I had an experience that left me wondering.

This is not a lay report so I'' just describe quickly what happened. Met this girl one night we started hanging out. Eventually it turned sexual. Okay she was a virgin. And she was also raised in a christian household and had strong beliefs of not having sex before marriage.

When we were in bed one night it turned hot and heavy. I explained to her beforehand I'm not looking for anything serious(My attempt at managing expectations) and she was okay with that. Now I always try to adhere to the rule of leave them better than you found them.

Anyway in the heat of the moment sex happened. Okay everything I did was geared towards having sex(handling LMR etc).

Afterwards this left me thinking... This girl was dead set on not having sex before she got married. So me being the cause of her breaking her own belief system of not having sex means that even though I did manage expectations trying not to mess around with her, I did everything except leaving her better than I found her?

Am I going about this wrong?

Nobody here can give you a crash course on your own belief system and morals.

If it feels wrong to you - it was wrong.

But, also understand this: Nobody can force another to feel a certain way. You do that on your own. You feel guilt - that's your emotion.

Conversely, her feeling passion, desire, lust - were HER emotions as well.

All things being honest, and you didn't manipulate or lie, nor use chemicals...then...to me: Guilt/fault lies in the middle. Further, if you were both equally culpable - there is no fault. It's a mutual decision - nothing more.

RR

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Women are like ceramic tile.... if you do the prep work, and lay them properly the first time...you can walk all over them for years to come.

Well for me I just don't like hurting people. So I do not want her to feel guilty or bad about for long time over one night she had.

As for me I don't really feel that guilty. I was just wondering if I am actually leaving her a lot worse than I found her. Mostly because most of the girls I know have similar beliefs. But thanks.

Look..at least yours didn't cry after sex like my ex-virgin did. Now that's leaving her worse off. And even then, it was unintentional. I didn't care to share this experience, but I had one like yours and the girl didn't tell me anything about being a virgin...so I claim plausible deniability.

I felt guilty VERY little because I don't view sex as this 'precious gift' like she does. Women make sex about respect....but rarely do they realize the two have nothing to do with one another.

Again, do you think you are?

I can say "Yeah, you're a piece of shit"

Someone else can say "You're doing great!"

What matters is what YOU think, my man.

For me, if it was all on the table and she had the chance to back out at anytime - I'd not have felt bad. Hell, all things considered, I'd feel great knowing she had THAT experience for her frist time to always remember. Seriously, I'd feel more bad if I threw bad game and she had to remember that forever....but that's me.

How do you feel?



RR



*age of consent being a prerequisite...

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Women are like ceramic tile.... if you do the prep work, and lay them properly the first time...you can walk all over them for years to come.

RetireRodeo hit the nail on the head right there.

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We are all responsible for the decisions we make. She made hers, end of story. Life goes on.

I don't really feel that bad. To me sex is human nature. But her changing her belief system because me seems wrong. I don't feel guilty, but I feel like I should feel guilty if you understand what I mean.

The mere fact that she decided to go for it, contradicting herself, makes it her decision. If she wouldn't have lost it to you before marriage, then very likely to someone else. This wasn't you manipulating her, this was her.

listen man, the whole concept of ''LEAVING HER BETTER'' is philosophically unsound and impossible to produce unless the person doing so, truly is not motivated out of self interest, and seeing as how pretty much everyone is predominantly genetically designed to be selfish rather then aulteristic, the whole concept is a load of bullshit, through years of evolution we as a species have evolved to be motivated out of self interest, everything you do, even the seemingly aulteristic things are almost always motivated in some way out of self interest to further the ability of your genes to carry on and thrive, ''LEAVING HER BETTER'' is usually no different, it is just how guys backwards rationalize their actions after the fact, what ever they do, if it was for her interest or not, there will be some way to frame it so that it was her interest in mind, when realistically her interest was never in the picture to begin with, and if you feel what you are doing is wrong, this too is just the way you rationalize your actions after the fact, there are plenty of ways to spin it, but what it comes down to is, you wanted to have sex with her, she wanted to have sex with you, it happened, you both got what you wanted at that moment, now you can rationalize it how ever you want it, she was special, she didn't want it, it was a great fuck so now she is better, what ever, how ever, rationalize it how you will, the past is the past, no need to dwell there, it already happened

another problem with this whole concept, is that a persons standards reguarding morality and ethics are completely subjective from person to person, and depending on culture and personal upbringing (as well as genetics if you would like to argue nature vs nurture), the whole idea of right and wrong, better or worse, are simply a matter of opinion

so just realize, people make their own choices, and she made hers, you can guarentee if she didn't find it in her own self interest to sleep with you, she wouldn't have

She was dead set on not having premarital sex.

You seduced her and TOLD HER you're not looking for anything serious.

And she was fine with it.

You had sex after that.

. . .

She definitely wanted to have premarital sex in that case. She was just using the premarital excuse as a shield, but in reality she was just as horny and careless about her virginity like any other party-girl.

If you fucked her before letting her know you don't want any strings attached - you'd probably be wrong in doing so . . . Especially since we'd never find out whether or not she valued her virginity that little/much.

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hey, see it from this angle. who knows what kind of asshole would have been her first time if it was not you. a lot of girls plan on "waiting till marriage". i doubt that most make it. if she enjoyed it, if she did not say she regretted it..... you know?