I'm seeing my ex girlfriend at the moment and she keeps bring up the same argument that she doesn't want a relationship. I don't want a relationship at the moment iv'er and i'm currently seeing other girls (she thinks i'm seeing no one else though and doesn't think i will get with any one else while i am away at uni). She is currently sick at the moment and has been for like 12months and is currently getting better so she can't go out all the time etc and she can't meet me when i'm at uni. I text her when i was drunk saying i missed her one night and that i wanted her to come up Liverpool and she brought up the argument again the next day. Then today she said that yesterday when i was speaking to her for 3.5 hours on the phone and i said that "when we split up...." (i don't remember saying this and don't even know if i did) and she brought up the same argument again saying she can't get into a relationship. I don't under stand why she's doing it and it's starting to annoy me because i don't want a relationship.

Any one know why she's bring up the argument? Also how should i react when she brings it up. Before i have been saying i'm not going to get into a relationship with someone i'm not sure about etc. But now i just feel like telling her to go away next time she does it and stop talking to her for a while.

EDIT: I'm thinking of saying we are just friends, if something happens when i'm back from uni (i'm back in 3 weeks) then something happens if nothing happens then nothing happens. Would this be a good idea?

She's an ex from 3 years ago she and i have both had relationships since then. I was seeing her over xmas and it was great to see her and i love speaking to her on the phone because it's something to do and i enjoy it. I do want to carry on seeing her when i'm back home from uni though but a relationship would stop me from being able to see other girls and thats not what i want. Why does she keep bring this you want a relationship and i don't shit though? Is it some kind of shit test or does she want me spill the beans on other girls or something?

Well she brought it up yesterday and she hadn't slept in 48 hours or something. I didn't really want to talk about it and told her to stop asking me because it was getting irritating and i had said all i wanted to on the subject so she said now is not the time to talk about it and she would talk to me tomorrow. I just want to be friends with her when i can't see her when i'm at uni etc and see her when i'm back from uni.

Whoever cares less in a relationship has more power. She keeps saying "I don't want a relationship," even though you don't either, to preserve her position as the person with more power. If she wants you LESS than you want her, than she has more secksual market value, it gives her a sense of self-affirmation, and it makes HER the PRIZE.

You need to make sure she knows that you are capable of getting other girls. If she senses even the slightest tidings of desperation, it'll lower her interest in you. Breed some competitive anxiety, make a blatantly obvious pull on one of her friends, get another girl to like you.

And lastly, be careful so as not to get a Oneitis on her. I know you think your feelings for her aren't that strong, but remember you are human. The MORE she pulls away from you, the MORE you will want her. Don't fall for that trap. Relationships are counter intuitive, if she pushes away from you, don't try harder to bring her close. Act aloof and disinterested.

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Bro do you mind me asking if she has cancer or some severe like death-prone illness. Because I really think she wants a relationship, hence her bringing up not wanting one, but doesn't want to hurt you if she and god forbid it ever happens, but dies within the next few months or years.

Have you ever thought about this in her scenario? She probably really likes you and wants you so bad why else would she continuously talk to you? There is no such thing as a real FWB because the whole friends part is eliminated after you have sex, there is always something more after that.

I honestly, if this is the scenario, have no idea what to give you as advice being that I have never experienced it, but I do wish you all the best.

If this is not the scenario, she is just an attention whore, and wanting to hear you say, you want her more than anything just so she can say sorry but I cant, and then seem higher valued. But I have a gut feeling this is not the case.

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-Raphael

Aspiring Artist

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No she hasen't got cancer thankfully! She does have a very weak immune system though and has started a course of pills which make you sick for about 5 days a week to help the immune system. She is 3 and a half months into the course and it normally takes about 6 months until it starts to stop you from being sick.

Great advice thank you.