The main reason why I registered after lurking a few weeks. I actually ended up in this situation because of reading here and now I need your advice to get out again. Preferably in a way that suits my desires. My introduction story can be read here:

new-from-holland-for-the-most-complicat ... 72365.html

So, of we go.

As I've explained in my introduction I'm in an open relationship, which means I'm free to #-, kiss- and even f-close a girl. At the same time that is major problem 1: As I like to be honest to avoid hurting people unnecessary I'm almost forced to play direct game, and although having a relationship can be interpreted as preselection and thus major DHV it also instantly delivers the message 'I only want you for once' which sets of the ASD alarm.

Now the actual situation is this:

There is a girl I've ran into several times the last two years because she works in the grocery store I'd rate as a 8,5 or even 9. In the beginning my relationship wasn't open yet so I never made a move, besides giving a gentle or funny comment, a smile and a wink while packing my groceries. She seems to be the kind of shy girl, as she always gives me smiles and that 'look down' look whenever I run into her, makes me pretty much think she's digging me. Can't remember to ever have misjudged those signals with other girls.

About two weeks ago I ran into her when I was out with a friend to play a pool game. This was before I started reading about PUA and I had no intention at all to sarge that night. Before entering the pub my bud said something like 'mate, we're the kings this evening' and it just felt exactly that way. We entered and I spotted her with her arms full of beer, turned out she worked there so I gave her a wink but ignored her, as she was on her way to some customers. A bit later me and my mate went to the smoking area and instantly she came in and took a seat right near me. Came up in my head '3 seconds sucker, you have 3 seconds to say something you've read that in that Mystery book last year' so when I saw she had troubles with her lightner I instantly offered mine. From then it was like:

She: *leaning towards me* Aw he's working already but thanks, very sweet of you!!

Me: *taking laid back alpha posture* Yeah I am huh, hey don't you work at ...?

She: Yeah I do indeed

Me: So you left or what, didn't visit you lately?

She: Nah a few hours there a some hours here

Me: Ah kay, working girl huh, ('neg her, you read that in that Mystery book too!) -> didn't realize you worked here too, aren't you supposed to wear some kind of monkey dress so that we instantly know you're crew?'

She: *turns back to me and lifts up her hair, showing the name of the pub on her back* I DO you see, it's just my hair falling over it

Me: Yeah I see, nice curls ('oh yeah I should neg her') but you should put it up

Then I finished my cigarette and as I realized that she would probably have to go get back to work any second I decided to leave at a high peak so I said well we've paid to play pool so we gotta go again and while we all stould up I kino'd her while I passed, just kept my hand in her side a bit longer than casual as that felt natural as it was a narrow and semi dark area. As I saw her watching after us my mate instantly started bragging 'she diggs you mate, she sure does why did you leave her alone'. 'She's coming to me later' I said.

And she did, I decided to take my position at the very end of the pool table and stille she came to me all the time to ask wether we'd like a drink or not, other customers and my friend where more close to her, so I teased her some more, said that I now would like to have the best SPAM the rest of the evening.

She: Yeah *acting sadly* I have such a hard job here

Me: yes indeed, thou shalt work for you money

She: who's winning then?

Me: I am ofcourse, would you think otherwise

She: Ohw, thought I heard you shouting?

Me: Okay you're right, I really need anger management

Unfortunately her boss needed her and my mate had to go home a bit later. As we were with his car I had to go along, so I had no chance to talk to her again.

Last week I saw her again but as it was very busy she had no time for a smoke, but I decided to tease her when I could.

She: hi there you around here again can I offer you something to drink?

Me: well yeah I'd like to see you again, with a coke

She: *bringing the drinks*

Me: thanks oh hey wait a minute I ordered a coke not a beer

She: GODDAMMIT

Me: *feeling sorry for her as I could see she was ashamed* it's okay I'll drink it

She: no no no I'll get you one really

My mate (breaking in when she came back with the coke and kept hanging around): you do play pool yourself?

She: nah not that much I'm not really good at it

Me: well it's about the fun, or can't you handle it when you lose?

She: oh ofcourse I can handle it

Me: you sure? I just heard you curse like a sailor

She: *stuttering, eyes down, blushing* well ehm eh yeah uh I just can eh kick myself when something like that happens

*boss needs her again* didn't see her anymore.

