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Ok, I accept your apology. You have had bad experiences with marketers in the past and don't trust them as a result. I can't change your past or your viewpoint for that matter. I don't sell dick pills. So please stop inferring such things that are untrue. You mean well but have felt that my attack on the rationale behind promoting monogamy as a moral directive is an attack on you personally. An unfortunate miscommunication. It was an attack on the construct which I feel is failing us severely. It is difficult for me to have a conversation with someone who thinks he has intellect and that I don't based on nothing more then a few forum posts that you disagree with. Nevertheless, I will from here on let the past be the past.
Going back to the original point post dick waving contest: I see no reason why monogamy should be promoted as a moral directive. I think that when their are children involved that the most important things are love and care, not who you choose to have sexual relations with. I feel as if we focused more on what actually matters and the most important variable in any relationship 'positivity', then the world would be a better place.
I did not offer you an apology. I said we can go on without any being offered from either side.
To the point: I think that love and care, to most people, involve an expectation of exclusivity. I personally don't know any girls that would be cool dating me if I was to inform them I would be dating others. I'm certain they exist, but they are not the norm, but the exception.
I know that for girls I've dated, as well as for myself, there would be a huge block to closeness knowing that they share that same closeness with someone else. I believe that seeing multiple people necessarily creates a distance between people which can destabilize a relationship. I know for a fact that I have never felt attachment to girls who I knew were sleeping with others. I simply don't see how it would be remotely healthy to allow myself to develop any. The only girls I have felt attached to are those who I knew were not seeing others on the side. When I was cheated on, my attachment for them disappeared and I was able to walk away without any hesitation.
I'm bringing my experience up because its what I'm familiar with the most. Generalizing to people I know, this appears to hold.
Once again, note that I have been on both sides of the fence. My argument is that monogamous relationships are stronger than poly.
Ok, I can accept that people want a sense of exclusivity. My issue is that it must be for the right reasons. Not for power etc. If I promised a woman monogamy and then she used that to cut off sex from me or thought it was some sort of ownership she now had over me, I would be deeply offended as it would compromise my core value: Freedom.
I don't agree with you when you say that sleeping with more people creates a distance. For one, it doesn't have to be an ongoing thing. Maybe just an every now and then thing. And secondly, a considerable amount of people are of the opinion that this brings more to their life. Getting away from the competitive mentality is what is required for this to work on a larger scale. Instead of people thinking, 'wow that guy I am hooking up with is hooking up with someone else, he is mine, back off bitch', it needs to be reframed to: 'that person I am hooking up with has the freedom to meet his/her needs elsewhere that I can't meet'. The thing is, no one person is perfect. So there are always going to be things that you can't experience with that person.
I understand with your cheating remark. That is not what I am arguing however. That person agreed to see you exclusively and then lied. I am not advocating that for a second.
My argument is that relationships should be custom suited to people in them. Monogamy works sometimes, but fails a lot. It should be an option but certainly not a 'must' which I feel society propagates.
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