TLDR: Escalating on a virgin who does not want a relationship, on a 2 week time frame.

If you've read any of my last couple topics, they've dealt with this particular... woman. Mostly because I am simply dipshitfounded on handling this, and most certainly have one-itis, but here goes. So... been gaming HB8 virgin for a couple months(!!) now, last sunday finally got her to come to my place alone and went from previously a consistent k-close to fingering her on my bed. She admitted that was farther than she wanted to go, and has never done more with a guy. When we first got to know each other and her virginity came up, she mentioned wanting a "real relationship with a guy who cares" so I have also entertained that angle, showing her from time to time I am also sweet and caring, and am genuinely interested in her; things seemed to be heading in the relationship direction and I was actually okay with that. However, I quickly discovered this was the WRONG angle...

Tonight, we were going to hang with some friends and she came over early for some more "fun". But as the evening progressed, she spent more attention on a different guy in our group, and unfortunately I was unable to completely hide my discomfort and she later asked me about it. Basically, she enjoys the comfort and pleasure but sees us as more of a friends with benefits type situation. In two weeks, she returns to uni and wishes to be available to date "sweet nerdy kids" there.

I'm sure I'm overthinking this, and I don't know why this one stupid chick is so damned important - probably because I've never fucked a virgin, especially one that is attractive, 9 years younger than me (28 vs 19). Possibly because in spite of it all, I still see her as possible LTR... Problem is, I know in two weeks she's gonna get bombarded by guys at her school and I will maybe get to see her once a week (she asked me to stay with her if I visit). I should note my uni will also start back up and my pool of women with multiply exponentially again as well.

Should I persist about getting to her to come back to my place more often?
Should I try the cold shoulder / hard to get, hoping she will come to me?
Should I try to establish more comfort/rapport...? I doubt this.
Or should I just cut the chick out completely, as she is likely just wasting my time and bringing out the AFC in me?

So fucking lost on this one. Any help would be much appreciated, gentlemen.

Here's an update of our texts today.

Me (1206) : So you gonna come over tonight or what?
Her (1258) : No, I think I'll be hanging with some other friends tonight
Me (2:54) : Well this Sunday I have practice... whats your tomorrow look like?
Her (8:35) : for what? .. hanging out just you and me?
Me (1151pm): Duh?
Her (12:12am) : oh, well I'm at Jb's tonight with some friends
Me (12:21) : That's cool, doesn't answer my question though
Her (1234) : maybe.. Itll depend. I'm going to get my sister tomorrow from the airport .. but ..I don't know whats going on later
Her (1:28) : wish you were here tonight with me though

Not going to text back yet I don't think. I want to make it clear if she wants my attention, its going to be one on one in a sex location, ideally my place. Also I have the option of hanging with a new HB6 to get my mind off things / play jealousy game tomorrow if need be as well.

Please guys, any criticism on this would be greatly appreciated.

Firstly, let me state that I am by no means a mPUA, but I think I can help put this into perspective.

Secondly, there are a LOT of things going on here and to really get a grip on the situation I think you need to take a step back and look at the big picture. Let me break down a few of the elements you're dealing with:


1. A virgin.
2. A much younger girl. (19 vs 28)
3. A girl entering college/university. A place with layers upon layers of social circles.
4. A case of one-itis on your part.
5. Being friend-zoned.
6. You desiring a LTR.



So, let's consider the facts here...

I am going to make an assumption here that most virgins want to make their first time "special". If you want this girl to feel like you're special, you have to be special. She doesn't currently see you that way. This is evidenced by the fact that she's holding out on her virginity until she goes to university. Consider this fact: She has a guy right here and now that is willing to Fclose her, and she knows it.. But she'd rather hold out until she gets to meet her college peers. What does this tell you? To me, it says she doesn't see you as anything more than a "good time".

Right now, you are a dick in a glass case. She'll use you up after she gives her virginity to someone else, or she'll just keep stringing you along.

Furthermore, she's much younger than you. I am not sure about MOST guys, but for me, 27-30 was a very awkward stage for younger girls. It still kind of is (I'm 32 now). Around 25-27, you go from the "older guy", to "the old guy", and you haven't quite crossed over into the "mature man" from a younger girls perspective yet.

She wants to connect with people her age, and you are not enough of a father-like figure for it to trigger that line of attraction in her yet.

This girl is about to be bombarded with guys who want to swoop in on her, and you have feelings for her that she doesn't have for you. Sorry, but this isn't a matter of technical "pick up", this is a matter of you getting over her and moving on. Odds are, she is not relationship material anyway. The longer you hold on to the idea that she's a potential LTR, the more you're hurting your odds of ever getting into her pants.

What do we learn from PUA? We learn that women want what they cannot have.. We learn that women like competition. We learn that women like the chase. We learn that they like guys who make them feel comfortable, but who could also slip away from them at any moment.

Can you look at this situation honestly and say that ANY of that applies to you, and this girl? This is where the one-itis comes in. If you're not good enough for her to have to fight other girls away from you, then you're not good enough for her virginity. Worse .. She's about to have guys that qualify in that respect surrounding her on a daily basis.