Now I wonder, have I been too strong on her, negged her too hard? Problem is, although she seems to give some IOI here and there I'm still a bit unconfident about my looks (hey bodybuilders are crazy, that's just how plain true). There have been women I slept with who told me that they thought they weren't worthy of me but when AA comes up while approaching a women in the back of my head I'm always thinking 'yeah but this girl might have a different taste' and if I don't instantly open the set right then AA freezes me and I better go home because it's just not gonna be my night. So in a way with this girl I don't need more IOI's, it seems like I'm waiting for stronger IOI's while she's by now probably too shy to give them.

Last thing: I ran into her facebook as we appear to have a few mutual friends. Ofcourse I'm not gonna add her as I don't want to come of as needy creep and don't want my adventures to mix with my social life. As far as I found out on her wall she has a boyfriend, or at least HAD one as she has no relationship status and she frequently posted about him until august. But for christ sake I assume they're still together.

Main questions:

- Am I an idiot to think that she is digging me and I just negged her too hard?

- Shy girls are best caught with direct game, but I can't kiss close while she's working.
Besides she might come up with the boyfriend so #close seems to be the way. But if I play direct game and try to kick the boyfriend out of her mind, at least for a date, I should also be straight
forward about me having a girlfriend and not wanting her for a LTR (I'm not seeking to screw up her relationship
forever) how do I come up with this without making her ASD?

Again, thanks for reading and replying guys. I really need to either find a way or just put her aside as this is driving me towards oneitis. Not because I'm in love with her, just because I wanna prove my mate that 'she CAN be done'.

shy girls are usually insecure girls and usually insecure girls need compliments instead of teasing......u can neg her once to make sure she don't get full of her self but never more than once and negging is suppose to get her to the pint where she diggs you if you keep doing it afterwards then you're coming off harsh...

i believe in karma and i would never talk to a girl with a boyfriend (again) but you seem like a cool guy so im going to help you...you should make sure she doesn't think about her boyfriend when she's with you, you're already doing a good job because she sees you often but not to often so she doesn HAVE to remember you...ask her out and make sure the date or whatever is spectacular make sure you make her feel special and then try to sleep with her....once you're done just say something like "i just had to make sure i had strong feelings for you but i don't want to ruin something you already have" or "i feel bad now but do not regret spending the night with such a beautiful lady, i hope you don't hate me or yourself because everybody's entitled to a runaway" thats what i did when i slept with a girl who had a boyfriend but never wanted to see her again....

but personally after i've been hurt and cheated one i would never go for a girl with a boyfriend cause i don't want anybody feeling as bad as i did.

hope that helped

_________________
"My understanding of women only goes as far as the pleasure. When it comes to the pain I'm like any other bloke - I don't want to know."-Alfie

Tnx a lot bro.

Think you're right about me being too harsh on her, and also about the karma. The strategy you suggest looks like the most effective way, but as I consider myself a kind harted guy I can't do it this way. It would feel as if I lured her into it and I don't want to leave such an impression. After all I'd like to keep visiting that pub in the future and seeying someone who played with you isn't really fun.

I think I better apologize for negging her too much and be direct with her, and then before the eventual date also be honest about my situation. If she still has the boyfriend and decides to cheat on him, well at least it's not my fault then. Might cause her to flake because of rational reasons but at least then I know that I could have had her, which makes it way more easy to go on the natural game path later.
So I'm gonna stop gaming her tactically and just be natural. Nice, flirty and direct. Like 'Hey how are ya doing?' *chit chat, keep it positive* let her bring some drinks to give her a break to settle down this positivity. Then later take her apart and say like hey it wasn't my intention to burn you down last week, kinda got the impression you didn't really like it so sorry for that. *kino here*

She'll ofcourse say it's no big deal and start explaining again about how frustrated she got or something like that. Think that's the moment to make things clear. Say like 'well it's okay you're still my favorite waitress. You know just give me your number and I'll make it up to you one of these days. Perhaps I'll teach you how to play pool'.

If she mentions her boyfriend as the reason to not accept the invitation I just say yeah well I'm engaged too, I'll explain it to you but not here while you're working. If the boyfriend keeps being an obstacle then I stop pushing and just friendzone her. As Mystery wrote already 'if it's a serious relationship, say pleasure knowing you and eject politely'.