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How do I kiss her within 15-20 minutes on the first date? Wouldn't she find that awkward?
No, just make sure that once she's comfortable with you(she doesn't draw back from your touch), you just do it when she's smiling and in a good mood. There is rarely a "perfect moment" to kiss her. And I honestly suspect that if there was one, it might actually make her nervous and more likely to shy away.
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My therapist says my problem is fear of rejection, and hesitation. Do you have a sexual escalation map, or know someone that has one I can use when setting up dates? Do you also have any instant messaging? I really love how you described all this.
Broad guidelines are really better than specific step-by-step. Because most of this stuff is fluid and can't fit into a Step 1, 2, 3 ,4 process.
Another thing I believe you need to work on is having a more sexual mindset. When you're on a date, are you looking at her lips and imagining what they would feel like, wrapped around your dick? Are you looking at her ass and thinking about bending her over a couch and fucking her from behind? Because if not, you need to be. That comes through in your sub-communications. If you have a more sexual mindset, things like a kiss seem very trivial and won't seem awkward at all.
Mental barriers like "What if she won't kiss me!?" disappear with experience. It's hard to think kissing is a big deal in 20 minutes, when you've met a girl and had your fingers in her pussy less than an hour later. It really opens up your mind and you see that kissing is very small. It's just the very start and isn't too much more than just basic smiling and flirting.
My therapist told me I have some sexual anxiety, and I would have to direct that towards a sex therapist, because she's a family therapist. I can probably get a sex therapist through my insurance, I would have to check on that. Because I was raised in a stupid Christian cult that taught "sex is bad", I blocked sex out of my mind for several years. It has affected by sub-conscious mind, and I had to study PUA to reverse it. Its still not 100% reversed, but feels like its getting there. Sex therapy might help it go quicker.
Let me give you a little timeline of what I went through just recently.
Date 1: Took the girl out to a strip mall. Didn't hold hands or kiss, just touched her on the arm and shoulder 4 times. There were times I did look at her ass, but that was about it. Most of this date was extremely emotional than sexual. We were looking into each other's eyes as we were walking, and I felt a sense of romance in me. I wanted to kiss her at the end of the night, but she said she wasn't ready. I didn't ask her, so it was a mutual agreement.
Date 2: We were eating at Arby's, and things started getting a little heated. We started having a conversation about sex, role playing, masks, and other stuff. I imagined all kinds of things with her when we were sitting at the table, such as her riding me with a mask on. When we went to the arcade, it got even more intense. I would say there were sex jokes the entire hour when we were having fun. No kissing or holding hands on this date either. Just touched her about 3 to 4 times on the arm and shoulder.
Date 3: This was an unplanned date where the attraction SPIKED through the roof. She texted me saying she wanted to go on an adventure, so I picked her up, and we drove off. The emotion was very intense on this date, but then the attraction PLUMMETED when her ex showed up with her kid. Still no kissing and hand holding at this point, just touching. We almost kissed, but she kept pulling back, because she said she had feelings for her ex still.
I touched her hand for 8 seconds, then released.
A night after Date 3: She was texting me saying she was laying in her room, and mentioned about me coming over. I asked if I could, and then she started saying maybe it wasn't a good idea, because her house was messy. I asked twice and she kept talking about the room being messy, so I just gave in, and said I was tired anyway (I was exhausted that night). I ALMOST texted her "Can I come over and fuck your brains out in that goddamn bed?", but I hesitated, because I was afraid I would scare her off. I REALLY wanted to say this to her, but I was afraid she would run off or something.
Date 4: Flames began to die here. We went to a restaurant, things got boring, and there was silence in the car for 20 minutes. Not only that, an eerie message played in my head saying she was unattractive at the beginning of this date, and she gave me a cold hearted look at the end of the night. It was a look in her eyes that looked like "I love you, but hate you".
A day after Date 4: We got into a really bad argument on the phone when she said she was going to the fair with a guy. This argument was on and off through three phone calls. She said she never went afterwards.
Next day: A huge text storm with 100+ texts of anger between us. I texted her the next morning saying I was through with her.
Execution Preparation Day: Great sadness built inside me of missing her. My gut was bouncing up and down from sadness to hatred.
Execution Day: I was walking down the Wal-Mart isle, I felt a sudden tight knot in my stomach, and the sound of an eerie funeral bell tolled in my head. It was creepy as fuck, and scared the shit out of me.
Day of Mourning: I cried in my room for 15 minutes. I texted her this, and she was there to comfort me. This girl that I was dating had low self esteem, and I always remembered she would say things like
"Josh, where's your confidence?" and
"You need faith in me."
Please explain this whole thing, and what I could have done. I am taking notes down from what you're saying, and I greatly appreciate it. Thank you.
CHAT
