hey guys..
(btw im a girl)
a very intense 6 year relationship has recently ended (approx. 4 months ago) and since then i have had a few casual encounters with a couple guys. then the unspeakable happened..
i got drunk one night a bit before newyears and admitted to an acquaintance (within a common group of friends) who used to be in my class in high school that i found him attractive, but got rejected. at the time he was in a *sort of* relationship (i had no idea about that) and soon after it ended he msged me on fb for a booty call. i rejected him because i was in a bad emotional state in general and a little bitter about him having previously rejected me. about a month or so later (taking us to last sunday) i approached him for a booty call and we met up. at first it was really awkward and we just talked and had a few beers, i made the first move and *bam*, it was fucking awesome. honestly i only approached him in the first place coz i found him physically attractive (i had no physical encounters with him and no way of knowing what to expect in terms of sexual tension and chemistry), so the fact that with him i had the best sex of my life was a real surprise. problem is that through our discussions i discovered i actually like him as a person as well (i didnt dislike him before, just never thought of him as more than an acquaintance and a sexual object -lol, sorry that probably sounded shitty- and also had some preconceptions about him that were shattered through our discussions), which is a very, very, very, very fucking bad thing. anyway... to both our surprise we ended up doing it twice, then twice again the next day (monday). he is...seriously.. the best ive ever had. perfect chemistry.. (he also said im the best he's ever had, hope it's true haha). well, we're meeting again tomorrow.
problem is.. i dont want to get emotionally attached (obviously. neither of us are ready for a relationship in general), and im afraid that might be a possibility because of some emotional rebound need from my ex (whom i love and will always love, anyway) and simply because i genuinely like him, not to mention find him hot as fuck and awesome in bed. so..... pleeeeeeeeease! tell me what i can do to not get emotionally attached! xD

p.s.: a friend of mine introduced me to PUA (he's really into it); he suggested i go out with other guys as well but i seriously do not have the desire to. my needs are met (very, very well) by this guy and i just.. bleh, the idea of being with others as well doesnt interest or intrigue me. i believe this is oneitis!

p.s.s.: im not very familiar with the abbreviations and general lingo; i read the post from FAQ but dont remember everything xD

thanks for listenin!

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derp

You need to be honest with this guy, that is all there is to it. FWB usually gets very complicated because it is only natural to get emotionally attached to something after you are with it over time, regardless in your scenario where you are already developing some emotional connection.

In my honest opinion, you should cut off this relationship for a week or two. Try and meditate on the situation, and "eliminate" (bad choice of words sorry) any ideas of your ex. I know this is almost impossible, but you have to let go. It is the hardest thing man/woman have to do in their lives, but its a necessity. I believe you always love an ex, regardless, even divorcees still love their exes slightly, otherwise why would they have gotten married in the first place.

Pretty much, find a way to mediate between this past relationship and the present. The best way to get over someone is time and a new relationship, but don't dive into one because of the sex. Therefore, take a break from this guy, try and meet new people, and than if you continue to have some emotional connection towards him than rekindle. But be smart and don't dive in right away! Breaking your heart is never fun

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Best of Luck
-Raphael

Aspiring Artist

Read the adventures I take as I discover my way towards becoming a mPUA or a dPUA (decent PUA) including completing the StyleChallenge ---> raphaels-journel-vt119594.html

hey! thanks for the feedback, that's very valuable advice
at the risk of sounding whiny... i gotta say this:
i have quite an active libido and love sex. it has been a really, reeeeally long time since ive had it this good (tbh it's the best). we've already arranged to meet tomorrow and i don't wanna back off! i know it's probably for the best, as you say, to break it off for some time and 'reflect' but.. gah! libido libido libido!
again, as you say, eliminating ideas of my ex is pretty impossible, but at the same time im trying my best (be it 'placebo' or not) to come to terms with the fact that there were some irreconcilable differences.
i have also come to terms with the fact that i will most likely never come as close to someone as i was with him, so i have lowered my relationship standards.
i by no means want to dive into a relationship in general (definitely not because of sex), but i want to maintain this fwb thing.. it's so guuuud! also.. even though he is definitely not even slightly emotionally invested in me, due to his past relationships (and his knowledge of my past) i dont think he would really be interested in me if i were even casually seeing other guys, even though this is fwb. not only that, but i dont have the desire to see other guys.
are there any exercises or boundaries i can set to myself (like some sort of instant short term neural pathway rewiring i can impose on myself!) for the time being so i can maintain this sexual relationship without getting fooled by my stupid emotions?

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derp

Uhuh, lady, if the guy has been giving you a lot of orgasms, physiologically speaking, you WILL be emotionally attached. The more you do it with him, the more oxytocins you'll get which will further strengthen that attachment.

The best option that you can do is to game him so he'll fall in love with you. This way, you will be both emotionally attached to each other. Oneitis isn't bad as long as you don't let the situation get out of hand.

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Approach. Open. Escalate. Isolate

Here are my two essential rules on texting that will save you tons of time and money:

general-questions/topic137931.html

grrrrrrr no fair... why am i fucking biologically inclined to this shit reaction >.< i read men react differently. lucky fucks
even if i could make him fall in love with me i wouldnt want to *make him*.
also.. i dont want a relationship! (i know it sounds like im contradicting myself but im really not. i just want to find a way not to be victimized to stupid fucking chemicals. i wanna cherry pick the ones i want a discard the psychological repercussions that come with some of them. probably asking for too much...! hah!)
thanks

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derp