| Ok several things:
1. I would be more specific with your opener, because you're giving them too many open ends to come back with...in fact, if you think about it, "uh...why?" is a perfect response because you don't give a real reason why you need an answer to the question. I would change it to asking, "Buddy's got a gf, been daing 3 months, he's still friends with his ex, and it makes her really jealous. How would you like/what do you think of your bf's or past bf's being friends w/ their exes while u were dating?
2. So if they still respond w/ something like "uh...why" or "why are you asking us" then its just a typical bitch shield, which you should embrace as an opportunity to break through and impress both her and her friends.
3. Go to Youtube and search Kezia Bitch Shields, and watch the 3 videos about 20 times...trust me she gives great advice.
Here are my notes on the videos: a lot of the words/examples are quotes - credit to Kezia.
Bitch Shields
HB’s are hit on constantly and over time they develop routine ways to either get men to leave (by being nasty, saying they have bf’s, etc.) or by attempting to lower your value by making you their pawn (buy me a drink, interrupting you, ignoring your statements etc.). This does not mean that these girls are mean, on the contrary, they can be just as shy and outgoing as everyone else. Once you are no longer an AFC, breaking through the Bitch Shield must be automatic.
Reasons for the Bitch Shields:
1.She’s had a bad day: You come along and you’re going to get it just because you’re there. However, you can change her state if successful
2.Girls and mosquitos: Girls learn they can’t be sociable with guys because there’s a chance that he will hang around all night and be obnoxious - thus shields are developed as protection
3.Alpha women: Need to weed out the weak guys and put out shit tests and barriers to test and see if they guy is strong enough to take what she’s giving. If the guy can get past the two-minute challenge there’s a chance that he can be a relationship possibility.
Shield Types:
Defense Bitch Shield > near to impossible to break. “Go away, go away, go away” etc.
Attack Bitch Shield > humiliating you, putting you down, making you jump through hoops but breakable.
Disarming the Shield
Controlling the Frame – if a girl interrupts you while you’re talking, don’t talk over her or get into a shouting match, just be patient, look at her, wait for her to finish, and validate yourself. “That’s a good question; let’s talk about that in a minute.” You have to control the direction the conversation is going and the topic. Don’t let her embarrass or humiliate you, proving that you are not good enough to talk to her. Move the conversation on to comfort as soon as possible. Be aware of why you are talking to her after she has challenged you – you want to destroy her Bitch Shields.
Destroying Bitch Shield Steps
1. Detach yourself – do not react emotionally to her challenges. Look at her as if she is your kid sister; she can’t possibly hurt you. Don’t get aggressive or scared – either way you’ve lost if you do.
2. Validate, Validate, Validate – approve of what she’s saying and doing because it takes away her power. “I love fiery women…who wants the weak ones anyway?”, or “That’s a really good question actually…you guys have this essence about you…”
3. Spot Her Patterns – she’s calling the shots, controlling the frame, and you need to break the rhythm. Create a hairline shift in the pattern early on. A mixture of validation, personal amusement and the unexpected. Examples:
Wrong :
PUA: Hi, I want a female opinion; do you think I should get a tattoo?
HB: Why are you asking me?
PUA: Well because I just needed a female opinion and you look like a really nice girl.
HB: Why do I look like a nice girl?
If you allow her to stay in her patterns you will never crack the shield.
Right:
PUA: Hi, want a female opinion; do you think I should get a tattoo?
HB: Why are you asking me?
PUA: You know what, that’s a good question…you have this weird energy about you that says you’re a tattoo expert – or – you’re right, I really didn’t want to ask you about tattoos; I noticed your shoes and wanted to know where you got them because my sister would really like them.
4. Be Aware – she can always slip back into that Bitch Shield. Sidestep her tests and neg some but not too much – if the shields are down then too much negging is easy.
Don’t ever say to a bitchy girl: 1. Having a bad day are we? 2. Are you always this friendly?
Knowing When the Shield is Down
If she smiles, she can’t go back to the Bitch Shield – if she smiles or laughs she can’t go back. You can even bring it to her attention and say, “ Great I’m glad we have that over with,” and you can go on to introducing yourself, getting her name and creating rapport. Don’t become complacent and be aware of her giving you shit tests. If she starts, say to her, “Oh come on, you’re not starting that again are you? We don’t have time to go back to that again…I can’t be bothered with that again.” _________________ "EYE FUCK THE HELL OUT OF HER WHILE YOU TALK ABOUT HOW HOT YOUR COFFEE IS" - Insert
Check out my journal neuken-in-de-keuken-a-journal-vt88712.html
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