I have snooped twice in my life. I have also been told by a friend of situations that have been going on behind my back and always wondered, what if. What if I didn't snoop and kept on going blissfully ignorant of boundaries being crossed when I didn't know and spent my time with someone who clearly doesn't have the same kind of outlook on life. Or what if that friend never told me what she saw


Lets start with the friend situation. I dated a younger girl back in the day...I was inexperienced, but still had my charm and wit. I bedded her the second night..=) great! Then we started getting a little more serious later on in the months and got into a premature relationship. Only a month in "exclusivity"... a friend (acquaintance of mine) of hers sends me a message

here is the message in it's original form

"I am only telling you this because I know you are a great guy, Sydney doesn't deserve you and you should know why. Even though you guys are supposed to be dating, she still has a different boy coming to her room almost every night and she will not stop talking about all the other guys she is talking to. I'm sorry but I have to tell you this. Its been making me so mad lately. I don't believe that it is right to be flirting and cuddling with other people if you have a significant other. You don't have to do anything about it, but at least take it into consideration."


So I ended that real quick. Saved me some time...in the long run I found out she wasn't a very good person and it was repeated by more than one person. Very inexperienced me.



Now me personally snooping,

I snooped on one of my ex's, because she was acting weird (gut feelings come in handy) found out messaging ex boyfriend and whatnot. And this is a girl who i thought I could trust...she didnt have many red flags about her either. I might have been doing a shitty job as a boyfriend so I couldn't really blame her too much. But she then snooped through mine and well you know that relationship was doomed


Next time:

This girl got pretty attached after sex...really got it bad for me. At the time we weren't even official...but she wanted me to stop talking to other girls, and get off dating websites. Interesting. I didn't fall for it, especially since it was only 3 months in. So I told her that we should keep things open till since it was still early. From then on...she kept on going and going about how I should stop talking to other girls, she doesn't really like doing those kinds of things/like that kind of relationship, how other guys would have dropped their other girls for her by now and we should be dating one on one since more people involved= diverting attention, blah blah blah.

I do not budge, too early...5 months in, I just wanted to prove my cynical side right and snoop through her Facebook messages. She wasn't too bad, nor was I pissed (we were not together) but she had some messages to other guys here and there about how she thought they were really attractive, etc. Even telling one guy she was interested and wanted to take things slow lol.

Has she banged them I don't know...did she give them her number?...yes Even though I have been banging her for awhile and her "views" which might have been altered due to me saying what I said to her.


Which brings me to my question....


Is it better to be blissfully ignorant and spend time with women and never snoop (which to me is my go to option now since shit... gotta have some secure beliefs about myselfs)



or snoop and get the truth and always have some skepticism whenever a woman utters words.

which might help in situations like these .. girlfriend of 8 years. He found out she banged a guy during turmoil and he was just giving in more effort into repairing the relationship. I guess he saved himself another year by snooping?

viewtopic.php?f=128&t=191691&p=921848#p921848

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It all depends on the spirit you do it in to be honest.

I had girls who I would openly snoop directly in their face. I would ask them for their phones in front of friends, random people, etc. and openly look through it and hand it right back to them. Friends would shake their head in shock at that level of compliance. I was less trust worthly back then though and was willing to leave any girl who didn't give me her phone when I asked.

Now if you're doing it in the fearful, oneitis spirit I am totally against it. At that point it would probably be better for you to snap out of it or break things off. Fear = Weakness. And i know you're afraid of wasting your time, but that doesn't change its source. If you don't trust her, leave her. Do go on worrying yourself.

I say put it all out on the table man. Either ask her for it straight up (willing to walk if she says no), or just build the trust. Everything done in the dark will eventually come to the light anyway. You can get really bold when you're willing to walk away. Its only when you feel slight apprehension at the thought of walking away that you run into trouble.

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Yeah, i hear you about fear=weakness. It will come out through your behavior and in the end you will the cut. And i have read your think like a woman post, which makes sense.

But like i was referring to that post to the guy with the girl of 8 years...he states he is in shock, he never suspected his girl to do such a thing (fuck another guy) . And he was actually getting the relationship back on track. Now if he never snooped, maybe a happily ever after would have followed...and he would have never known. But he looked at her phone and confronted her and got it confirmed. So now his reality shattered, but possibly avoided more heartbreak down the road? So my view is this, which reality would you prefer to be in ?

I just think of scenarios like these. Kinda blows. Makes me cynical at times. Keeps me playerish.

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well it depends.. if you honestly couldnt care less then she could do whatever the hell she wants.. thats how my last relationship was.. we would talk about our other partners & still got together.. no need to hide anything lol.. she was seein this older gent & she wanted to fuck, but he didnt.. he just wanted to talk lol.. so he would give her weed & she would give it to me.. lol.. i remember one night she was like "i just want some dick" & I asked her when was the last time you got laid.. and shes like 6 months ago.. apparently it was with her friend Cheyanne lol.. super hot blonde.. they both were.. she asked me the same question. i said "about a week ago.. fucked her every day for like 2 weeks.. but she had to go back to her husband in LA.." we stopped talking shortly after that lol.. because she stopped talking to Cheyanne & i was only tryin to get with Cheyanne lol.. i wouldve have fucked her, but only if i couldve fucked Cheyanne too..

but yeah some guys want that commitment.. you could put a keylogger on their phone.. get those calls, text, social media password & track their GPS location.. blow em all to hell..