"You must love yourself before you love another. By accepting yourself and fully being what you are, your simple presence can make others happy."-Jane Roberts

In this article I want to go to the root confidence, the heart of happiness, square one... our perception of ourselves. Most people in this community gurus included, start in the middle. They with teaching you things like alpha body language, to act unaffected etc etc etc... and the unspoken statement in all of this is, if you do these things you will have beautiful women in your life and that will make you happy. Now it very well may make you happy for awhile, but problem arise when troubles come... you see you've built your frame without a foundation and the happiness you have filled it with is fleeting. What happens to a PUA when they get AMOG'ed harder then they can handle and their frame cracks? The revert back to the people they are on the inside, the insecure guy who couldn't get girls comes back out... or how about when they girls who provide their happiness leave them? Generally they have complete breakdowns.

To be truly happy we cant start in the middle, we must start at square one... you must perceive your own high self worth... Once you know your a valuable person that leads directly to confidence and happiness radiating from the inside out, instead of the other way around.

Now I know a lot of people hear that and recoil stating some of the standard change resisting objections;

But change takes a long time.

But change is so hard.

You cant change someones beliefs.


These are all completely false, they are perpetuated by the psychological community and society in general. Change itself is instant its the preparation that has a variable amount of time. Change itself is not difficult its gaining the proper leverage that people without the right tool find difficult. Lastly people change beliefs all the time, in fact I'm sure most of us can look back on a belief we used to have that we no longer hold and even be a bit embaressed that we believed something like that.

How we achieve this change to our inner beliefs however comes in a 2 parts. We must first determine how we view ourselves currently and how we would like to view ourselves. Then Secondly we bridge the gap between those two. Now I dont have time to go into depth on how exactly this is done... there are many many ways that dont fully work... a couple ways that may work over the course of months and years and only one known way that works in minutes and hours. So basically you can take they time to study all the methods and master them, then apply them to your life or you can find someone to work with you who has already done that and can guide you through. Either way you choose its time to take action!

If you want to truly lead a happy, healthy, confident life then its time to stop making excuses and claim the life you were born to lead!

Yeah, thats nice and all..............but if its so hardwired into your mind that you're a failure and honestly can't change without it being so extremely unbearably awkward....well.......as they say, you can't make the horse drink...=/

If anyone asked me: what is the most important piece of advice you got from this forum, my answer would definetly be this. This is invaluable. Great job Doc on putting it into words, i hope it will help people. I wrote something about it a little while back. I know you guys are busy, but in case you want to read it here's the link: 2-vt36675.html?postdays=0&postorder=asc&start=15.
After i wrote this, i decided to discover myself (no not physically!), and believe it or not, it felt like it was the first time i wasnt just a body driving my Self around.
Its a way to grow, learn and discover. It has its ups and downs. But i very much belive that: there are no failures, only feedback.

If i may add something, probably mates reading this will wonder: great, but you didnt tell us how to do that?
Im not saying that this is the definite answer. No, by no means, but i know that if you read Tony Robbins' "Awaken the Giant within", the least i can say is..you'll be refreshed!

This is taken from it (i hope im not plagarizing):
I hope you can read all of it to get the best out of it.

I started reading it but haven't finished it yet.

Thank you Doctor for putting this issue into words. Again, you did a great job.

File.

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Whether you think you can, or whether you think you cant, you are right.
H. Ford

I was once totally into that self-help stuff. It would help for a few weeks and then I would feel worse than ever.

Competition is bad for you. Comparing yourself to others is horrible. Funniest thing is that my results are off the charts now that I don't give a damn about being a winner or loser according to society. Life is a paradox.

File thank you for the kind words... Tony Robbins has a lot of amazing teachings and is the 'guru' I respect the most, in terms of life not simply pick up.

Corey everything can be changed... you just need the right tools, how difficult we expect something to be or how easy we expect something to be are only that... our expectations and they may or may not have truth to them when it comes to the actual practice.

Expat I'm glad we agree on this point, you have to love and accept yourself for who you are... I made no mention of compairing or competing... those things are external measures for validation... gauging yoru worth on those thins will eventually fail you... as the saying goes; there is always someone better... that's why focusing on you is the important part... let the other people be, they are what they are... your view of yourself is what matters.

As for your experience with self help thats a shame, and it happens to many people... because they dont keep it up. It cant fail you as long as you keep it up, it is the same as any other form of self improvement... if you went to the gym for a couple days and then figured that was enough... you should be 'self helped' after a couple of weeks you'd be right back where you were... This is not about making a fix, its about making a change.

I cant stress enough how The Doctor is right...

Confidence is universal, not only is it part of this community but life. The more comfortable you are in your own skin, the better sense of self you have, the great you can enjoy even the most negative aspects of life.

I came from a background where failure was hardwired into my mind from an early age, my self worth by the time i was 18 was suicidal, i wanted a change so instead of dealing with my demons, i masked them, changed my name and persona, lied about where i cam from and who i was, think this would make me a better person. Instead a few years later everything i shoved into the corner exploded. Severe major depression, i put a gun to my head and for some reason i was spared with 6 rounds of misfires, frustrated the gun was pointed at a tree and every misfire, fired this time. it was not the first time suicide was tried, but it was the most dramatic.

Now, with my story of going from zero to hero, from not know what confidence was to teach people how to be confident in themselves. I will stand by every word that the doctor says here. For those people that, like myself at one time, have a negative failing mentality. Listen to my words when i say you can overcome it, it may take time, It may be frustrating, but its 100% possible and for the simple fact of love for another human being, i will stand behind and encourage anyone that needs it, because no matter how you feel about yourself, i say wholeheartedly, without even knowing you, your worth it.

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"The greatest mistake you can make in life is to be continually fearing you will make one."