she guilt tripped me into spending time with her because she had a bad breakup" (again, see above, she can't assert that she had pre-made plans and couldn't break them??!' What horse shit!!!!"

Lesson Learned: Whenever I've called a girl out for cancelling on me, especially the ones who've cancelled within an hour of the date, letting them know that I freed up my evening for them and made plans for them, that I had cancelled some plans and declined other invitations for her only to have her cancel...I've never heard another word back. Many times it even got my number blocked.

Because these coward, immature girls don't want to be wrong.

Now, I can see it coming, so what do I do?

I double, and triple book girls the same night! Then *I'm* the one doing the cancelling, best case. Worst case I still have a date for the night.

Note: Some girls do not like being cancelled on for any reason at all, even if you give plenty of notice and are very polite about it and tell them you'd still love to meet/see them, so you'll lose some when you stack them like that. They will disappear from being so offended.

Thanks to dealing with this anger, I've become an indifferent-seeming step-off machine!

Why, just the other day, although I'll leave it up to you decide if you would've proceeded the same way I did, one girl who had disappeared on me prior to a first date texted me out of nowhere.

Why did she do this?

Well, it could've had something to do with giving her several days to respond, then *only writing back once*, then immediately taking her info out of my phone and moving on.

Once they find out you've just dropped it and moved on rather than chased, they think:

"This is probably a guy who has some options here. He's probably dating other girls and has girls chasing him."

Saturday, I get, out of the blue:

"Rob! Are you at work today?"

I wrote back, "Who's this?"

Her (after 10 minutes): "Oh, it's Emily, lol."

Me: "And where do we know each other from?"

No Response

I typed her number into Facebook and got her profile. I remembered exactly who it was! This was a girl who disappeared weeks ago, so I moved on. I let her know that.

"Sorry, I've moved on since you disappeared. Maybe this will teach you not to be such a flake to guys who're genuinely interested in you, and who also have options. I'm now seeing someone else."

Her: "This will teach me to record numbers in my phone better. I was trying to reach someone else. Sorry for the confusion."

Me: "Too late! You already said Rob! What kind of fucking idiot do you take me for? You've done nothing but show that all you are is a flaky, flighty bitch. Bye now."

Yeah, I could've gotten my dick wet that night, but felt more in the mood to prove a point.

Bottom Line:

Indifference and just letting stuff go is a fucking aphrodisiac to women!!!

"Hi Rob, I've been without my phone for a while. Sorry! My plans have actually changed and I'm no longer available." That's it; (and number blocked by the way)"

But to get to how awesome things are going for me, I want to run by you guys, the precursor disappearing act story that got it all started, and got me onto the trail of redemption.

Let that be a lesson to all girls:

If you promise to follow up or promise a second date, and then decide to just disappear because it's "the nice way to do it" (when in reality, who's kidding who here, it's just the easy way out for her, as she's probably an emotionally immature coward)...

Now I handle rejection and post first date disappearing acts like it's nothing more than an opportunity to see a disingenuous person for who she really is.

- "learned it will be a late night that will probably turn into dinner with coworkers, sorry but I'll have to cancel (Come on!!! Like she can't tell her coworkers that if she has to work late, okay, move the date later, but they should be considerate of her pre-existing plans."

- "Mother of all summer colds" (6 girls in 2 weeks with that one!)

- "Sister from out of town surprise visited me and I have to go to dinner with her / she guilt tripped me into spending time with her because she had a bad breakup" (again, see above, she can't assert that she had pre-made plans and couldn't break them??!' What horse shit!!!!"

Lesson Learned:

Whenever I've called a girl out for cancelling on me, especially the ones who've cancelled within an hour of the date, letting them know that I freed up my evening for them and made plans for them, that I had cancelled some plans and declined other invitations for her only to have her cancel...I've never heard another word back. Many times it even got my number blocked.

Because these coward, immature girls don't want to be wrong.

Thanks to dealing with this anger, I've become an indifferent-seeming step-off machine!

Why, just the other day, although I'll leave it up to you decide if you would've proceeded the same way I did, one girl who had disappeared on me prior to a first date texted me out of nowhere.

"Sorry, I've moved on since you disappeared. Maybe this will teach you not to be such a flake to guys who're genuinely interested in you, and who also have options. I'm now seeing someone else.

Her: "This will teach me to record numbers in my phone better. I was trying to reach someone else. Sorry for the confusion."

Me: "Too late! You already said Rob! What kind of fucking idiot do you take me for? You've done nothing but show that all you are is a flaky, flighty bitch. Bye now."

[ ou need to stop that controlling mindset over what a chick does or who she deals with you because if you even get a gf, fwb, wife or whatever, you'll just get mad when she doesnt do things the way you want her to. If just Saturday you're feeling to need to cuss a chick out, then you havent grown.

You trying to prove a point to these girls just doesn't benefit you or them.

Uh, your therapy didn't work.

I think we're talking about two different things here. This is not about trying to lord over a woman and dictate her life decisions. This is about not being played for a punk.

Okay, play it your way; show her through your behavior that you are fully and completely available, ready and willing to be tromped on like the doormat that you are and that she has free reign to treat you as disrespectfully as she may so care to.

Check back with us and let us know how that works out.

That's not for you to say. Besides, it really comes off as though you're only intent here is to just try to prove someone wrong and faulty.

For the record, after chronicling several last-minute cancellations and post first date rejections and the reasons given, even my therapist replied:

"You know, the number of cancellations that you've been getting like this, and looking at the timing for each, and especially the reasons and stories given..... I think you might be a little right, I think there might be a little... Well... A little horseshit in there like you were saying"

I think we're talking about two different things here. This is not about trying to lord over a woman and dictate her life decisions. This is about not being played for a punk.

Okay, play it your way; show her through your behavior that you are fully and completely available, ready and willing to be tromped on like the doormat that you are and that she has free reign to treat you as disrespectfully as she may so care to.

Check back with us and let us know how that works out.

For the record, after chronicling several last-minute cancellations and post first date rejections and the reasons given, even my therapist replied:

"You know, the number of cancellations that you've been getting like this, and looking at the timing for each, and especially the reasons and stories given..... I think you might be a little right, I think there might be a little... Well... A little horseshit in there like you were saying"

Guys like you, doesnt matter if the chick is honest about flaking or not; once she's not interested you get angry because you cant handle life and rejection.

Guys like me huh? If I'm not mistaken, some guy wrote Into The Bill Burr podcast, explaining his story of having dated a woman for several months and she called him one day to cancel for something very reasonable and believable and they were to make arrangements pretty soon after, and she totally up and disappeared. He left countless voicemails cause text for the next several weeks and got nothing.

It totally screwed the guy up, and he had to be consoled by family and close friends.

There was something about a roommate answering and saying she wasn't available or something like that but I don't know. The point is that Bill Burr isn't a pickup artist and that this story was out there like that shows just how relatable and standard issue this situation is, and how rightly angry men who have this done to them are.

Bill Burr's response? " what can I say man, she took the easy way out"

He also qualified that with " I mean who's kidding who here, even if she did call you and give you a solid explanation you'd still be fuming and pretty fucking pissed."

Now this is a normal mainstream guy explaining a situation that is pretty standard two a pretty normal sounding guy who had a pretty expected response to the way he was treated. Eg. The "you'd still be pissed thing"

And here you are implying that I'm defective somehow and calling me psycho for having the same kind of response that any run-of-the-mill guy would have? You don't know what in the world you're talking about; that sanctimonious air up there must smell really nice.

This is happening to you with girls that you've dated for months? They actually spend a significant amount of time dating you and they just disappear?