Quote:
Apreciation feels to me like a coin: it also has a flipside. It is mostly effective when deserved.This is my experience:
In january, there was a girl who's birthday was coming up. It was just a friend of mine, a girl from my work group at university. She had a kind of arrogant attitude, but PU teached me to not judge girls by that way. Altruistic and idealistic as I was, I just thought: "hey, let me give her a very original, personal birthday present. Not some shit that just everyone gives. I don't want anything in return from her but the feeling you get when you just made someone a slightly happier". I repeat, I did not want anything of her.
As I was a starting dj then, I was quite bussy with exploring it. I came with the idea of making some very cool music mixes: when chill out, and an other with the hottest party songs at the time. I spent hours making the mixes, perfectionistic as I am. My CDs crashed, so I had to buy new cds to burn the mixes on it. I created a professional made like cover with the foto of all her friends with her included. It looked like a Hed Kandi or Ministry of Sound album. I realy enjoyed making it. When it was finished I slept with it on the table next to my bed because I was so proud of it.
But because my computer and printer didn't work very well, I said on her birthday party that I would bring it later because it wasn't realy finished yet. Her face looked like she didnt care.
A few days laters, I went with some friend including her to someone house just to chill there. When she came there, I was chilling with some other people. I just gave her the cd, didnt speak to her all that night until the end. Then she said superficialy thanks to me, adding that she hopes she wont forget the cd at that house. A minute latter, her posh parents came pick her up (like she wasnt old enough (19) to go home by herself).
A few days later, I asked her if she liked the cd. She told with a slightly regret that she forgot it at that place, but she "realy appreciated it". She never asked the guy at whose house the cd lies to take it with him someday so she could get it back. When she told me she forgot, I was so dissapointed that I couldnt barely bring up a look at her: she disgusted me and she saw that I was disgusted by her.
It kind of opened my eyes: people are way too busy with themselfs that they actualy don't care about the rest anymore. They only want attention from others to feel good about themselfs.
It is like you can't give to or appreciate people without them thinking that you want something of them. Many people are worrying so much about themselfs that they try so hard to be like the rest: they all addopt the same accent, blackberry or iPhone, style, humour and view on life, in such a way that they can't have an own personality anymore, or that they can't appreciate things that are different or new. They don't want to meet new people, don't want to try out new things and they just stay in their boring life.
After that, more events brought me to the same conclusions. I've spent the next month after that deleting all superficial friends and contact and stoped giving a shit about those people, and kept a few social friends with whom I have great times and laugh loudly, can have conversations in depht, who are not affraid to have an other opinion and who dare to say what they think in an assertive way. Those people are the people who realy show their appreciation and are not scared to give appreciation and compliments and get in return. I realy appreciate those people, and it makes me happy that I can freely show it to them because they deserve it.
Reminds me of my AFC times when I bought a flowering plant for this certain girl on valentines day. She took it, immediately forgot about it, and one week later it was dead.
That was the point when I learned to not spend any time anymore with people that clearly don't deserve my time. I still meet her every now and then when clubbing, and she still hates herself and her live
