Failed making friend a gf, READ



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PostPosted: Thu Jun 25, 2009 7:59 pm 
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1. Exhumed why the fuck would you want to feel "superior" to the girl, in all honesty that kind of word choice is a bit, well fucked up :P

2. PU manuals are not gospel, don't treat them that way.

3. While exhumed is correct in that inner game takes time to develop, inner game is often more than just confidence, it is also beliefs and knowledge.

I'd recommend Attraction code, by Vin di carlo, and a decent NLP self improvement book. Plus flicking through the Inner game section on this forum along with the confidence building and beliefs area. (Y)

I'm not really "up" on what books to read tbh, generally speaking learning to get comfortable with yourself and talking to other men on this forum and close women about sexuality and dating often helps to broaden your mind and gain a better understanding of dating.


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PostPosted: Sat Jun 27, 2009 11:21 am 
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Okay. Reporting now about what happened yesterday.

I decided to go out drinking with my friends, but then there were 5 girls from my high school class. They started touching me because they thought I was gay (playfully just, so it was just a ST). I teased them and stuff, so they gave up later.

Later in night I kissed 2 of them, but this my girl, who I wanted, wasnt seeing it (DAMN IT). But though, this girl lets her friends do all kind of things to her, so I got a fast kiss close (like a moms good night kiss to son), she TORTURED ME if I didnt hug her, we had also a challenge: I grabbed her ass, she pinched me and who lasted longer was a winner. I also did other things like that with her and she had fun, but she did some of those also with her friends (boys).

How do I know if Im still in LJBF zone? Am I just a "fun toy" to her?

Last note: SHE HAS SOME COUPLE YEARS OLDER GUY SOMEWHERE, WHO SHE MISSES A LOT, BUT SHE DOESNT SEE HIM VERY OFTEN. But if Im right they have some kind of stuff going on.

What to do? Do I need to freeze her out completely? It will be complicated because this town is small and we meet each others almost at every party, and if I dont go to parties, everyone thinks "He is just at home, boring guy"

Help me on this!! I dont know how to run this girl, lmao.
She flirts with every of her friends, how do I make it serious?!? And yes, I need to attract her, but I need good advices on that now.

EDIT: She is the boss of her big girl group, she sometimes even says "No one can resist me", she has huge ego (small town), even though she is only a HB8 or something like that.


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PostPosted: Thu Jul 09, 2009 7:31 pm 
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Joined: Wed Mar 25, 2009 6:04 pm
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@ weavea

I would recommend you to get some action going on with other women, possibly those who she knows (small town) but is not really befriended with that much.
Make sure you are spotted by her with these other girls. To her you must seem just kind but not really available. Also, when possible, tease her. If you want you may setup a meeting with her. She will assume you are just friends but will aknowledge the fact that you have women around you (one of the attraction switches flips). One day before this date occurs, you flake on her by making clear you would like to come but something came in the way. It is kind of an extreme measure that you take and it takes balls but this works almost always if you cancel the meeting correctly, especially in this particular case where you are friends. It will allow her to see some other sides of you (which she didn't know. She knows you as a nice guys, that's why you are just her friend). This is compelling to her.
Many women are not used to guys flaking out on them. This causes her to feel various things: surprised, unsecure, a little bit sad but comfortable due to the fact that she realizes that you are not chasing her and that you don't expect things from her. It portraits you as a very confident guy (other attraction switches flip). This is often very compelling to women that they automatically become very responsive from this point on. Often, in the future they will initiate conversations first. Now, you will know you are not in the friend zone (anymore) as she is the one who is seeking you attention or she is being a good girl responding to you as you expected. You may also have to do a few compliance checks to verify that the girl indeed does not see you as only a friend.

Ik like to do this conciously in those cases where I start to believe that I'm approaching the LJBF zone. If I let myself go and don't do anything extreme about it, I end up with nothing. Ironically, I often manage to keep myself away from the LJBF zone with this attitude. Only in those cases when I consider the girl as a potentially good and useful friend (the girl may have many attractive girl friends or she can fulfil the future role of a pivot) I will allow myself in the friend zone. In all other cases the LJBF zone is not useful.

In order to stay away from the friend zone, there is the well known rule: kino and well timed statements of intent. Don't skip these. You can better lose a unintrested girl than useful time that you could have spent gaming others who might be interested in you.

Note that, when you flake out on her with no style, you won't flip attraction switches, instead you will cause her to think you are an asshole and she wll move on.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Jul 09, 2009 8:29 pm 
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Joined: Wed Jul 08, 2009 6:07 am
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Location: Toronto, Canada
Quote:
This is a tricky situation.

Sounds like in beginning with the canned stuff you were just sort of throwing shit out there and seeing what stuck. Sounds like some of it was miscalibrated as well.

It's hard to tell what sort of effect that has, because it could go either way.

Next you say you progressed:
Quote:
But I progressed a bit, started using a lot of c&f (in other words it was only using sarcasm to me). I stopped doing any favors to her, negged her all the time.
But to me it sounds like you wayyyy over did it, considering she's probably not a 10 & "she is really kind"

Fair play though, you were learning, that's fine.

In future, probably less neg's & favors are fine - but in a "i'd do this for any of my friends" sort of way. Only refuse if you'd not do it for a male buddy.

Neg's I reserve for situations that warrant them. I personally have 3 stages:

1. Shit test or cheeky remark: respond with a playful remark as well, with a grin on my face/laughing.

2. Boundary crossing/too far: If someone does something just not funny, or unacceptable i'll call them out. "Hey that was uncalled for." "there was no need." "Don't be a dick" etc.

3. Ridiculously unacceptable behaviour: Like if someone i'd just met decided to punch one of my friends. The only appropriate behaviour is to turn away/move away & stop communicating. You just don't even acknowledge them.


Neg's generally only have to be used in the first situation. Lightly and playfully. It's more like teasing.


QUESTIONS:

1. What you could have done:

- Built more attraction. demonstrate value basically. Plenty of posts on it. Enough value will always have her wanting to talk to you.

- Probably less neg's/non compliance

2. Friend Zone -> GF can take a day in theory. I've only done it a couple of times though, and i've always played it out over a month or 2, going friends > sex > gf.

3. LJBF is basically high levels of comfort, but low levels of attraction. And no real sexual component either.

Basically you need to ramp up attraction first - make sure comfort is maintained (it's okay to dip it for a while to build attraction), then when you've got high attraction & comfort build in sexual tension.

That'll make it go sexual. Then from there you can take it to a relationship if you like.

Take it easy.

Wolfus
Genius, good post man.


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