I am not sure what to advise you in terms of "getting" this girl.. I wish I could say you have a chance. I think it goes against the PUA code of ethics to suggest getting her drunk enough to escalate beyond 3rd base, and I really don't think that will achieve your goal of getting a LTR out of her.

Want to impress her? Go pick up a hot 18 year old girl and introduce them.

Hmm, seems like a really big deal that she wanted friend with benefits. Let me ask you this; what is wrong with friends with benefits? Let me put some things straight by being friends with benefits:

1: You can f*ck her and still there are no strings attached
2: Because there are no strings attached, you can f*ck other girls
3: When she knows this, she will perhaps feel more attracted to you, because you have social proof. You f*ck this girl, so she knows you are interested, but by the fact you f*ck other girls too, she knows that when she screws up, she has lost you. That will make her work harder to keep you close to her.

I can tell you this: Having a girl saying that she wants to be friends with benefits is GOLD! Man, i've had a relationship like that, and it's amazing. You don't have to care about that stupid dilemma of cheating or sh*t like that. I recommend you go friends with benefits.

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Oh yeah, man there's nothing with with friends with benefits at all, I know. But the problem here is that with her being a virgin, the benefits stop earlier than sex.

Ether, thanks for the massive post, I think you really hit the issues on the head. Some small, probably irrelevant info is that she's already done a year at this college, and dated two (also virgin) guys from it during that time.

You're absolutely right about "the old guy" thing... she's not the only teenage girl in recent memory that brought up my age as a barrier. I'm definitely ditching the idea of LTR at this point - I know that's only hurting me. And the her wanting what she can't have is completely true. In my story, the other guy she was giving attention to, she was told recently that he wasn't interested... hence... she now strives for his attention.

See, I do have other (albeit less attractive) women chasing me, and she knows it. I definitely, without a doubt, make her feel "comfortable" - she's used that word dozens of times.. but my interest is definitely too obvious. You're right, in that she knows she's "got me" and can use me for whatever she wants. I think what I should be doing here is getting unavailable, and somehow convey the message I have lost interest in the LTR and trying to fuck her.

On another note, I know for sure she's stringing me along, and that's what I'm trying to break free of. Look at this message she sent me at almost 4am -

Her: "I might be able to hang out tomorrow, but I have a feeling I'm going to want to hang out with my sister some since I haven't seen her at all in 2 months. =/ Sorry."

Might... some... I don't think I should even respond to this message... if I do, what should I say?

I know this is most likely a hopeless situation, but I see no reason to give up completely either. So here's how the situation has progressed. By the way, in this drama, all conversation is implied to be via text unless specified otherwise.

Over the weekend, I'm keeping my distance just fine. I keep conversation light and sexual. I make sure to hang out with other women - easy kclose on saturday with another girl by the way. Sunday night, however, I get a phone call telling me that my friend M was just assaulted by her boyfriend, because she caught him texting - you can guess - HB8. Of course, I'm M's only friend in town so I have to playing fucking hero. I lose my cool, call HB8 a stupid bitch, etc... starts a two day off and on conversation via/text facebook where we basically have it out with each other - old issues brought up - it ends with us agreeing we're being irrational.

We agree to talk in person, but neither of us has the time until last night, Wednesday, when we both were going to a bonfire party with our group of friends. I give her little to no attention for the first couple hours, of course this gets to her. About halfway through, we semi-isolate away from the fire and have a short talk. I ask "so, how are you doing?" "Bad. You?" "Eh, long couple days." "Sorry." "Me too." We hug, and I kiss her on the forehead. Then she returns it on my cheek. We look at each other, and she's giving me her "please kiss me" look. I bring my face an inch from hers and whisper "No. Not yet." and pull away. As you may have guessed, this gets her chasing me again. Later, I'm standing in front of the fire alone, and she tries to kiss me in front of all our friends - something she explicitly told me before she wasn't comfortable doing - I let her do it for maybe a second and pull away. But I started to return her affection after this, and as the fire was dying I walked over to her, pulled her against me, and gave her a real kiss. The night ends and we part ways. She sends me this text:

Her (3:17am) Does this mean we're not fighting anymore?
Me (3:25) I'm still upset.. but it's a step in the right direction. We should still talk. I don't like fighting, especially with you.
Her (8:44am) Okay. I don't like fighting with you either. Maybe we could hang out later this week or early next week..

So we made ambiguous plans for Monday. It will likely be my last chance to have her to myself before she leaves, she's genuinely busy. So my original question stands albeit with new info. I plan on saying things like "We shouldn't be doing this" and "I should just stay away from you, you're nothing but trouble". Of course, her actions have made the "You're a dirty little slut and you need to be punished" angle doable as well. I have convinced myself I don't NEED to f-close, but I'd at least like to exchange a couple good orgasms and just enjoy the relationship for what it is.

So how am I doing so far? I think I handled the campfire situation pretty well... please guys, any feedback is super appreciated. Some encouragement, a slap in the face, anything. I should also add I just picked up Sex God Method and it's pretty interesting so far.